Saturday, December 22, 2007

Reunited...and it feels so good...

God, I loves me some Peaches and Herb!
So I used to have this boyfriend...his name was Gym. We dated for about a year. It was an awesome time...we saw each other 3-5 times a week...never really overdoing it, it was nice. He made me feel like I hadn't felt in such a long time. Just good all over, yo. And things were amazing. Then, I started to get all "I don't know if this is going to work out..." and then it started to feel like he was almost suffocating me...with his "Be here Mon, Wed, and Fri at 5:15...don't be one likes a late girl..." I mean, for a year, I followed his every word...but then it hit me...I didn't think I needed him.
At first, I only cheated on know...I would be all bitchy and not show up at his place for like a week...and honestly, when I would roll back in there...he would be alright. I mean, he was a little tough on me, but nothing I couldn't handle...but then, it was over. I just couldn't keep up with him any longer...he was all cool...I mean, he called a couple of times to see where I was...if I was ok, but life went on.
Well...I tried to find a suitable replacement for him. But really, nothing compares to Gym. I spent a lot of nights walking...and that helped me a little bit, but I need him.
So...I am slinking back to him on Wednesday. I talked to him already about this...he is fine with things. We can just pick up where we left off. I just couldn't find a better deal than him...we go at it hard and heavy for an hour, 3-5 times/week (I decide how often...) When it is over? He doesn't cuddle or want to spoon...and he even lets me shower at his place. What was I thinking trying to leave him? This man is a keeper!!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

My son is an ass man

It has been determined that Big is an ass man.
I have determined this...and while it makes him mad that I even say ASS, it is true.

When he was in 3rd grade, I had to break it to him gently that he wouldn't be able to sing in the 3rd grade talent show. After much discussion, I promised him that he would thank me someday, when he was older, and someones mom busted out the 3rd grade talent show video and he was embarrassed beyond belief. The song he wanted to sing? Fat Bottomed Girls. Yes. Everyone loves a good Queen song in the 3rd grade! This is argument #1 that he is an ass man.

Argument #2 is that he will randomly bust out with the lyrics to "Baby got back" And by lyrics, I mean "I like big butts and I cannot lie..." Yep. That is my ass man.

Argument # 3 came last night when on the radio came the song with the lines " she turned around and gave that big booty a slap." What is with the ass lyrics?

I guess being an ass man in the 4th grade is about all you can be. I mean...there are not a lot of "racks" to look at. We'll see how this progresses.

conversations with a 10 year old

Last night, our ride home from the mall was hilarious.

The radio was playing some current hip hop/pop song...and we were singing is where the hilarity ensued.

Song: Shorty (*I am certain I am not spelling this right...but whatev.) got Low Low Low Low Low Low (and a bunch more Lows)

Me: Who IS this SHORTY that everyone is singing about?

Big: I think it is the new slang for 'home skillet' or girlfriend.

Me: Home skillet?

Big: Mom. You know..."my home skillet"

Me: (pretending I have no idea) No baby, I don't know your HOME skillet.

Big: You need to get hip, fo shiz. (I am pretty sure fo shiz is no longer cool, but I don't want to split hairs with him...)

Me: Baby...if you keep talking like that, you will find yourself in Catholic school faster than you can say 'fo shizzle my nizzle'

Big: * are not CATHOLIC.

Me: We'll we're NOT ghetto, either.

Big: We're more ghetto than we are Catholic.

He has a point.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

can you kill your kids and NOT get coal for Christmas?

Completely a rhetorical question...put the phone down, no one needs to call CYS!

I have had a headache for about 2 days. It is 10pm. The boys are no closer to bed than they were 4 hours ago. Things are banging. I don't know if ANYONE has clean clothes to wear. And guess what? I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. Hahahaha.
Yep. Here I sit...typing random thoughts out into the internet, while my kids and the dog play freeze tag in the upstairs hall. Uhm. We have hardwood floors and that hurts my head. And. Really? Is there still another WEEK before Christmas? Fuck it. I am celebrating this weekend...then taking a week long vacation!
Want to hear my latest thought. I want to go somewhere that it has just snowed...about a foot of fresh, fluffy snow. There is a fire in the fire place, tea in a mug on the table, a blanket and a good book. I am there, of course...because it is my thought. Sometimes, I am alone. Sometimes my friends are there. Sometimes there is a man there, who loves me the way I love him. Most of the time, my head just hurts!
If this doesn't work out...I can totally get on board with the beach. Either way, I don't care!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Something to believe in

I am fresh from therapy. And I know that I have an unusual crush on her...not so much a crush as much as a adoration, but still.
I have been sad lately. Just sad. Not angry. Not mad. Just sad. Sad because I have said in my head, that I won't do anything at all until after the holiday. I won't argue. I won't think about it. I will just go about my day and night...not worrying not doing anything. Well. Recently, I have realized that once Christmas passes, I am going to have to face things. Maybe, I guess.

I also realized that I am sad because I have nothing to look forward to. Nothing. Friends have fallen by the way...partially/mostly my fault. Football is over. I don't have anything going on. Nothing. So. I need to get something going on. I have time. I need to find something to focus on and do. I am looking at taking a class to learn to knit. I mentioned it to a friend and found that she would also be interested in this. I also called the gym. I can join back up any time. John was so nice. No restart fee, just start paying the monthly fee, like I never left. I am hoping that this will do it for me. Help me keep my mind off of whatever is going on.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

a combo...yesterday...and today

Yesterday was our department Christmas (Holiday) started at 5. We left work at get a jump start on the party part. It was fun. Incidentally, we went to a nearby bar for happy hour...and laughed and giggled and laughed some more...then it was off to the party. It was at the Doubletree hotel. Nice place. The food was a little odd, though. There was a choice of fish, turkey, or pork, all done in a similar cream sauce. There was also squash soup. This caused a bit of arguing. Is squash soup more of a "fall type soup" or is it year round? Anywhooo...the party was bordering on lame, but the people were fun to watch. Apparently, nothing says "Holiday party" quite like a sweater and no pants. Ok. Yes. The sweater kept your lady parts covered. But really, it was touch and go. wasn't just one, no was 3. There were 3 girls running around without pants on. One had to wonder, where was management? Did these 3 girls, all under the age of 24, call each other and confirm that none of them would be wearing pants? How did that conversation go? Was a pair of pants packed in a bag, left in the car, just in case someone else, God forbid, WORE pants? Anyway...back to the party.
We could register for "door prizes" and I am always one to register for the prizes that look like they have the least amount of tickets in for them. This has often backfired on me...but is free, right? Well...last night? I won a shop vac. Yes. I will let that settle on you for a moment, A SHOP. VAC. Yep. My biggest complaint about that? How was I going to get it to my car? (I have already fired that bitch up today...hohoho!)
After the party broke up, some of us went to another near by bar...and I have a confession. I went. And I hung out with a friend that I haven't hung out with in a long time. We had just fallen out of touch. Last night, we spent the time laughing and getting caught up...and while it isn't exactly the same, I am glad that we are getting on the right track. I missed her. So. There was a lot a lot of laughing. A LOT! I did get to see our friend Dianne's did some other man at the bar. She had them done years ago and they look amazing. Apparently, the man thought so too, and bought us all shots. Boobs for shots? Not a bad deal. It is here that I need to say that the entire night, I had one shot, a washington apple, which frankly, I could have drank all night. And 2 vanilla vodka/diet pepsi combos. So. I was not loaded. We move along to the next bar, where my friend Big Joe is turning 46. Holy shit, btw. He looks more like 56. I didn't tell him that, though...
I hate to sensor the rest of this, but right now I am still coming to terms with it. Maybe I'll expand on that later...

Friday, December 07, 2007

All I want for Christmas...

So...last night we did the marathon Christmas thing. We took the boys to see Santa and then went and picked out our Christmas tree. Lord have mercy. It went a little like this:

Santa: Ho Ho Ho boys...what do you want for Christmas?

Big: A Wii.

Santa: Ho Ho Ho that is nice...a Wii. Well have you been good?

Big: I have. (pointing to his brother) HE hasn't.

Little: Yes I have!

Big: No sir. You're bad.


Santa: (looking at Little) How about you? What do you want for Christmas?

Little: A trailer with a room for my mom and a room for my dad and a room for the dog and all the rooms should have flat screen TVs and the trailer should be able to connect to my bike and I want it to be blue. (and...please refer to the top of this post for what he is actually asking for...)

Santa: Well...Ho Ho Ho...that sounds nice...were you a good boy?

It is at this point I realize, Santa is deaf. That motherfucker can't hear anything my kids have said. I mean, cause really? My kid asks for a TRAILER and you say "that sounds nice?" How about some help here? How about...HO HO HOW am I going to wrap that bitch? Or Ho Ho where would Rudolph put it? Instead he says THAT SOUNDS NICE? No. It doesn't. Thanks.

AND. If he COULD hear, he wouldn't have asked if Little was a good boy. Big just got done telling Santa that Little wasn't good. Shit man. LISTEN.

And so it went...Big, convinced that he is getting the Wii. He is. Little, convinced that Santa could see it in his deaf little heart to bring him a trailer...a $2ok trailer. I guess that could be considered foresight, since we probably will be homeless at some point.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Boot Etiquette, too little, too late.

Yes...I suppose this is too little, too late. I mean, if I am mentioning it...I am seeing it...and if I am seeing it, you know full well I am commenting on it.
Why OH why does the boot wearing public feel as though they can just make up rules? Seriously? Do you drive on the wrong side of the road? No. Why wear ankle boots with your mini skirt? Jesus.
So. here we go...some observations...take heed, it ain't purty.
(this list will be a work in progress...I am afraid.)

  • Never. Never. Do I want to see that much leg. Seriously. If your boot hits you mid calf, your skirt damn well better too. The pencil skirt is the only exception to this rule.
  • Red/Pink tights with a black mini skirt and black calf boots? Not a look for anyone other than MAYBE an Olsen. MAYBE.
  • Cowboy boots? With a brown corduroy mini skirt and a brown sweater? Hey Britney, this isn't the farm...put those things AWAY. Cowboy boots...that is a good one.
  • And the boots over there...are those SPURS? (closer observation concluded that they were NOT spurs, just a chain going behind the ankle. Take those off and throw them away. Thank you.
  • If it is indeed time to rock the boot/sweater combo, you can bet your sweet ass it is cold enough to WEAR stockings. WTF are you thinking? Oh. I were distracted by how BADASS your tattoo looked coming out of the right one? Yeah. Badass. Fo-shiz. Seriously, put some tights on and a longer skirt.
  • I cannot get on board with the riding boots/skirt thing. I know that there are some skirts that look nice with a pair of riding boots, however, the one I saw today was not one of those.

I expect that this will continue to grow...seeing as this is only a day and a half worth of observations. Hang will get better!

Monday, December 03, 2007


I know not so many people read this...but if for some reason, you happen upon this...I need and want your 2 cents!

I have been a member of a gym for a little more than a year. I was a faithful attendant. I took an exercise class...called Body Pump. It was a weight training class, you can google it if you so desire...anyway...I loved the class. I would go on my way home from work. I have gotten WAY out of the routine and have not been there in an embarrassingly long time.

The question is...I have come into some $. Not a lot, please...but enough to join the gym and be able to pay the membership fee in full for the year....I am just afraid that I won't be dedicated to this. I have lost all of the weight I want to lose. I am certain that I can tone some more. I just don't know what to do. I could plunk that $ on a bill and be done with it.

So...I leave it to you, random internet folk...and you, not so random internet folk!
Leave a comment...tell me what to do...spank me if you must...