Hot dog, hold the bun

Tonight, I found myself in a situation that I never thought I would be in. I was shopping for a dress for my child! Now, you know that I only have boys...so what the heck?
It's Halloween! Don't worry...they are going trick or treating as very manly men. Little is going to be a goth/zombie/Frankenstein guy and Big is going to be an army man. Both very testosterone laden and masculine. However, Big was once again, invited to the party of the year! Honestly, this girl goes all out for her birthday party. I would LOVE to do this! This year, the theme is "red carpet bash" and you are supposed to come as your favorite celeb. Big at first wanted to be Clint Eastwood or some shit like that...and I was all...No baby! Why don't we bust out the wig from last year and you can goes as Britney! Hell to the yeah! It really took about a second for him to come on board that train! So...that is how I ended up shopping for dresses, no, GOWNS...for my son!

This took us to the local goodwill. Now, please don't get me wrong. I have shopped at the goodwill. I take my crap there...and I bring other peoples crap home...and so I know, there are good Goodwill's, and there are not so good ones. This one? NOT SO GOOD. You could guess that from the smell. At least that is how I can tell. This one stunk...and there was just crap all over. I didn't think we were going to find anything...until Little spots the wedding section! It was like the 1990's threw up all over the back of the store. I swear I saw a gown just like the one I wore back on that fateful day, 14 years ago. I mean, it was white. Puffy sleeves, lace, and sequins. Put it together and you have a wedding gown from the 90's. Anyway...we were browsing the selection...I was trying to keep the giggle brothers out of the way...and I found the dress. It is plum velvet. Long. High slit. Perfect for the party...and at 14.99, a real steal. We had to tackle the issue of trying that on. Both dressing rooms were occupied by women who reminded me of myself at Macy's on a good sale day. They were getting down to business. So...he takes his coat off and I try the dress on right there in the store. Good move. And Bad move. It was tight, but over a pair of Levi's and a sweatshirt, I figured we were good. Off we go to pay. The cashier looks at me and says, "you know this is 14.99, right?" I did. But apparently, people don't have that kind of jingle to toss around? Because he looked at me like I was nuts...Uhm...14.99 is probably a good 50$ less than what a dress would set me back at the Halloween store...anyway...
We get home and Big goes to try it on for realz. Uhm. Here is where the problem comes in. He has a wiener. It is obvious in a dress. REAL obvious. I mean, my kid is 11, but still...it is obvious that something isn't right in Britney-ville. So...this is where my dilemma comes in. What do I do with the wiener? I pose this question to my mother. She apparently was laughing too hard and my dad had to respond. My friend Scott said he didn't know anything about hiding a wiener...weren't boys supposed to show them off? (I am dealing with him later.) So...I ask you...where does it go? Scott did mention tighty whiteys. I have no idea if that will solve the problem or not. I know when I am trying to hold things in, I wear a control top hose. Perhaps?
The good news is, he has the cutest little butt in this dress!
Pictures on Saturday, I promise!

I'm gonna turn this blog around

For the last few months doom and gloom have taken hold. Admittedly, things are not roses and sunshine...but one thing that I have really lost touch with, has been my sense of humor. Let's face it...when that goes, really, why bother getting out of bed?
So...I am going to embrace the sarcasm and apply it to my daily life once again. I am going to revel in the fact that just when I think I am 5 minutes early, the dog escapes and I am 10 minutes late...I am going to blog about the funny, disaster that is my life...so...put on your big girl pants and let's go!
B...if you read this, I need you to pinky swear that you are not going to discuss anything at Thanksgiving dinner. If you have read past that, I am taking that as your pinky promise.
I'm going to make some changes...and hopefully get back...back in the New York Groove...(who doesn't love Ace Frehley?)

 

So...last night, I met some friends for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory.
These were not ordinary friends, these were sorority sisters...some that I haven't seen in 15 years.
Naturally, I was nervous. I am just coming out of a failed marriage. I am sad a lot. So, I was afraid that I would be the only one there who was in a bad situation.
It was such a nice surprise to go with these ladies and not have it be a "look at me" show. Everyone was so nice and so sweet...it was just nice to be there.
I am relying on my friends a lot more than I thought...and I am finding these friends in the strangest of places. People that I felt certain I would be able to count on for anything, let me down. People that I would never have suspected, are doing more than their part. It makes me feel good, in a way that I haven't felt in a long time. I hope that the friendships that were rekindled last night, continue to grow and build on what we have in common, as well as how much we have changed. I guess I'll keep you posted!

Too Cool for SCHOOL!

 

Here we are...all ready for the first day!
God are they cute!

Dream a little dream of me...

I have been really doing a lot of thinking lately...well...that and cruising facebook for pictures of me in 1989...but whatever...
A recent series of events has left me wondering if I will ever truly know happiness. If I will ever be able to find it on my own, you know, without a roadmap and some serious directions...
I recognize that things are not how I would like them to be...and I seem content to just sit and wallow in self pity, rather than pull myself up and out of this funk. Financially, this separation was the worst thing that I have ever done. The good folks at all of the major utilities are being kind...but I know that they need their $$ soon, or we won't have to worry that the gas is off, because we won't be able to see anyway! I have applied and gotten a part time job, but I can't start until the 19th, and really, it is only 10 hours/week...not exactly big bank. I can't really afford to file for divorce...because if I do, I will owe him money. So. While that goes a long way to prove my point in this whole separation...it doesn't help me put gas in the car or food on the table!
Emotionally, I have learned that I am co-dependant. An outside observer pointed this out to me. She did it in a very loving, kind way...and Eureeka! It's true! It sucks. Because I ended up glomming on to someone that I wouldn't necessarily have glommed onto, had I been in a different situation. I allowed myself to be fooled by early behavior...and I can't seem to get over it. I basically allowed someone to shit on me...and then kick me while I lay there. The sad part is, I feel like I would roll over, so they could do it again. Where did my self worth go? What am I teaching my kids? I burst into tears randomly. And, while I would never really physically harm myself, it is something that I have contemplated on way more than one occasion. Don't worry...I have a therapist...she is aware...
I guess I just don't see an end in sight to any of this...I left my husband, I can't afford to live like this, I entered into an unhealthy relationship that instead of removing myself from, I was thrown out of...
I know that I have my health. I have my family. I have my job. And I thank God every day for these things...I just wish that for a few minutes, I could catch a break.

A girl can dream...