tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374700312024-03-05T00:21:37.254-05:00the sky is falling...and other random thoughts.Random thoughts from a slightly middle aged woman with a flair for the dramatic...chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.comBlogger173125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-87297989235951801112010-07-10T16:23:00.004-04:002010-07-10T16:32:20.486-04:00slipping and falling...I re-read a post a few down from here...where I ended with a date the next day. The guy turned out to be amazing. Amazing in so many ways. We dated only a short time...sadly, I admit. He had a smile that lit up a room. He had the cutest dimple. The kindest eyes. An adorable daughter. Many things to love. Which is what happened. And then it didn't go so well. I tried my best not not to fall. I held on to all that I could. But I kept slipping. He made it easy to slip. And then, when I fell...I really skinned my knees. I don't know for sure that he didn't feel the same. I only felt like he didn't. And that caused me to panic. I felt more uncomfortable than I wanted to. Past situations reared their ugly head...and I projected this on to our current situation...which isn't a situation any longer. I had issues with some of our differences...and I didn't think that these differences, coupled with my insecurities, could be dealt with. So. I ended things. Because I didn't want to get hurt. I didn't want to feel the pain of rejection, that I am so sure would have followed. I didn't want to snuggle with his sweet daughter for another second, lest I become anymore attached than I already was. As quickly as my walls came down, they went right back up. <br />I wish I could say I am sorry. I wish that I could talk to him and let him know...Maybe I will, but probably I won't.chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-71508661579928652532010-07-09T19:13:00.002-04:002010-07-09T19:19:57.867-04:00Peace and Chicken Grease...I keep kicking around this blog...I want to do it. I want to be able to keep up with it on a more regular basis. I know I have things to say. Shit, the things that I think in an 8 hour shift at my current part time job, would keep me busy for weeks! But I just lack the discipline. I can't make myself sit and type. I am not in love with my computer. It is a dinosaur, in that it isn't a laptop. I am even less in love with the space it is in. Mostly because Big ends up sitting here, surfing wikipedia or facebook, and spilling his sticky pop or candy all over. So, since I already have 50 other things that need cleaned, I lose interest in a distraction from cleaning, that causes me to clean. See what I mean.<br />But this is really just an excuse. I need an outlet. I need to vent and get it off my chest. Whatever "it" is.<br />I guess I will start slow...how about I tell you the story of the missing 12 year old and the ass slappin I got from the public restroom door? Oh? You've heard that one! See. Yet another reason not to keep this blog up. You've heard all my stories!<br /><br />I want to do it. I think I can do it. I am going to do it!<br />Look for more tomorrow...which is funny, because really? No one even knows I blog! So yay!chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-26593923160690101362010-05-10T12:19:00.003-04:002010-05-11T18:16:29.658-04:00updateYes...I am sure everyone has heard...but Big placed 2nd in his age catagory for World Events. He tied with another boy from a neighboring district. Their team also placed second. It was awesome. And my heart almost burst when we found out the news. Just this past weekend, we received word that he was accepted into all 4 honors classes next year at the junior high! And he will take the 8th grade advanced reading course...leaving who knows what for reading in 8th grade! <br />I am so happy for him. <br />I am blessed with two very wonderful boys. Both different in their own way. Both adorable, funny, smart, cute, quirky, and sweet!<br />I had a great day on Sunday...dinner with my parents, the boys, and Gram...I can't get enough days like that!<br />I know I am very lucky!chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-46794500730350303922010-04-25T15:45:00.002-04:002010-05-10T12:18:17.156-04:00but baby think of me once in awhile!Ok...so I am not actually on the air at WKRP, but I am in Cincinnati! I am, for the most part, parked in the lobby of a huge hotel filled with kids far smarter than I ever could be. I am at the Academic Games tournament with the boys. Big competes. Little and I are just riding the coat tails!
<br />I am sure this will sound so typical...but wow! Am I proud of my boy!? He is the only kid from his school to attend. He knew no one when we got here. None of us knew what to expect. And yet, we find ourselves on the edge of our seats. He is currently in 2nd place out of like 300 kids. He could win a medal. He could bring home quite an honor for a school that gets a bad wrap from out district. There really isn't any pressure to do well. He is already the first kid in 13 years to attend from our district. So, already he is a winner. He has made friends and has studied with strangers. chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-62476146469105814462010-04-21T10:55:00.004-04:002010-04-21T11:05:44.031-04:00oh the horrorSo...along with blogging...and looking for a job...and turning 40...I am giving dating a whirl. Again. And like the silly rabbit that I am, I am going right back to the online dating sites. The free ones. Of course. No job? No funds to pay for the 60/month dating habit! <br />I don't want this to turn into a date/bash blog. But, I have to say...the depth of the dating pool isn't very deep! I posted a profile. I put pictures on it. Of me. Of me recently. I've got some response. I had one guy, who wasn't all that attractive, but seemed nice, ask for my number so we could text. He text me and asked me for a picture. I have 7 on my profile. Not enough? Well...I only had a silly pic of me and Little on my phone. So I sent that. I didn't hear from him. Then I hear from him this morning. He asks for another picture. This time without the hat and glasses. Are you kidding me? Why not just ask my cup size and if I swallow for goodness sake. I can assure you that I will not be dating that guy. And? His loss.<br />Dating is a challenge, for sure! <br />Online dating is even harder. I get that there are people who post pictures of themselves from the third grade. Or pictures taken from space. And that is a shame...because really? Dating? Often involves seeing the person LIVE AND IN THE FLESH! So. If that isn't you? You're going to be found out! Who hasn't put on a few lbs? Who cares! I still believe that if you are a nice person. A good person. It doesn't matter what you look like. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE a good smelling man who looks nice and takes care of himself. But? If you are an asshole? There is NO amount of cologne that can cover up that stink. <br />But I digress...<br /><br />I have a date to meet a guy for lunch tomorrow. He is very tall. And very redheaded. He also comes off really nice. We talked for an hour last night. Even if it doesn't turn out to be a love connection? I know that I will have lunch with a good guy!<br />Wish me luck!!chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-5565997241526388362010-04-19T10:18:00.002-04:002010-04-19T10:41:00.447-04:00a fresh start...or...the magic 8 ballToday I woke up at 5:45 FREEZING...that is where the first mistake occurred. I dug out a nice, soft, warm blanket and wrapped up in it. 2 1/2 hours later I was trying to drag myself out of bed. Oh. I don't have a job...but I do have to get two kids off to school by 9 at the very latest! <br />With the boys in various stages of ready, I drove them to school. This morning, I was able to teach them that if you throw shoes at one another, you should make sure you know where they land, because in the morning, when your mom gets you up way late and yells for 15 minutes, if you can't find your shoes...you're going to be in trouble. Who throws shoes at one another? Turns out. My kids. Little almost had to go to school in boots. Which, while I don't care, bothered him. <br />So. With the boys safely in the care of the public school, I set out to find a job. Or at least a direction to go in. I wish I cared a little more...but I really don't. I have a pretty good gig right now! The only one who has it better is the dog...and that fucker shits on the floor. <br />So...I find a career test. Yes! I am already ahead of the game! 24 questions and I will have the answer to the question that has been burning a hole in my head. 12 questions into it and the coffee kicks in. Poop break. No good. That will skew the results for sure...I mean, I have A.D.D. like the rest of America. If I get up? I will never know what could have been. If I don't get up? I will shit on the floor.<br />The options seemed clear cut. You'll be pleased to know that I did not shit on the floor. <br />I finish the test. The results...are as confusing as 6th grade math. Are you kidding me? I am a color? I am blue? How in the fuck is that helpful? Can you get paid for being blue? Those blue men aside, I don't think so. <br />So...I google "I don't know what to do with my life." This? I don't recommend. If you are in the state that you are googling that, you probably will not be comforted by the fact that you are in the company of a Chinese man, a 25 year old, and a bipolar individual. Now...I am not saying there is anything wrong with any of those situations. They are just not like mine. I am not Chinese, nor a man, I am pushing 40, while I might be a little loopy, I have not been diagnosed bipolar. <br />Basically, googling that search was the equivalent of shaking the magic 8 ball and asking it what I should do. I am no further ahead.<br />So. Then I go to the state unemployment site. I have a college degree. I am fairly intelligent. But I can't for the life of me figure out what is up. Will my benefits be extended? Should I really roll those dice? I mean, sure, I love having no responsibility. But, I also love having a car that runs and food on the table. Oh. And a roof over that table! I just don't know!<br />If I could write a resume that looks just like me it would say: quirky, sarcastic, adorable woman seeks high paying, low responsibility job. Hours available 10-2. Weekends not optional. <br />I am fairly certain prostitute is about all I qualify for.chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-76430871667794407452009-07-19T10:58:00.003-04:002009-07-19T11:03:51.057-04:00A little back storyAs I read the last post, I realized that I sound shallow and borderline retarded. I am neither. When I make mention of the naked and the car rules, I only do so in jest. They are a convo that I have with a friend...who knows that I am only half way kidding. <br />The "ghetto ass" car comment sounded bad. Really? I would dismiss a guy based only on his car? No. I like to be average. I don't like attention. I don't want to roll up in a BMW any more than I want to roll up in a big old car with silver rims. Besides, we are approaching 40. Rims? Really? I have dismissed a man who drive the biggest, honking is truck you would ever want to see. Brand new. 4 doors. 6 wheels, 2 ginormous side view mirrors...diesel. No thanks. It is too much. Too big. Too flashy. Too obvious. I also have dismissed a man who drove one of those PT Cruiser type things. Because that? Is just weird. Plus, he was shorter than I am and I couldn't see myself naked with him. <br />My search for Mr. Right continues...but these are some things I consider...Perhaps if I weren't so picky, it wouldn't be so hard? Oh wait. Isn't that settling?chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-88713604633645247042009-07-09T22:07:00.003-04:002009-07-09T22:26:11.004-04:00Let's Start at the Very Beginning...this? isn't the beginning.Ok...I have not posted anything in far too long. Let's forget the past and go from here...Well...not forget the past.<br />I am going to attempt to relive the past 9 or so months, to the best of my recollection. The passages will be out of order...don't try to make sense of anything.<br />First. Everyone gets a nickname.<br /><br /><br />7/9 No nickname as of print...<br />Tonights date was all kinds of weird. I got good vibes and bad. In certain light, I liked him...in certain light he needed to go and scrub his mustache off. I met him online too. You would think I would learn from the past. You would be VERY wrong. We had fun. He was nice. Normal conversation...has kids...didn't seem to have any weird issues or obvious quirks...but he was small. Small framed. He was reserved. I could probably date him again, but he is from this town. This tiny little town, where everyone knows everyone. And, if they don't, they know someone who does know everyone. We left the restaurant and he walked me to my car...which was parked next to this ghetto ass car. The ghetto ass car? Belonged to him. Of course it did. OF COURSE IT DID. I have 2 questions that I ask myself when I first meet a guy. 1. Can I see myself naked with him? and 2. Can I see myself in his car? I don't know why that is...and clearly, it is not a good indicator, because everyone who has passed those two questions has turned out to be a douche bag or an escape artist. The thing is, if I waiver on ONE of those, but the second one is a strong yes, then I can over look things. But if I am waivering on one and the second one is a big fat no...then wa wa...games over. Tonight? In the parking lot? Game over. <br />This pisses me off. I created more laundry...and I wasted a full face of make up. Once again, I wasted the pretty. For what? A nice meal and conversation...ok. I kinda wish I could over look this...maybe see him again. But he knows people that I know. And I have done that before. I can't do it again. So...it is all "bye bye bye!" and Back to the drawing board for me.chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-42278664576333475002008-11-30T09:58:00.002-05:002008-11-30T10:18:36.778-05:00A slackers Thanksgiving listI know that today is Sunday...a full 3 days since the actual Thanksgiving day...but I have been giving a lot of thought to things that I am thankful for this year.<br />Naturally, I am thankful for my family...all of them...even Gram, who pinched my butt and asked if I were gaining weight. (she is 88, I didn't hit her.)I'm thankful for my boys, who, just like me, believe that Thanksgiving is the new Christmas and that family members are magical, and heroic, and are placed on a pedestal, where they belong. I am thankful that they have the opportunity to know their cousins.<br />I am thankful that said cousins shared their new baby with me. I am pretty sure I hogged him the whole time, but I fell in love. And that love made a difficult week much easier than I thought it would be. Next time I get to see him, he will be walking and talking, and the snugglefest will be long forgotten, but somehow, I think I will remember it for a long time. <br />I am also thankful that we were all able to be together. All of us. Even the more difficult ones. I am thankful that my parents have their health and were able to host this again. I am thankful that my 88 year old gram did pinch my butt and ask about my weight. I am thankful that she is here and is able to do it! I also know that it means she loves me.<br />I am thankful for the other, more routine things...like my job. I stress about it and I may or may not still have it next year at this time, but I am thankful for it right now. I am also thankful for my friends. This year has been a trying time for me. I have done something that I never thought I would or could do. I know that each of my friends brings something that I need into my life. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for one friend, in particular...singling her out isn't a bad thing, I know she doesn't read this...but she has been a source of strength for me. A sounding board. A critic. A cheerleader. An ego booster. An advisor. A comedian. A shoulder to cry on. A nurse. And much more...sometimes all at once. So, I am very thankful for her...while I hope never to see her in a position where she needs the favor returned, I can only hope to be able to help her the way she has helped me.<br /><br />So...all in all...I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a job, a wonderful family, great friends, a warm house, and food on the table. It would be wrong to ask for much more.chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-31150198868737724222008-11-25T18:43:00.002-05:002008-11-25T18:45:54.452-05:00Happy Turkey day!<param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/3VBo-77eeKo&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/3VBo-77eeKo&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed>"><br /><br />My favorite Christmas song...admittedly, I like the Perry Como version better, but damn youtube didn't have it! <br /><br />I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving...I didn't have to look very far, to find things that I am thankful for. I am counting my blessings...chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-89005800948371747402008-11-15T10:47:00.002-05:002008-11-15T10:59:05.482-05:00the countdown beginsMake no mistake...I love my birthday...LOVE IT! It is an entire week of MEMEMEME! I don't have to share or be nice or anything...and I do that so well, so any chance to show that off is welcomed!<br />However, usually, the birthday extravaganza kicks off the holiday season! Yes, some would argue that Thanksgiving does that...but whatever...it goes birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year! Birthday is a big one, second ONLY to Thanksgiving...<br />Thanksgiving, for as long as I can remember, has been the best that every single holiday has to offer. We celebrate it with my mom's side of the family...and while my mom does the martyr thing, and my dad self combusts, the rest of us have a grand old time. Many a family mystery has been solved over pie or hot dogs! The lamp? The disappearing beer? solved. solved.<br />This year will be different. This is the first year of separation holidays. The Dad will be missing. He has missed before, while serving in Iraq...but certainly, that is a different kind of thing. <br />I can't help but feel that instead of being excited for the holiday...I am anxious. And sad. And a million other things. I feel like this is a downward spiral clear through til New Years! And, I am not that excited for it! <br />We have split the holidays in a fair and agreeable fashion...but I might be stepping up my game with the therapist for a little bit! <br />Let's hope I am wrong. I was wrong about my bday...I thought I would be sad and disappointed, and I was a little sad, but not disappointed! <br />However, I broke a mirror last night...so the odds are not in my favor!<br /><br />Wish me luck, the festivities start a week from today! (I will kick the day off with a trip to the shrink...) The arrival of cousins and family is anticipated by everyone...(HI B...we can't wait to meet G!!) I'll post pictures!chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-91942117939585666192008-11-02T17:10:00.003-05:002008-11-02T17:20:01.350-05:00It's a GIRL!!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVzUxKiI8X0GtROv4qU9opq0i3UMVaTmPNYjsElYTjYTd5qRhPHl1GFTchXk6lsDVD73giWJHo6CiHC31LnuAZp_13Y2QR6U0MHGQC_CxpmTC-taA36mWy1WL-OqSuQ82ASMWTtQ/s1600-h/DSC03582.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVzUxKiI8X0GtROv4qU9opq0i3UMVaTmPNYjsElYTjYTd5qRhPHl1GFTchXk6lsDVD73giWJHo6CiHC31LnuAZp_13Y2QR6U0MHGQC_CxpmTC-taA36mWy1WL-OqSuQ82ASMWTtQ/s200/DSC03582.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5264186617428626530" /></a><br />Isn't she lovely? Isn't she wonderful??<br /><br />Well...we scrapped the Britney Spears look for more of a Paris Hilton kind of thing...he had a little stuffed dog in the purse and just stood around saying "that's hot" all night. It was so funny...for 11, he has a lot of self confidence...and a great sense of humor!!chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-27933227843911338692008-10-29T21:53:00.003-04:002008-10-29T22:10:45.502-04:00Hot dog, hold the bunTonight, I found myself in a situation that I never thought I would be in. I was shopping for a dress for my child! Now, you know that I only have boys...so what the heck? <br />It's Halloween! Don't worry...they are going trick or treating as very manly men. Little is going to be a goth/zombie/Frankenstein guy and Big is going to be an army man. Both very testosterone laden and masculine. However, Big was once again, invited to the party of the year! Honestly, this girl goes all out for her birthday party. I would LOVE to do this! This year, the theme is "red carpet bash" and you are supposed to come as your favorite celeb. Big at first wanted to be Clint Eastwood or some shit like that...and I was all...No baby! Why don't we bust out the wig from last year and you can goes as Britney! Hell to the yeah! It really took about a second for him to come on board that train! So...that is how I ended up shopping for dresses, no, GOWNS...for my son!<br /><br />This took us to the local goodwill. Now, please don't get me wrong. I have shopped at the goodwill. I take my crap there...and I bring other peoples crap home...and so I know, there are good Goodwill's, and there are not so good ones. This one? NOT SO GOOD. You could guess that from the smell. At least that is how I can tell. This one stunk...and there was just crap all over. I didn't think we were going to find anything...until Little spots the wedding section! It was like the 1990's threw up all over the back of the store. I swear I saw a gown just like the one I wore back on that fateful day, 14 years ago. I mean, it was white. Puffy sleeves, lace, and sequins. Put it together and you have a wedding gown from the 90's. Anyway...we were browsing the selection...I was trying to keep the giggle brothers out of the way...and I found the dress. It is plum velvet. Long. High slit. Perfect for the party...and at 14.99, a real steal. We had to tackle the issue of trying that on. Both dressing rooms were occupied by women who reminded me of myself at Macy's on a good sale day. They were getting down to business. So...he takes his coat off and I try the dress on right there in the store. Good move. And Bad move. It was tight, but over a pair of Levi's and a sweatshirt, I figured we were good. Off we go to pay. The cashier looks at me and says, "you know this is 14.99, right?" I did. But apparently, people don't have that kind of jingle to toss around? Because he looked at me like I was nuts...Uhm...14.99 is probably a good 50$ less than what a dress would set me back at the Halloween store...anyway...<br />We get home and Big goes to try it on for realz. Uhm. Here is where the problem comes in. He has a wiener. It is obvious in a dress. REAL obvious. I mean, my kid is 11, but still...it is obvious that something isn't right in Britney-ville. So...this is where my dilemma comes in. What do I do with the wiener? I pose this question to my mother. She apparently was laughing too hard and my dad had to respond. My friend Scott said he didn't know anything about hiding a wiener...weren't boys supposed to show them off? (I am dealing with him later.) So...I ask you...where does it go? Scott did mention tighty whiteys. I have no idea if that will solve the problem or not. I know when I am trying to hold things in, I wear a control top hose. Perhaps? <br />The good news is, he has the cutest little butt in this dress!<br />Pictures on Saturday, I promise!chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-53517317763490049202008-10-09T20:49:00.002-04:002008-10-09T20:55:07.816-04:00I'm gonna turn this blog aroundFor the last few months doom and gloom have taken hold. Admittedly, things are not roses and sunshine...but one thing that I have really lost touch with, has been my sense of humor. Let's face it...when that goes, really, why bother getting out of bed? <br />So...I am going to embrace the sarcasm and apply it to my daily life once again. I am going to revel in the fact that just when I think I am 5 minutes early, the dog escapes and I am 10 minutes late...I am going to blog about the funny, disaster that is my life...so...put on your big girl pants and let's go!<br />B...if you read this, I need you to pinky swear that you are not going to discuss anything at Thanksgiving dinner. If you have read past that, I am taking that as your pinky promise.<br />I'm going to make some changes...and hopefully get back...back in the New York Groove...(who doesn't love Ace Frehley?)chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-82485535950283954732008-08-30T20:43:00.002-04:002008-08-31T02:52:19.805-04:00<div style='text-align:center;margin:0px auto 10px;'><a href='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmyVoDXNQVZtuFcp2ojcH4mLosS2LAfMV4KFF-GYl-xnMaRANwfvKqa2CqnCqKxef-bQji_4zBXZFC6vJ8E340WWnGwyN67mMLffH0u8QQr6cQGWw9Adkcx4ROCsd1YpWNlRoWTQ/s1600-h/DSC03382.JPG'><img src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmyVoDXNQVZtuFcp2ojcH4mLosS2LAfMV4KFF-GYl-xnMaRANwfvKqa2CqnCqKxef-bQji_4zBXZFC6vJ8E340WWnGwyN67mMLffH0u8QQr6cQGWw9Adkcx4ROCsd1YpWNlRoWTQ/s320/DSC03382.JPG' border='0' alt='' /></a> </div><br /><br />So...last night, I met some friends for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. <br />These were not ordinary friends, these were sorority sisters...some that I haven't seen in 15 years. <br />Naturally, I was nervous. I am just coming out of a failed marriage. I am sad a lot. So, I was afraid that I would be the only one there who was in a bad situation.<br />It was such a nice surprise to go with these ladies and not have it be a "look at me" show. Everyone was so nice and so sweet...it was just nice to be there.<br />I am relying on my friends a lot more than I thought...and I am finding these friends in the strangest of places. People that I felt certain I would be able to count on for anything, let me down. People that I would never have suspected, are doing more than their part. It makes me feel good, in a way that I haven't felt in a long time. I hope that the friendships that were rekindled last night, continue to grow and build on what we have in common, as well as how much we have changed. I guess I'll keep you posted!<br /><div style='clear:both; text-align:CENTER'><a href='http://picasa.google.com/blogger/' target='ext'><img src='http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif' alt='Posted by Picasa' style='border: 0px none ; padding: 0px; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial;' align='middle' border='0' /></a></div>chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-63030378848726492372008-08-29T15:24:00.000-04:002008-08-29T15:24:51.640-04:00Too Cool for SCHOOL!<div style='text-align:center;margin:0px auto 10px;'><a href='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRMJ6AQlsdvlMvKrIplpvEQ_VKTBgVBSTbfFQI-Tgm_NUiYUnUoJK-Ovl00VgZyqy-P53WjuyUy0mtr_WBsuSl_-UvZhxp_kfrnmW-EInE2BRElXLYSWOdegd_BMCylOb3Vs3Yug/s1600-h/school.jpg'><img src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRMJ6AQlsdvlMvKrIplpvEQ_VKTBgVBSTbfFQI-Tgm_NUiYUnUoJK-Ovl00VgZyqy-P53WjuyUy0mtr_WBsuSl_-UvZhxp_kfrnmW-EInE2BRElXLYSWOdegd_BMCylOb3Vs3Yug/s320/school.jpg' border='0' alt='' /></a> </div><br /><br /><br />Here we are...all ready for the first day! <br />God are they cute!<div style='clear:both; text-align:CENTER'><a href='http://picasa.google.com/blogger/' target='ext'><img src='http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif' alt='Posted by Picasa' style='border: 0px none ; padding: 0px; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial;' align='middle' border='0' /></a></div>chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-44687043346993315512008-08-25T21:16:00.003-04:002008-08-25T21:30:46.506-04:00Dream a little dream of me...I have been really doing a lot of thinking lately...well...that and cruising facebook for pictures of me in 1989...but whatever...<br />A recent series of events has left me wondering if I will ever truly know happiness. If I will ever be able to find it on my own, you know, without a roadmap and some serious directions...<br />I recognize that things are not how I would like them to be...and I seem content to just sit and wallow in self pity, rather than pull myself up and out of this funk. Financially, this separation was the worst thing that I have ever done. The good folks at all of the major utilities are being kind...but I know that they need their $$ soon, or we won't have to worry that the gas is off, because we won't be able to see anyway! I have applied and gotten a part time job, but I can't start until the 19th, and really, it is only 10 hours/week...not exactly big bank. I can't really afford to file for divorce...because if I do, I will owe him money. So. While that goes a long way to prove my point in this whole separation...it doesn't help me put gas in the car or food on the table!<br />Emotionally, I have learned that I am co-dependant. An outside observer pointed this out to me. She did it in a very loving, kind way...and Eureeka! It's true! It sucks. Because I ended up glomming on to someone that I wouldn't necessarily have glommed onto, had I been in a different situation. I allowed myself to be fooled by early behavior...and I can't seem to get over it. I basically allowed someone to shit on me...and then kick me while I lay there. The sad part is, I feel like I would roll over, so they could do it again. Where did my self worth go? What am I teaching my kids? I burst into tears randomly. And, while I would never really physically harm myself, it is something that I have contemplated on way more than one occasion. Don't worry...I have a therapist...she is aware...<br />I guess I just don't see an end in sight to any of this...I left my husband, I can't afford to live like this, I entered into an unhealthy relationship that instead of removing myself from, I was thrown out of...<br />I know that I have my health. I have my family. I have my job. And I thank God every day for these things...I just wish that for a few minutes, I could catch a break.<br /><br />A girl can dream...chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-78516955171933464312008-08-17T15:19:00.002-04:002008-08-17T15:39:06.800-04:00The meme...which I don't understand what that meme's (hahaha)THIS IS ME:<br />Eye Color: Hazel<br />Hair Color: light golden brown with caramel highlights<br />--Dyed or Natural: yeah. dyed. Naturally would probably be salt n' peppa<br />--Curly or Straight: crazy curly...but I straighten it everyday...<br />Right- or Left-handed: right<br />Tan or Pale: I am fair skinned...ok...pale.<br />Jeans or Khakis: yoga pants<br />Country, Rap, or Rock: really? one or the other? No. How about rock/country/rap in that order?<br />Car: the Saturn<br />Place in order of preference--T.V., book, movie, music: book, music, movie, tv<br />Your heritage: I am proud to be a mutt!<br />Shoes you're wearing today: bare feet<br />Your weakness(es): a nice smelling man, babies, pizza<br />Your perfect pizza: pepperoni from Frank's...or plain cheese from anywhere else.<br />Favorite color: black<br />Favorite place: the beach on Marco Island. It is paradise...for sure.<br />Goal you'd like to achieve: be happy with myself.<br />Your most overused phrase(s): Dudes! I don't think I have any, yo.<br />Your thoughts first waking up: I'm going back to sleep!<br />Your best physical feature(s): my smile<br />Your bedtime: usually 1030 or 11.<br />Your most missed memory: would have to be growing up...as kids we would spend a few weeks with my grandparents at their country house (sounds way more impressive than it is.) They had running water from a spring, but it was only cold. We heated water over the stove to wash dishes and faces. All 4 cousins slept together in the same bed. We spent all day playing and fishing and picking berries and being kids. Dinner was often cooked over the fire that we would roast marshmallows over later that night. Someone always stopped over...a neighbor, a relative. It was such a peaceful time. After my grandparents died, my dad and my aunt ended up selling the house, as it was in desperate need of updates. The people bought it and burned it down. I can't bring myself to drive past there today.<br />Pepsi or Coke: Diet Pepsi<br />McDonald's or Burger King: nothing with a drive thru, please.<br />Single or group dates: Does this mean do I want to go out with a group of men or just one at a time? Either way, GROUP! hee hee<br />Adidas or Nike: Nike for shoes, Adidas for clothes.<br />Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: diet Lipton with lemon<br />Chocolate or vanilla: swirl them together!<br />Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee...or skinny vanilla latte!<br /><br />DO YOU:<br />Smoke: No. <br />Cuss: like a sailor.<br />Have a boyfriend/girlfriend: I have several girlfriends...but not in the Cherry Chapstick way...<br />Take a shower: yes...sometimes twice a day<br />Have a crush(es): yeah. Hello? Michael Phelps!<br />Think you've been in love: I think I have covered that base.<br />Want to get married: again? the jury is out.<br />Believe in yourself: learning to...<br />Believe in God: yes<br />Believe in your government: I don't know how I feel about this, so I will go on to the next one.<br />Get motion sickness: yes! Don't make me read while riding or I will puke in your car.<br />Think you're attractive: I won't break your mirror, but I won't be on the cover of Vogue any time soon, either<br />Think you're a health freak: No...just a regular freak<br />Get along with your parents: usually<br />Like thunderstorms: Not really, no.<br /><br />IN THE PAST MONTH, HAVE YOU:<br />Drank alcohol: yes<br />Gone on a date: yes<br />Gone to the mall: yes<br />Been on stage: no<br />Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No. Not even half a box!<br />Eaten sushi: no<br />Been dumped: no<br />Gone skating: no<br />Gone skinny dipping: no<br />Stolen anything: no, I don't think that I have!<br /><br />HAVE YOU EVER:<br />Played a game that required removal of clothing: yes<br />Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes<br />Been caught "doing something": by my college roommates.<br />Been called a tease: I don't think so...not to my face.<br />Gotten beaten up: no<br />Age you hope to be married: hmmm...<br />Number of children you'd like: I've got two...and I am cool with that.<br />Describe your dream wedding: One that the marriage doesn't end in divorce.<br /><br />WHAT YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX:<br />Best eye color?: don't care<br />Best hair color?: don't care<br />Short or long hair: Short.<br />Best first date location: Cleveland<br />Best first kiss location: in a tree house <br /><br />IN THE NUMBERS:<br />Number of people I could trust with my life: 3 or 4<br />Number of CD's: no idea<br />Number of piercings: my ears are pierced...<br />Number of tattoos: two<br />Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Not very many<br />Number of scars on my body: A lotchickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-124348600323664622008-08-11T21:06:00.004-04:002008-08-11T21:08:50.012-04:00Tell me, tell me, tell me the answer...50 Bonus points if you can tell me the song that line comes from...without GOOGLE!<br /><br />so...my homework for the therapist is to figure out what is best for <strong>ME</strong>.<br />Christ on a cracker...why not just ask me to solve the worlds energy problems...or finish the NYTimes crossword puzzle or something a tad bit easier.<br />You see...my dilemma is this...do I file for divorce and be able to get on with my life in a normal manner? or do I continue to ride the separation bus until it comes to a crashing end? <br />Sit and ponder for a minute, then let me know.<br /><br />K...so I am guessing an hour has passed and you are no closer to an answer than I am. I wouldn't mind if you would just tell me what to do...and then, incidentally, if what I should do includes getting a divorce, then please also pass the bar exam quick, so you can do the divorce for free...mkay? <br /><br />Getting a divorce will break me, financially. I am convinced of this.<br />Staying married because of that will break me emotionally. I am convinced of this, too.<br /><br />The only difference that I can see is that if I go for broke financially, creditors and collectors will come a calling. <br />If I go for broke emotionally, I don't think anyone will notice the difference.<br /><br />I need someone to tell me what to do...yet I don't want anyone to.<br />I have always believed that as long as I made decisions based only on what I thought...no matter how it ended, I could know that I was the only one to blame. Currently, I am willing to suspend that logic in exchange for some solid advice.<br /><br />This is where I solicit you!chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-59512450582993747092008-08-04T18:03:00.003-04:002008-08-04T18:24:03.076-04:00March 1, 1964 - August 1, 2008I wonder if you know how much I looked up to you when we were younger?<br />I wonder if you know how much your smile and your laughter were contagious?<br />I wonder if you know how I noticed that you always did the right thing, even when doing so was the hardest thing you had to do?<br />I wonder...and I will never know the answer...<br />It has probably been 5 years since the last time we talked...you told me about your wife and your daughters and your job...and how proud you were of all of those things. We laughed about old times. We laughed about people that we used to know. People who had fallen out of our lives...like we had fallen out of each others...my call was just a small attempt to keep in touch. I should have made more of an effort.<br />I always always always talk think about you when the Chicago song "25 or 6 to 4" comes on...I can remember you telling me about how that song came about. I can still tell the story...and I do! I don't know if it is the truth or not...because you were pretty darn believable...but I tell it like it is gospel.<br />I remember you had that blue convertible...your baby...and you took such care of it. I remember you taking me for a ride one day...I was maybe 17 at the time...and the typical 17 year old problems weighed heavily on my mind...and you put the top down...turned up the radio...and we drove...and the wind carried my problems away...<br />I remember you and Junior coming over to my house after work...my parents loved you, Joe...honestly, I could have probably killed a man and as long as you said it was ok, it would have been ok with my parents. And we would sit and watch tv and goof off.<br />You gave me my first real job. And then you gave me my second job. You sent me flowers on my birthday when I was away at school. I can still see the bouquet. You made me laugh. You dried my tears.<br />I am sorry that we drifted apart. I am sorry, because I know that you were the kind of person that everyone should have in their life.<br />Did you know that about a month or so ago, I tried to find you and your phone number? I took the boys to Florida and we were going to be spending a day in Ft. Lauderdale. I knew you lived there...so I wanted to try to meet up. I couldn't come up with a good phone number...and then planning the trip got in the way...so I figured that I would catch you the next time.<br />I wish there was a next time.<br />I'm sorry Joe. I am sorry that I didn't get that chance...I am sorry that my boys didn't get to meet the guy who told the story about the silly song that mommy sings on the radio. I am sorry that your wife will have a day, a week, a lifetime, without you. And I am sorry that maybe I never told you how much you did mean to me...<br />This one is for you...Live long and prosper...<br />'>http://<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/aSOaoPDO16Y&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/aSOaoPDO16Y&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-12240643615883468812008-08-04T17:37:00.003-04:002008-08-04T17:46:38.760-04:00OOPs I did it again...I have been absent from here...but maybe you have noticed.<br />I have a lot on my mind...and instead of getting easier, it seems to just be getting harder. I try to think about it...and it overwhelms me and I just stop.<br />How can I be sure that I am making the right decision?<br />How can I be sure that this is the best for everyone? Especially when one of the boys says "When is Daddy coming home?"<br />I feel like my life has been one bad decision after another as of lately...and when I turn and look, I don't seem to have a scrap of dignity left. Each bad decision seems to have a consequence worse than the one before...how many more, before I lose everything?<br />I look at my life 6 months ago...and I don't even recognize it, compared to the mess that it is today. Yes. I have people who love me. Yes. I have my health. Yes. I have my family. Yes. I have those two very sweet little boys. And, I suppose, in the over all scheme of things, that is enough...<br />I look at Little and when he starts to cry because I am not the one taking him to football practice, I cry too. I cry when he asks why Daddy isn't coming home. It doesn't make sense to me, so how can I explain it to him?<br />I need to know that I did the right thing. In my heart. I need to know that.<br />I need to find the strength to be independent. I need to know when to say no and not make decisions that are not 100% the right thing to do.<br />I need to take inventory of my life and figure out what is going to stay and what is going to go.<br />Keep something crossed that I make the right decisions...chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-55917826085957313632008-06-30T19:32:00.003-04:002008-06-30T19:40:05.509-04:00off my chest<ul><li>If you are 45 years old...you don't need to avoid eye contact with me...I have been your sister in law for almost 14 years. I have known you for as long as you have known your own son. </li><li>If you think that leaving me mean messages on my voice mail is the way to make things happen, you haven't learned anything in the past 16 years.</li><li>If passive aggressive were a sport, you would be the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">olympic</span> record holder.</li><li>That 10 minute soliloquy that I was subjected to the other night was beautiful. You should seriously think about a career in acting.</li><li>I am not sure when NOT DOING ANYTHING different began to constitute change...but if it does, we have been changing for a long time. Maybe we need to stop.</li><li>I know he is your son. BELIEVE me, I know. </li><li>If you think that I WANT to be living this, that this is what I dreamed of when I was a little girl, you might want to lie down...because YOU ARE CRAZY!</li></ul>chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-1318152405660458882008-06-11T21:12:00.002-04:002008-06-11T21:20:46.700-04:00surpriseUhm.<br />So...I am sitting here...and Little comes down...he is clearly up to something, because there is a shit grin on his face. The convo that he will repeat to his therapist in 10 years, went like this:<br /><br />Little: Close your eyes.<br />Me: No way, Jose...I am not falling for that one.<br />Little: Come on mom, it isn't bad.<br />Me: Yeah. Nope. Not doing it...what do you have?<br />Little: Nothing! NOTHING<br />(at this point I notice the noise...bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)<br />Me: OMG! Give it to me. GIVE IT TO ME!!!<br />Little: Why?<br />Me: OMG! That is MOMMY'S. GIVE IT TO ME!<br /><br />Trip to the therapist- $25 copay<br />blue plastic vibrator- $15<br />Look on your mothers face when she realizes that you found it?- Priceless.chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-34769701584213893242008-06-01T20:09:00.002-04:002008-06-01T20:19:30.514-04:00Hello KittyMany things are changing here at <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">casa</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">de</span> crazy. One thing will remain the same. I will never get a break. Here is an example:<br />Yesterday, I decided to pull the trigger and buy a new grill. The grill that we have hasn't worked since Nam...and I wanted me a burger. So...I looked and looked...and found one at <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Wmart</span> for a cool <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">hunge</span>. (100, hundo...)anyway...They came assembled or <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">unassembled</span>. There was no change in price. I? Still drive a Saturn. There was no way I was going to fit a fully assembled grill into the back seat of said Saturn. No sir.<br />So, I opted for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">unassembled</span>. I struggled to get the grill down from the shelf...I gave up when it became clear that I was going to become trapped underneath that grill if I were to continue attempting to get this grill down, without help.<br />Fast forward 20 minutes and I am zooming down the road with an <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">unassembled</span> grill in my back seat.<br />My parents were coming down today to help me buy this grill. I went all <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">independent</span> on them and bought it myself. I did the research. I know <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">BTUs</span>. So, my dad was going to help me put it together. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">BBBZZZTTTTT</span>. Wrong again. I was going to do this myself. I didn't get much sleep last night, but I was determined to start that grill. The directions said it should take approx. 45 minutes. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">BBBBBZZZZZTTTT</span>. Hey! It took me 45 minutes to figure out which pieces were the legs. I was clad entirely in my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">jammies</span>. Hello Kitty jams to be exact. On my front porch. Recently single. Hello. Perhaps I should have showered and applied a full face of make up...but that is hind sight. I got that damn grill together...2 hours and much swearing later. It isn't together exactly correct, and between you and I? I totally disposed of the extra parts, so my dad wouldn't know. But...the best part is the text that I just got.<br />J: You got the grill together!<br />Me: Uhm...yeah...how did you know?<br />J: I drove past you this morning.<br />Me: In. My. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Jammies</span>?<br />J: Yep. That's why I didn't stop.<br />Me: <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Uhm</span>. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">OMG</span>. I am so embarrassed.<br /><br />Allow me just to say that J is a hot local guy...and while I have no intention of beginning to date any time soon, if I were...J would <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">SOOO</span> be on the top of the list. However, I think that my hello kitty <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">jammies</span> just took him out of the running. I suppose I will rethink doing things on the porch in the morning.chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37470031.post-90519186412104295692008-05-14T21:28:00.002-04:002008-05-14T21:42:46.702-04:00Don't be a hater...Mother's day came and went...with limited fanfare around these parts. Public school has really stepped up their game as far as holiday swag goes. I got a shit load of stuff this year...allow me to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">extrapolate</span>. (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">OMG</span>. I totally used that word)<br />Big's swag bag contained a marigold potted in a pot with a picture of him glued to the front, lest I forget what he looks like. It also contained a flower made of construction paper with a pledge on each petal. (Here is an insightful look into casa de crazy...) The middle says "Dear Mom, I'd like to show you in my own way, how much I love you each and every day." Please don't think he wrote that. It doesn't have football in it. He had nothing to do with it. The petals each say "I promise to" and the kid filled them in. Here is a list of his promises:<br /><ol><li>Get the mail (from the sounds of this, you could deduce that we either get a shitload of mail, or we live at the end of a long country road. Neither would be correct.)</li><li>Not record on the DVR (a little background on this? I was pissed the other day when Grey's Anatomy didn't record because the DVR was at 100% with the Deadliest Catch and Spongebob episodes.</li><li>make breakfast on mother's day (if by make breakfast he meant to sit on the couch and ask if he could have another pop tart, then he SOO did this.)</li><li>clean my face (This kid could make a mess eating ice. I have an anxiety attack any time we have wings or ribs. Not pretty)</li><li>not beat up Little (AS IF)</li></ol><p>So damn sweet. </p><p> </p><p>The swag from Little was even better! It included a flower of unknown origin planted in a regular pot, without a picture on it. (I am afraid I might forget what he looks like) A flower made of tissue paper, and a homemade card. The card touts the ways in which I am special...Here goes:</p><p>My Mom's name is (Misspelled)</p><p>She is special because (she buy me ice cream) That's right. I buy ice cream. Jealous much?</p><p>I like it when my mom (tickles me) OMG. So cute</p><p>My mom can do many things! I think she's best at (cooking) uhm...hey kid. They are talking about ME! Cooking? Really? THAT is what I do best? Heaven help us.</p><p>My mom has a pretty smile! I like to make her smile by (going crazy) Yep. That will do it.</p><p>My mom is as pretty as a (Princess) Who moved up to favorite? That's right!</p><p>My mom is smart. She even knows (everything) Are you starting to think maybe he copied off the kid next to him, so he could go outside faster? I know I am!</p><p>I like to tell my mom (I love her) Collective AWWWW!</p><p>It was a nice Mother's Day. Little picked the menu for dinner. We had Bourbon Chicken and Tater Tots...that is sooo how we roll around here!</p>chickenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09920276594254258988noreply@blogger.com3