Saturday, November 15, 2008

the countdown begins

Make no mistake...I love my birthday...LOVE IT! It is an entire week of MEMEMEME! I don't have to share or be nice or anything...and I do that so well, so any chance to show that off is welcomed!
However, usually, the birthday extravaganza kicks off the holiday season! Yes, some would argue that Thanksgiving does that...but goes birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year! Birthday is a big one, second ONLY to Thanksgiving...
Thanksgiving, for as long as I can remember, has been the best that every single holiday has to offer. We celebrate it with my mom's side of the family...and while my mom does the martyr thing, and my dad self combusts, the rest of us have a grand old time. Many a family mystery has been solved over pie or hot dogs! The lamp? The disappearing beer? solved. solved.
This year will be different. This is the first year of separation holidays. The Dad will be missing. He has missed before, while serving in Iraq...but certainly, that is a different kind of thing.
I can't help but feel that instead of being excited for the holiday...I am anxious. And sad. And a million other things. I feel like this is a downward spiral clear through til New Years! And, I am not that excited for it!
We have split the holidays in a fair and agreeable fashion...but I might be stepping up my game with the therapist for a little bit!
Let's hope I am wrong. I was wrong about my bday...I thought I would be sad and disappointed, and I was a little sad, but not disappointed!
However, I broke a mirror last the odds are not in my favor!

Wish me luck, the festivities start a week from today! (I will kick the day off with a trip to the shrink...) The arrival of cousins and family is anticipated by everyone...(HI B...we can't wait to meet G!!) I'll post pictures!


~Tori said...

ugh... wow... the first one is gonna be hard, but will any of them EVER be easy... I doubt it... not to be downer-debbie... but damn! you know?

so you're taking all the right steps and looking out for #1, and I love you for that!

btw- google video chat is the bomb! get a webcam bitch!

Melissa said...

I understand the feelings. My bday is the 22nd. Then all goes to pot from there. I love the holidays, but man they wear and stress me out. Tis why I had to go last week and be put on Seroquel. Fun.
As for him not being there, I have no advice whatsoever. I know that must sound stupid and sucky, but I've never walked the path you're now walking. Just know that even though you're there and I'm here, I think of you often and am around.