If you know me...you know that I am a big joker. Laughing is my favorite sport. Yeah...so...being on the receiving end of an April Fools joke is RARE...for me. I am the joke player.
Today...I was got.
And...by someone so unsuspecting it isn't funny! It was a co-worker...we talk 5 or more times a day...and this morning he calls and we are talking about work and stuff and he told me that we wouldn't be working together much longer...as of June 1, he would have another territory. I was crushed. We get along so well. I have been at this job for almost 6 years...I have had co-workers in this capacity, come and go, and I couldn't have cared any less. Buh bye. But this new territory...I am learning some teamwork...and I have come to really like and respect this guy. So. To hear that we were "breaking up" really hit me hard.
I am almost embarrassed to say how hard! I nearly cried on the phone with him! How terrible would that have been? In this job, I don't get close to very many people, because frankly, they come and go...those that I do allow to get close, I cherish. So...really, I barely stopped short of proclaiming my undying love for this guy today. (Believe me, I am already embarrassed enough...) He wanted to send me the email that showed all the changes, but I flat out refused. I told him that I wouldn't read it, because I was in denial. I would remain in denial until I couldn't do anything about the changes.
He sent the email. I didn't open it. Our conversation changed and we continued talking about work...it wasn't until about 10 minutes later, right before we were hanging up, that I clicked on the email. Mother Fucker said APRIL FOOLS.
I was fooled, alright.
I couldn't believe that I HAD BEEN GOTTEN!
I have a new found respect for this man. I may offer to have his children.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Murphy
This is Murphy. I am not a fan of rats...but from the front, Murphy is the cutest thing ever. From the back? Murphy has the biggest set of nuts I have ever seen...and a freakishly long tail. No thanks.
He isn't ours...he is part of my friends zoo...cats, dogs, rats, a spider, and a bunny or two.
We spent Friday evening there...
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Something is gonna getcha!
I have been doing some boo-hooing lately. You know...random health issues that make me realize I might not be invincible. First it was the "OMG you have a hernia...no wait we're taking your colon" and then it was the "I know you love the eye doctor, here is a corneal ulcer." Throw in a "coughing so much your abs hurt" cold...and last but not least "We know there are abnormal cells on your cervix, but we are going to use a knitting needle and rake to take more samples" trip to the gynecologist.
Please. I could drown in the pool of tears I am crying over all of this. Poor Poor me. In fact, I have said "can a girl get a break" in the most ghetto tone I can muster. I mean, an eye infection and a colon-ectomy and cough/cold AND an abnormal pap? The world might end.
None of it is life threatening. None of it. But all of it is bringing me down. I am still sleepy from the colon surgery. (wait. Maybe I am just lazy.) I can't shake the cold. Or the eye thing. (shout out to dr. cutie!) and the abnormal pap was just the cherry on top.
So...yesterday at my shrink appt. I was telling her all about it. And I can identify why the colposcopy freaked me out. I was on the table and the dr was talking about an outpatient surgery that he wanted to do in order to remove the cells. I kept thinking "he is saying minor surgery. he is saying outpatient. But they said very similar when I went in for an alleged hernia and came out 12 inches of colon and an appendix lighter." So my freak out was kinda normal...or at least understandable. But my woe is me...Eeyore attitude needed to go. And...my shrink kinda told me that.
She started telling me a story about how sad her father was when he found out he had bladder cancer. I felt bad for feeling bad for myself, when obviously, her dad was worse off than I was...but she was going somewhere...she basically said that her sister, after a week of him being sad and woe is me-esque, told him that everyone dies from something. And fuck if she isn't right. Everyone dies of something. So...rather than sit around, waiting for something to kill me...maybe I should stop feeling sorry for myself, feel grateful that nothing that is wrong with me is life threatening, and get on with things.
You know, cause something is gonna getcha.
Please. I could drown in the pool of tears I am crying over all of this. Poor Poor me. In fact, I have said "can a girl get a break" in the most ghetto tone I can muster. I mean, an eye infection and a colon-ectomy and cough/cold AND an abnormal pap? The world might end.
None of it is life threatening. None of it. But all of it is bringing me down. I am still sleepy from the colon surgery. (wait. Maybe I am just lazy.) I can't shake the cold. Or the eye thing. (shout out to dr. cutie!) and the abnormal pap was just the cherry on top.
So...yesterday at my shrink appt. I was telling her all about it. And I can identify why the colposcopy freaked me out. I was on the table and the dr was talking about an outpatient surgery that he wanted to do in order to remove the cells. I kept thinking "he is saying minor surgery. he is saying outpatient. But they said very similar when I went in for an alleged hernia and came out 12 inches of colon and an appendix lighter." So my freak out was kinda normal...or at least understandable. But my woe is me...Eeyore attitude needed to go. And...my shrink kinda told me that.
She started telling me a story about how sad her father was when he found out he had bladder cancer. I felt bad for feeling bad for myself, when obviously, her dad was worse off than I was...but she was going somewhere...she basically said that her sister, after a week of him being sad and woe is me-esque, told him that everyone dies from something. And fuck if she isn't right. Everyone dies of something. So...rather than sit around, waiting for something to kill me...maybe I should stop feeling sorry for myself, feel grateful that nothing that is wrong with me is life threatening, and get on with things.
You know, cause something is gonna getcha.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
discovery channel is good food
The following took place moments ago.
Big: "MOM!"
Me: "what?"
Big: "That make up that you smear all over your face? it is made of PIG FAT."
me: "uhm...what? Oh...right...the discovery channel...k thanks for sharing."
Big: "Yeah. GROSS. And? Do you know what HAM is made from?"
Me: "pig fat?"
Big: "No MOM. PIG. PIG."
Me: "right...I have heard that before...must be true."
Big: "Do you know what part?"
Me: "The rooter? or the tooter?"
Big: (coming close enough to whisper...)"THE BUTT"
Me: "Good to know. Thanks."
I bet he will never eat HAM again.
Big: "MOM!"
Me: "what?"
Big: "That make up that you smear all over your face? it is made of PIG FAT."
me: "uhm...what? Oh...right...the discovery channel...k thanks for sharing."
Big: "Yeah. GROSS. And? Do you know what HAM is made from?"
Me: "pig fat?"
Big: "No MOM. PIG. PIG."
Me: "right...I have heard that before...must be true."
Big: "Do you know what part?"
Me: "The rooter? or the tooter?"
Big: (coming close enough to whisper...)"THE BUTT"
Me: "Good to know. Thanks."
I bet he will never eat HAM again.
drinking and hiding easter eggs don't mix
Last night was a big night out for me. It was a "make up" St. Patrick's Day party. Last week's was cancelled for some reason that I am not completely sure of, but that is ok. Every day can be St. Patrick's Day for me, I don't care.
I spent most of the day leading up to the big bash, cleaning, taking kids to egg hunts, baking cakes, coloring eggs, etc. So, when it came time to don my "Everyone loves an Irish girl" tee shirt from Target, and hit the streets looking for a pot of gold, I was more than ready.
I met my friends at a local pub. It was by no stretch of the imagination, a pub. But let's call it that for shits and giggles, k? I had already bought a ticket...and so I was granted admission to the par-tay. Some of the local favorites were hanging out...oh...look, there is my 65 yr old neighbor over there...let's not make eye contact...everyone was already established at a table in the back. The "big" buffet, that the tickets promised, was actually a table with a few things...and GREEN chocolate flowing from a fountain. I found this completely disturbing...but indulged anyway. It was fun. There was a lot of laughing...some boy nipple comparing...more laughing...much drinking...at one point, I busted out the "robot" move from my 8th grade dance moves. There were some other fun things...then, I found myself looking at a girl/woman's ass that I didn't really know. She was bent over...and her butt was BEGGING me to smack it. So! SMACK! omg. I didn't! Turns out I did. Not sure who was more embarrassed...but I didn't say "...gave that big booty a smack..." which is what was playing in my head...so I guess I should consider myself lucky! I also spent a lot of time looking at this one redhaired man wearing a leprechaun hat. No sir. YES SIR!
So, my friend JKLMNOP walked me home...and it was upon entering the house, that I remembered I had to hid eggs and make the baskets. Not a good idea. Hiding the eggs involved me wrestling them out of the dogs mouth, because he apparently thought they would taste good. Making the baskets didn't go so well...especially since I would get one made up, have to stop to wrestle the dog, and then fuck it up when I tried to finish. I ended up stacking the shit inside the basket in no organized manner, shoved eggs further under the couch than the dogs head could reach, and called it a night.
I was, of course, not done. At the top of the steps was Little, with a tooth in his hand. Uhm? How did you lose a tooth in the middle of the night? He says he wiggled it. I couldn't be sure that the toothfairy had any ones left, so I mumbled something about it being too late tonight, but that the toothfairy would be stopping tomorrow. Turns out, I did have some ones...so it was all good.
I woke up this moring to find 6 texts in my in box. 4 were from Cheryl. The most recent one said "Dude. You HIT on my brother." Clearly, she was texting the wrong person. I remember talking to her brother, but hitting on someone, I think I would know. A few more texts confirm that I MIGHT have hit on him. Which is funny, because of about a million things. Also, she thinks he was being retarded and that I am fine. No hitting. We did giggle that we could be related...but only 1/4...because she and her brother have recently discovered that they don't share the same dad...and neither of their dads are the man that they called "daddy" when they grew up...but that is for another day...
Oh. I also confirmed the robot dance and the ass smacking...those seem to be for true.
I spent most of the day leading up to the big bash, cleaning, taking kids to egg hunts, baking cakes, coloring eggs, etc. So, when it came time to don my "Everyone loves an Irish girl" tee shirt from Target, and hit the streets looking for a pot of gold, I was more than ready.
I met my friends at a local pub. It was by no stretch of the imagination, a pub. But let's call it that for shits and giggles, k? I had already bought a ticket...and so I was granted admission to the par-tay. Some of the local favorites were hanging out...oh...look, there is my 65 yr old neighbor over there...let's not make eye contact...everyone was already established at a table in the back. The "big" buffet, that the tickets promised, was actually a table with a few things...and GREEN chocolate flowing from a fountain. I found this completely disturbing...but indulged anyway. It was fun. There was a lot of laughing...some boy nipple comparing...more laughing...much drinking...at one point, I busted out the "robot" move from my 8th grade dance moves. There were some other fun things...then, I found myself looking at a girl/woman's ass that I didn't really know. She was bent over...and her butt was BEGGING me to smack it. So! SMACK! omg. I didn't! Turns out I did. Not sure who was more embarrassed...but I didn't say "...gave that big booty a smack..." which is what was playing in my head...so I guess I should consider myself lucky! I also spent a lot of time looking at this one redhaired man wearing a leprechaun hat. No sir. YES SIR!
So, my friend JKLMNOP walked me home...and it was upon entering the house, that I remembered I had to hid eggs and make the baskets. Not a good idea. Hiding the eggs involved me wrestling them out of the dogs mouth, because he apparently thought they would taste good. Making the baskets didn't go so well...especially since I would get one made up, have to stop to wrestle the dog, and then fuck it up when I tried to finish. I ended up stacking the shit inside the basket in no organized manner, shoved eggs further under the couch than the dogs head could reach, and called it a night.
I was, of course, not done. At the top of the steps was Little, with a tooth in his hand. Uhm? How did you lose a tooth in the middle of the night? He says he wiggled it. I couldn't be sure that the toothfairy had any ones left, so I mumbled something about it being too late tonight, but that the toothfairy would be stopping tomorrow. Turns out, I did have some ones...so it was all good.
I woke up this moring to find 6 texts in my in box. 4 were from Cheryl. The most recent one said "Dude. You HIT on my brother." Clearly, she was texting the wrong person. I remember talking to her brother, but hitting on someone, I think I would know. A few more texts confirm that I MIGHT have hit on him. Which is funny, because of about a million things. Also, she thinks he was being retarded and that I am fine. No hitting. We did giggle that we could be related...but only 1/4...because she and her brother have recently discovered that they don't share the same dad...and neither of their dads are the man that they called "daddy" when they grew up...but that is for another day...
Oh. I also confirmed the robot dance and the ass smacking...those seem to be for true.
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