Friday, February 29, 2008

this close to a tantrum

Today started out bad...and just continued right down that path...I woke up later than I normally do...and really? I am already late when the alarm clock goes is "food day" at work. Why can't we ever have "jammy" day? or "go fuck yourself" day? Instead...we spend a whole week discussing the food day...who will bring what? how much should we bring? Where will we put it? and on and on until I want to kick the next person who sends an email that even remotely talks about food. Or days.

So. I was already in a rotten mood about food day...but since I was able to BUY my offering for food day...which allowed me to lounge on the couch and catch Survivor...I should have felt blessed.
I get to work...and the started to snow on my way...which, if you are not familiar with snow, often turns to water when it lands on your head. Your head, where your hair resides. My hair is naturally curly. Part of the reason I am so late, is because I straighten it. Once the snow hit it...the top layer frizzed. Beautiful! I am late. Frizzy haired. AND going to have to deal with food day. It couldn't get any you think! But. I left the plates and forks in the car! I start the 1/2 mile trek back to get them...only to realize that they weren't in the car! OMG. Someone broke into my car and stole the PLATES! AND FORKS! Typing that, I realize how insane that sounds. Truth be told, I realized seconds after I thought it, how silly it was. Yeah, sure, someone broke into my SATURN and stole the plates and forks that I bought at the dollar store, Yo.
Ok. More hair friz. Feet cold. Co-workers annoying. GOOD TIMES!
I just felt like I was seconds away from screaming mean things that couldn't be quickly forgiven OR forgotten. So, I hid in my cube.

The good part? I happened to find a Clark's CD that I had forgotten about. Yeah. So. That is what I am doing now!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Hey Mickey! have never been a dog lover. I mean, growing up, I HAD a dog for about 3 seconds. That story goes a little something like this:

We get Abby. A cocker spaniel cutie. LOVE HER! Later that month, my mother gets sick with Bell's Palsy. It is 1978 and it seems like she is in the hospital for much of that Summer. My brother and I are left with my grandparents because my mom is in Pittsburgh (an hour and a half by car at that time.) She finally comes home and my dad plans this family vacation for all of us. All of us, except Abby. Abby goes to the kennel. It is about 45 minutes from our house. We go on vacation. We come brother, my dad, and I load up the station wagon to go get Abby! So excited! Abby! Yay! We get to the kennel...Abby isn't there. She apparently died while we were gone. Hindsight has me laughing...isn't that conveinient? She "died" right...just like they go live at a "farm!" Anyway...the 45 minutes home from that kennel was the longest 45 minutes of my dad's life! My brother and I cried and cried for days!

Ok....back on not being a dog person...

Tonight...Mickey was acting strange...and suddenly seemed to have a seizure. I freaked out. I started screaming! I stuck my fingers in his mouth (cause thats what you do, right?) We get me settled down. I called the vet and they would see him as an emergency...$75 plus any tests or anything...So, I haul ass in the Saturn up the hill to the vet...Probing and poking...Mickey just kinda sits there...$175 lighter...and we don't know why he had the seizure.

I don't regret taking him to the vet and spending that money. Not one little bit. I used to think that you could love your new dog just as much as you loved your old dog...and that someone who pays thousands of dollars for their pet was nuts. Now? I might be nuts myself!! I also just might be a dog lover....

Sunday, February 24, 2008

The freakin weeken

Sunday morning...and I am realizing that I am a freakshow. Or at the very least, I have issues. I have a weekend coffee cup. It is from Starbucks. Yellow, red, and orange...with flowers. It is the perfect size. I get really crabby if it isn't clean. And by crabby, I mean that I stomp around and wash it BY HAND. Yes. crazy. I also like cinnamon rolls. Hot and fresh from the oven. Both days. with my coffee. in my cup. And you know I load up the cinnamon roll that I plan to eat with extra icing. Yeah. A perk of being the mom!
I justify my love for the cinnamon roll by telling myself that a portion of the money I spend on these, goes to my sons school. (we collect box tops) Logically, I could just kick them 20 cents/weekend and call it a day. My ass would probably be thankful. But I love the rolls.
And speaking of yummy, delicious things that I love...I was at the eye doctor yesterday. MMM...How wrong is it that I love him and sometimes think of sticking things into my eye, just to go and see him. Can you imagine the convo? him: "So, how did this happen?" me: "I don't know! The fork just went into my eye." him "This is the third time this week you have had a fork in your eye, maybe you should use a spoon?" Ok. So a fork in the eye might not answer my prayers. But he is delicious! Tall. Smells good. He actually takes his life into his own hands by wearing cologne and asking me to sit close to him and stare at his ear. How about we just make out instead? It is just a good thing he isn't my gynecologist.

Speaking of that...I also saw her this week. This will confirm your suspicions that I am whack...I have my annual eye exam and annual gyno appt. all set up for the same month that my car needs inspected. I never forget. Anyway...the gyno is new. She is a she. I like her. She didn't buy me drinks before she saw my girly parts, but neither did a lot of boys I went to college with, so I can't really complain. She did take a mean sample of my cervix. It was as though she had something against it. I guess that is good...
I am back in the swing of things. Saw the couples therapist last week, see my shrink this Friday, I will have seen 6 doctors in 2 weeks. And I am not even in full on hypochondriac mode. Love me. Love my quirks.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

karma...she isn't my friend today!

Hello, Karma? It's me...chicken...yeah, yeah, right...I know...but really? A sore throat, too? Is it not enough that I am cultivating a second bellybutton? Or that you could keep small change in said second bellybutton? But now? I have a sore throat. Thanks. I am off to drown myself in tea and vicks....because I am 80.

Both Big and I have this cold. I can only take Tylenol...cold/sinus/whatever...and Big can take whatever the fuck I give him...and he does...usually, though, it is with much complaining and face making and often he spills more of it than he drinks which results in some yelling. (I do the yelling, not him...)
I finished the last of the Tylenol last night...and today asked C to go to the store for some more and also some cough drops. Seems relatively simple, right? Tylenol cold...nothing special...cough drops...also, nothing special.
He comes back with Superduper deluxe Tylenol with rapid release. And Cold EEZE. I guess in hindsight, being what it is and all, I should have know he would fuck this up. <3 TLA. So...I have to get dressed and return everything that he bought. I can't take rapid release....and Cold EEZE scares me. There are a lot of warnings on it...and frankly, it isn't a cough drop. This is the man, who went sent to the drug store 2 days after our baby was born, with a detailed list that included Nipple cream, Preperation H, and pads...came home with a candy bar, some vaseline, and a box of tampons. Yes. He is very handy to have around. Also, there was a Sports know, to prove he is a man...lest someone think that the tampons were actually for him.?
I am probably just know...I am not usually this bitchy...
HAHAHAHA...that makes my side hurt from laughing!!

Oh...and if you know why my spell checker isn't working and want to fix it, I would appreciate that...otherwise, I have to stick to words I am certain of how to spell, and frankly, that limits me!

Friday, February 15, 2008

Dear Starbucks

Dear Starbucks,
Hi! Remember me? I was your customer of the week about a month ago? I have been coming in to see you every single weekday for the last year and a half? You have to remember me! Well...I was away for a little while...sick for 4 weeks. You didn't ask about me. You didn't send flowers. You didn't even seem to miss me. I spend close to $4/day with you...factor that over the course of the last 18 months, and you get a new car.
I came back on Wednesday, but you didn't seem to notice. I know you have some new friends working there...and I don't expect them to recognize me right away. But the old friends, they seem to have all but forgotten about me. You used to remember my drink. I could walk in, pay, and pick it up...all in the span of a minute. Now? I have to SAY my drink and WAIT for it. That is pure crap. Also, you need to tell that little barista that SKINNY VANILLA LATTE means sugar free, non fat. Those are YOUR rules, not mine. And tell her not to give me crap when I send it back. I order it that way for a reason. If I wanted someone else to decide how I wanted it, I would just say "Make me whatever the fuck you want." Then I would have no reason to bitch. But I didn't say that, so I am bitching.
I am sad that our relationship is coming to this. There was a time when I didn't think that I could live without you. Seriously. But being out and having you not ask about me? That hurt. Clearly, I can be replaced. My $4 is just a drop in your bucket, I guess.
I'll still be around...just not as often. Please don't call me, I can't talk to you right now.
Customer of the week,

Tuesday, February 12, 2008


Remember when I posted the first line went something like "I love my kids?"

Yeah, scratch that, please. I am going to kill them both and bury them in the basement under the pile of laundry that never gets done.
Also? Their friend? Is only adding to the annoyance. If she doesn't watch her back, she'll be joining them under the laundry.
Really? Handstands in the livingroom? WTF???

Also? C? You're coasting on my last nerve as well...that spot under the laundry is big enough for all 4 of your asses.


just for today...

I love my children!
Here is what I heard at 8:30 this morning...

Little: Mom! MOM! It's 8:30...we're late for school! Mom! MOOOOOM!
Me: Baby, look out the window...

So...they are both home on this, my last day of sick leave/disability. At first I was a little mad, I mean, this is my last day off. I have to go back to work tomorrow...but then I realized...I kinda like spending time with them...I mean...don't tell them that, but I do. We made cinnamon rolls for breakfast...they watched cartoons...I nodded off on the couch. Around 10:30, there were requests for going outside. Around 11, they were ready and dressed to go...their outfits were a bit mismatched...but they seemed ok with it. As I closed the door behind them, I yelled "I'm locking the door. You're out for an hour!!" They were out for 2! I took pictures of their pink cheeks and cute faces! Even the terror boy down the block looked cute (til he opened his mouth, of course...) I'll post them later!

I made Stuffed Pepper soup for chocolate with marshmallows and pizza rolls for lunch...funny how I am coming to like being home, just as I am heading back to work.

Another funny? The boys have discovered "Ernest" as in "Ernest goes to camp" or "Ernest joins the Army" or some shit like that. I can remember when Ernest came out...I didn't like him then...and apparently, absence does not make the heart grow fonder, because I don't like him now, either. The boys? Think he is the funniest thing ever! They hoot and giggle! It is cute...even if Ernie is annoying!

Big: to little "You smell like rotten pierogies."
Little: "Yeah? well if someone was going to eat you, they would die from your stench."
Big: "Rotten pierogies"
Little: "Sweaty Betty."

They are wrestling now...and I could sit here all day and listen to them...and laugh and quote and have a blast.
This is a good way to spend my last day off!

Monday, February 11, 2008


Hi. It's cold here.
That is all.

Last night the weather folk were talking about how cold it was going to be this morning and how a lot of schools were calling in 2 hour delays already. This was at like 6pm. So. Big takes it upon himself to sit at the computer, with the news website pulled up, hitting refresh every 10 seconds, to see if his school has a 2 hour delay. This continued until bedtime. Our district did not call in a 2 hour delay before 9pm. Yes. 3 hours he spent sitting in front of the computer, hitting refresh, yelling out the new number of schools that HAD called in a 2 hour delay. At first it was annoying. Then it became comical. The number started at like 49 and was well over 300 when he went to bed. He was sure they were playing a joke on him. All the OTHER schools in our area had 2 hour delays, what was up with ours? I couldn't stop laughing...under my breath...
They did have a 2 hour delay. It was called in around 11!
And...damn is it cold.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

A blast from the past...

I bought one of those speaker things for my old MP3 player...the one I bought for my husband for our 10th wedding anniversary 3 years ago...when he was in Iraq...then fell in love with it...and went out and bought myself one, too...cause that is how I roll...
Anywhoodle...I don't listen to it much anymore...we have the itunes on the computer...and the ipod for the car...but this is old skool MP3. This was loaded up before kazaa crashed our old computer. Before I cared about illegally downloading music...this has ALL KINDA music on it!
No one is home...the music is blasting...Harvey Danger...Flagpole Sitta! OMG! Dynamite Hack? Boyz in da Hood...Love their remake!
You name is on there! LOVE IT!
Son of a're so vain! took the words right out of my mouth...some Eminem...God I love him! And...50cent. Remind me sometime to tell you the story of how I have a raging crush on fiddy and xzibit. I pink puffy heart pimp my ride! In fact...I have a picture taken with the dudes from West Coast Customs...from a tradeshow that I went to in Vegas one year! WOOT.
We can even slow it down for a couples skate with some Lionel Richie...I'm taking requests...I've got the Band...Up on Cripple Creek or even some Garth Brooks? Johnny Cash? You name it! Eddie Money...anything from Tom Petty...admittedly, he has seen better days than the Superbowl...but he rocked it. My senior year in high school...I dated a guy 4 years older (yea that makes him he could get beer.) anyway, he looked just like Tom Petty. That was when I did the burnout phase. The whole sneak out of the house to ride on his motorcycle...(Bethany you better not tell my mother...) Anyway...wonder if that is what Doug looks like? Good thing he got back together with his wife and we broke up...I think waking up next to that might frighten me a bit!
Next up...Erasure...A Little Respect! Can you say Friday night getting ready song? My bangs just grew 6 inches listening to it!
VanHalen...Whitesnake...Europe...Dude. I am going to get the Camero out of storage and go for a ride...

Monday, February 04, 2008

Conversations with a 6 year old

Admittedly, we are watching too much tv these days. Whatever.

Little: Mom! CAN WE?
Me: Can we what?
Little: Nickelodian is setting sail!
Me: What?
Big: There is a Nickelodian know on a boat. (yeah. cause I am that retarded.)
Me: Oh.
Little: So. CAN WE?
Me: Oh baby, no.
Little: PLEASE! All the characters are going to be there.
Me: I don't think so...
Big: GINGER is going to be there.

Remind me to tell you about my obsession with Ginger. As Told by Ginger was my FAVORITE Nick toon ever. Ah the good old days.

Me: Nice try...but the answer is still no. (although, secretly, I considered it!)

Sunday, February 03, 2008

random sunday

I just got back from the grocery store...started dinner...Little wanted meatball sandwiches for dinner. I indulge him, because he is often very picky. He is on a 7 year "pasta hiatus" his words, not mine. He'll eat meatballs, but not pasta. He will eat hot dogs. He loves my vegetable soup and my stuffed pepper soup, yet often won't eat chicken nuggets. Only peanut butter for him, no jelly, please. His favorite sandwich to carry in his lunch is bologna and pepperoni. I have no idea where he came up with the combo, but he loves it. Last night before bed, he asked me to buy him strawberries at the grocery store. He is so such a crazy way. He reminds me of myself.
All 3 of the boys are at my in laws. It's quiet here.

Big's team won their basketball game yesterday. He had 5 points and 7 rebounds. He is a whole head taller than everyone on his team, yet is only growing into his arms and legs now. It is cute and painful to watch him dribble up the court.

I went to Starbucks on the way to the grocery store and ran into McStarbucks. Isn't that weird? It wasn't even the same Starbucks that I normally see him at. He was with his 2 1/2 year old daughter. Perhaps the sweetest little girl ever! I love my boys and don't want any more kids, but sometimes I wish I had a little girl. That is selfish, I know. I have 2 very well adjusted, healthy boys. How dare I ask for more. She was sweet, though. Her name is Zoe. We laughed when I commented on how I have no pink in my life...apparently, her favorite color is orange. She hates to wear pink.

I talked to a friend from high school, too. She lives in Cleveland. We see each other about 2xs/year and maybe talk on the phone every few months. I bet we have been friends for close to 30 years. That is weird to think about. No matter how long it has been since we talked last, we spend at least 10 minutes giggling about high school boyfriends. Wonder if that will ever change? We both have a bad habit of googling them or catching bits of information from our moms, who both still live in the town we grew up in. Once, I actually CALLED the work # listed on the internet for my 10th grade boyfriend. 10th grade. That was oh, about 100 years ago. He didn't answer, so I hung up. Good to see that I have matured since the 10th grade. I dream about him randomly. He was my first true love. As true of a love that you can have when you are 16 and making out in the back of his parents Suburban behind the high school. We went out for my entire 10th grade year, he was a senior. I went to his senior prom. We broke up later that May. We dated again when I was a senior. I can't remember why we broke up, but I do know that I was cheating on him. I remember saying "I don't ever want to see you again." And...I haven't. I suppose I should be more careful when I say that.

Speaking of that...I have one aquaintence...who had a big problem with alcohol. He was in rehab and had been sober for almost a year. I can't confirm this, because I can only go by what he told me...I remember telling him that if he decided to drink again, that I wouldn't be able to be his friend. I think that I thought that would mean enough for him to never drink again. (who thinks a lot of herself?) I haven't talked to him since the end of July. He was drinking then and I have to believe that he is still drinking now. I have no idea how he is doing. I know that I couldn't be sucked into the drama again, but that doesn't mean that I don't wonder how he is. I am just too damn stubborn to find out.

It is still quiet here and I think I am going to take a nap. Why not? I have nothing more to do!!

Friday, February 01, 2008

How can anyone...

Live in a part of the country where a trip to Whole Foods involves mapquest and a day trip? We do.
Oh and that is not all. Trader Joe's? The same. I am actually thinking that we could set out early some Saturday and hit both stores and be home in time for Law and Order.

I remember when we got a Starbucks in our county. Yeehaw. They opened the first one in Target. When they opened Target...lord have would have thought they discovered electricity too. We have 2 Starbucks in our county...both are within 1/2 mile of each other. I don't understand that...

Walmart was another story. We got one of them a long time ago...then they upgraded it to include damn, it is the big time! I swear, even at Christmas time, when the parking lots at Walmart are so full people are just jumping out of their cars wherever they please, you can go to Target, shop, check out, grab a Starbucks, and still have time to spare over what you would spend at Walmart. It makes no sense to me.

The thing we do have? A church near by where the old Polish grammas make pierogies every Friday. Normally, I only get to partake in the pierogie fest in the street fairs. But. Thanks to my colon-ectomy, I enjoyed me a little potato pillow of love for lunch. Granted, it made me sick and I slept the afternoon away...but damn was it yummy.