ONE HOT MESS

I am stealing that line from you Lauren. I will credit you with it everytime...unlike our girl Belt-a-saurus Rex...she will steal your shit and claim it as her own, so fast!
Anyway...here is my blog-a-saurus Rex about the whole trip to NYC. Mind you...I am calmed down...so it may not be as funny.
Main characters in this story: Shruggy (Lauren) and Belt-A-Saurus Rex (Julie)
Monday...BIG mistake. We let shruggy pick the spot for dinner. ONLY after we had drinks at probably the only bar in Manhattan that NO ONE went to. We rolled up to that bar and instantly the population inside TRIPLED! There was no one there. We ditched that "hot spot" for dinner. I am not sure, but I think Monday was destined to be somewhat UNFORGETABLE. The place Shrugs picked was some place at the bottom of the empire state building. We ordered apps, shout out to JB and the days of 3 course meals...and dinner. There were 3 of us, and we asked about 3 seperate checks...which proved to be a dilema for the waitress. We ate there, anyway...and we probably shouldn't have. I blame myself for that. So. I order steak. You can't fuck steak up, right? WRONG. It was the worst excuse for a steak I have ever seen...and I have eaten at PONDEROSA for crying out loud. I can't even begin to describe it. Gross is probably a fair word. So it is time to leave and we ask if they can split the bill with 3 cards...the waitress goes on and on about how it is the holiday season and they can't. Apparently, Math takes a holiday. So. I start to get a little pissed off and ask to speak to a manager. Well. It turned out they COULD split it 3 ways. I also slipped in that the waitress was rude. Didn't matter...because they already added 18% onto our bill for a tip. I inquired about that as well...but again...the holiday season. I will never go back there again.
Tuesday...the big day for the Jets event. And...really where I fall head over heels in love with Shrugs. (I know...it is news to her too.) We get to the Meadowlands...the wine is flowing freely...it was just an all around good time. I toured the stadium with her...but it really got fun when she and Belt-a-saurus Rex ended up a little tipsy. Aaron, Belt's date for the evening, was also drinking plenty of the free wine. They were funny. So...I kiss Tim Dwight. (I love to say that.) Then we are in line to get an autograph...unbeknownst to me, Aaron tells Tim that the girl 2 back wants to "bang" him...which, make no mistake, I DID...but he didn't need to tell him that. So. It is my turn and I couldn't decide if I should give TD a lap dance or what? So, I say, can I kiss you? and plant one on his cheek...well. This tips both him and Jonathan Vilma off to the fact that I was the girl who wanted to bang him! I didn't end up banging him...in case you were wondering...but now that he is out for the season, I am thinking about another trip to NYC, I mean, he clearly has a lot of time on his hands.
Wed. Shrugs and I head to Little Italy for a nice, quiet, romantic dinner. I would have proposed to her, but lets just say it is a good thing that I didn't. Dinner was nice. My favorite place in the whole world to eat. (keep in mind that my world is pretty small...but still) I bet my left overs are still in the fridge at the hotel...We walked the streets of Little Italy...I bought a knock off Dolce and Gabbana bag. I thought that I had sworn off the knock offs, but this one looks great! It was fun....
Thurs...Belt-a-saurus, Shrugs, and my self join a few others for some happy hour festivities. I wanted to see the tree at Rockafeller Center...so as soon as hotty mchotterson left, Belt and I were OUT OF THERE...we cabbed it to RC to see the tree...which, kinda looked a lot like a tree. Hmm. I was slightly disappointed. Belts, however, decided to spread the holiday cheer. She strolled the area, looking for families who appeared to be in need of a picture taken. Yes. It was classic. Until she starts yelling about the "foreigners" not knowing how to work a "GD" camera. Which kinda rained on the holiday spirit. I mean, she didn't yell AT them...but still. She also got mad at me for "stealing her JuJu" what ever that means. We finished up with a $125 dinner. I swear we LEFT more food than a third world country HAS. But what ever.
Friday begins the day from hell. We leave for the airport at 12:30pm. Seemingly plenty of time for our 3:35 departure. The bellman at the airport can't find my luggage at first. Would I mind going with him to locate it? Ok. What? So. My luggage is located, and we head out. This shady doorman offers to get us a "ride" to the airport...which we now know means the scenic tour of Queens. I swear, this driver had NEVER been to the airport before that day. NEVER. He would pull up to a stop sign (which, if you go the right way to La Guardia, there should be NO STOP SIGNS) and would kinda look left and right in a shifty manner that indicated he was unsure which way to go...At one point, we are in the middle of the intersection. Cars are turning left. Cars are turning right. Going straight is NOT an option...so I say "I hate to point this out, but I don't think that you KNOW where you are going. We are in the middle of the intersection." Which may have pissed him off, but we did go right and that turned out to be the right way to go. There was a collective sigh when we saw the sign for La Guardia. We did make it there...by about 2:30. Not really a 2 hour ride, but what ever...didn't matter. Our flight was going to be delayed like a mother fucker. 3:35 departure was pushed back to 4:45, then 5:35. We boarded and were ready to go...pushed from the gate...OH. Wait. We are not going ANYWHERE. seems they closed all of the routes to the west. Which incidently, we were going. So. we sit. And we sit. and then we continue sitting...We sat until, oh I don't know...9:15 ish? Yeah. Awesome. No food. No drinks, aside from the occasional glass of water that the flight attendant would bring by. The bathroom smelled like a urinal. Belts kept opening the perfume ads in her magazine, forcing me to threaten to kill her right there. At one point, the plane seemed to be "driving around" and I asked if we couldn't get dropped at the hotel near by...not so much. We got home at 11pm. 11 PM. I had only eaten the 2 bags of snack mix that Belts managed to swindle for us...nothing is open in the COUNTY at 11pm. It was one crazy mother fucking trip.
I did have fun.