a disclaimer

Ok...so...my husband is very much a republican. Very. Much. I know...but this isn't even why we have problems...anyway...I like to think of myself as a free spirit...kind of vote on the issues, not the party...which worked out well...but a few years ago...when we were "allegedly" getting a tax credit to be mailed out, in addition to our regular tax refund...you remember...this was the first time they did it...I mockingly said "The day I receive that check in the mail is the day I become a rep." Well. Hot damn. I got that check in the mail...cashed that bitch...and came home to my husband on the couch with a voter registration form beside him. He had lovingly filled in most of it for me. I signed it...not because I wanted to be a rep...but because I am nothing if not a girl of my word. So...I am rep. In name only.
I voted for Clinton, both times...which brings me to today...He is speaking locally here tomorrow...and I am thinking seriously about taking Big to hear him speak. I think that it is important for him to be involved in current events...well...the mere mention of this has caused my husband to have heart palpitations...I am actually afraid to mention it to either my father, or my father in law, for fear of either sending them to an early grave or causing them to call children services to take the kids from me...
I just want to say...if something happens to any one of the 3...I had nothing to do with it.

Memories...

I was just hanging out over at Jennsylvania...and she talked about how she got loaded up and sent an email to a friend of hers...and it reminded me of the night...not so long ago...when I was on my way to getting trashed...and sent a text to someone who might not have been the intended recipient...and then proceeded to sing karaoke (Britney-Toxic...I had been working on that...) in a NON-karaoke bar...and giving a lap dance to my son's pee wee football coach...ok...there was a reason...I wanted to know what it would take to get him to be captain for the next game...and then proceeded to do a bump and grind routine on this poor guys leg. I don't think I threw up. However, on the ride home, when I said "turn left here" I really was thinking "turn right" and proceeded to yell at my friend's husband for turning wrong...(he is less than fond of me, to this day.) The next day...after a long shower and a big cup of coffee...or 10, I got to the game, just in time to see my son standing at midfield with the coach and the other 2 captains for that game. The coach txt'd me from midfield to make sure I saw it. Yeah...momma shook her money maker...but it paid off.
It took me a while to get beyond the embarrassment. We now refer to this as the "night of the lap dance..." or "stripper Jodi"
But...hey...it worked...and frankly, I am going to have to keep my girlish figure, because I can totally see needing to pull the lap dance out for Little. Only, that will be a little bit more tricky...since I am thinking that he will need the help at school. Wonder if they would install a pole in the cafeteria?

go away

go away...eye infection.
I had to go to the follow up eye appt. today...or as I am going to call it from now on, "the old bait and switch."
Gone was Dr. Hottie. In his place? Dr. Not-so-hottie. He was so mean about my eye infection. I think he really thought I was getting a kick out of having it...like I LIKED going to the eye doctor or something. (I want to know who told him...)
Anyway...Dr. NSH yelled at me...told me that my eye health is very important...and then promptly upped the antibiotic. Which had a $25 co-pay instead of $5. Plus, since he is my EYE doctor...not my PCP, he is considered out of network, so that set me back $60...plus, when I was at the drugstore waiting for my medicine, I bought chocolate easter eggs and diet coke...and a magazine...but I did take my blood pressure...(I feel like I might be 7) The whole thing irritated me.
Oh? And freakily enough? As I am waiting for my name to be called so I could pay for all this loot...I hear "Sugar free vanilla, non fat latte" which is my nickname, apparently. Turns out, the girl behind the counter at the pharmacy used to work at my favorite starbucks. Funny. And a tad bit frightening.

couple a things...

1. If we are driving FORWARD...and you, lady in the big white SUV in front of me, decide that forward isn't working out for you and you suddenly stick it in reverse...DO NOT get bent when I flip you off and beep the horn. Just because YOU want to go backwards, does not mean I want to, as well.
2. If you have a tendency to fall down and get bruised on your legs/thighs, it is probably NOT a good idea to wear your micro mini with the fuck me boots and no stockings. To work.
3. If you WANT to wear your big furry blue boots because it is snowing out, I get that. However, I don't get why you don't immediately change out of them. You have to know how ree-dick you look.
4. If you want to smell like a stripper, fine by me. If you feel the need to freshen up that ever fresh stripper smell in the bathroom while I pee, that is NOT fine by me. So you know...perfume at walmart is NOT a deal.
5. If you want to argue with your husband/boyfriend/paperboy, that is also fine by me. If you do it while I am seated in the cube next to you, don't get mad at me because I laugh when you become enraged that he won't pick the damn dog up at the vet. Even if it IS his dog, it is still funny. (this one you might have to trust me on...)
6. One 7 yr old + a Yosemite Sam video + 2 plastic pistols = a scratched cornea for me. (full contact parenting is something I subscribe to)
7. A scratched cornea = a trip to see Dr. Hottie, the eye doctor. I know I joked about sticking a fork in my eye, but never did I dream of sticking a plastic pistol in my eye. Who knew?
8. A scratched cornea hurts like a mother fucker.
9. Add a cold and you have one unpleasant bitch.

myth busters

I woke up a little early today...Sunday...so there was coffee and cinnamon rolls and cleaning and webkinz...then I decided to grocery shop...since it was still early and no one was awake here...I busted out to walmart...which I hate with all of my being...but you can get a shitload of stuff for not a shitload of money...and I am willing to compromise myself for some extra cash, yo.

The whole way driving to walmart, I kept thinking...it won't be crowded...it is early Sunday morning...no one will be there. Right. Not so much. In fact, if it is possible, MORE people were there. And, they were meaner. Clearly, these folk needed to be heading to the church...not Walmart. I don't understand why, but Walmart seems to bring the mean in people out. And. The bad in kids. Why do kids think it is ok to scream and cry on the floor at Walmart? Get your ass up. That floor is dirty. And? I don't want to hear you. So...we have mean people and screamin kids. Oh joy! Can you say where are my meds?

I cannot believe that I thought it would be less crowded on a Sunday morning. Perhaps I thought everyone was at church...but alas, I was wrong.