A nubbinectomy

Never a dull moment here at casa de crazy. Let me bring you up to speed. Big has had a bump on his lip for about a month now. He bites it and it bleeds and it has doubled in size over the last few days. At this rate, I am going to have to start packing it a lunch...so, at the urging of every relative with a pulse, I made an appt to take him to the pediatrician. Don't get me started on the fact that I had to take him. Because honestly, YOU DON'T WANT TO GO THERE. So. I pick Big AND Little up at my in laws...and off we go. I figure the doctor will stick something in it and drain all the shit out. Yeah. Not so much. The doctor is perplexed. Never a good thing. She says, I'll be right back...and leaves. Leaves me alone with the wiggle brothers. Seriously. She does come back...and says, "I ran across the hall to the ENT and he would like to take a look..." Ok. We are off to another $25 co pay, I mean doctor. The ENT was nice enough to squeeze us in. He is also nice enough to employ 2 of the most crotchety old ladies in the world. Thanks for that. While he was willing to see us on short notice, the women were hell bent on making sure I was aware of how NICE they were being by seeing me on such short notice. Thanks...but to be honest? I didn't want to be there. I didn't think it was anything more than a bump. One that I would be more than happy to lop off in the living room with a butcher knife and some waxed paper. (Remind me to tell you about the time I used dental floss to remove a skin tag from my neck. Not my proudest moment.) Anyway...the crotchety sisters were in the middle of a contest to see who could be meaner. Frankly, the nurse won. Finally, we see the good doctor. Who informs me, that in his 25 years of practice, he has never seen anything like this. I totally felt like I was in the middle of the Friends episode where the doctors gather around Ross' butt to look at his nubbin. Anywhooo...he pokes and squeezes and pulls...and looks in Big's ears, nose, and wait for it...THROAT...which I didn't follow, but whatever...he is the ENT, I think it is a habit.
Long about 2 1/2 hours later, we were scheduled for surgery! Yes. Surgery. On something that we don't actually know what is. It is just an odd bump that Big managed to make bigger by biting and splitting open while playing football and wrestling...Yeah. So. Next Wed? I get to sit in for a nubbinectomy. Maybe they'll let us keep it?! You know, take it home in a jar! Like tonsils?