fashion for the unfashionable

I have noticed a lot of fashion errors lately...and frankly, it is time for me to stop being so nice and and just address them...
First of all...You there, in the above-the-ankle skirt. You look so nice from the front...and I know that is all you see...but when I walk behind you, I notice that you have knee-hi stockings on. How do I know this? No. I am not clairvoyant. I can clearly see them because the slit up the back of your skirt shows them off. I have no idea why none of your friends have not told you about this little "over sight" but, I will. It is tacky and I would prefer not to see it again. Ok?
And for the record. They are black. You are not. See where the dead give-away was?

Next up...the lady who is insisting on rocking the boots/gaucho pant look. Now. I am a big fan of this look. In fact, some may call it "my thing." Yes. It is true that I have several pair of the shorter pants that I wear with the high boots. Yes. It is also true that this look probably doesn't take a lot to pull off. One thing that I think tends to ruin it for you is the fact that you are constantly looking like you just climbed off a horse. Really. I don't get why your legs do that. I am sorry about it. But. The legs are what make or break the "look" and I am sorry, but yours are breaking it. I hope that doesn't come off too harsh...because honestly, I am not done with you, so wipe the tears. If...and that is a big IF...you decide to continue to rock that look...please keep a few things in mind. The reason that you wear boots is to slenderize the leg and make it look longer and sleek. If you wear boots that fall short of the bottom of your pants, you are missing the whole purpose of the "look." I don't want to see your knees. I just don't. Coupling this with the whole leg thing you've got going on just makes for a mess. Then, you decide to throw caution to the wind with the colors? It is a wonder you have not had your shopping privileges revoked. What is with the turquoise? That shows up NO WHERE on this season's (or the last 50 seasons) fashion radar. I am sorry. You are too fun to make fun of...

Then we have the whole belly sweater/baby tee look. Yeah. Did you lose a bet? That would be the only way I would believe that you saw fit to wear that outfit. If YOU think it makes your belly stick out...I think it 20 times more. You shouldn't have been allowed out of the house, and on your friends/roommates behalf, I apologize. No go and see if those pants come a size bigger.

And. If your pants were feeling a little snug on the ride into work this morning, do you think that standing in line for french toast is the best plan? Maybe grab a banana and call it a morning?
I know there are many more fashion mistakes at work...just dying for me to tackle them...Wait for it!