Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Update on party central

Well...somebody fuck me...Saturday turned out to be unforgettable. Unforgettable in the way that having a root canal without pain meds, is unforgettable. Here is how it went...know in advance that I am NOT a morning person. No sir. Morning people don't run in my family....
Saturday at 8 mother-fucking-am, I am up, showered, and have some laundry started. No idea what came over me...but it is true. Oh. I forgot about having cinnamon rolls baking, too. Yeah. I had a big glass of June Cleaver...Anyway...both boys up and dressed (C had reserves this weekend) and ready for the semi-final football game...little is starting bench sitter...he does that job so well, we are so proud! We meet at the designated meeting point. We turn out to be the only family meeting there. So it was us and the 3 coaches. Ok. Caravan to the game...sit...for an hour and a half until the game starts...Game over, they win.(secretly hoping for an upset...just so the season ended, but that is completely wrong and I deny ever saying it.) We leave and get lunch...come home, get big ready for the party of the century. Recall, he is going to be a hula girl. So damn cute...they take turns putting on the wig...I paint his toe nails a bright orange shade...perfect hula girl color...and off we go to that party. For a 10 year old boy, he has a tremendous amount of confidence. He strolled in to that party like the shiznit. He is wearing a coconut bra and his mothers flip flops. But he had the time of his life!
The party in the ghetto? Not quite as good. We get there at 7. Which is after dark, for those of you not observing fall in western pennsylvania. I'm sorry. Did I mention it was in the ghetto? Yeah. It was. We go in...and it is ok...a normal room...filled with mostly normal kids...I think I am going to do the "drop and run" that I feel entitled to after my kid turns 6. BBBBBZZZZ Wrong! There is no drop and run. There is a table of mothers looking about as happy as I was. One mother actually had a cross word puzzle. Clearly, she had been here before. Good thinking, I thought! Anyway...2 mothers I know from football rolled in, so I at least had people to make fun of things with...and lord knows that is my favorite pastime. There was no bobbing for syringes...but the option made me laugh a second time! To be honest, the party was fine...except that at 8:30 a collective meltdown began. 8:30...kids in Halloween costumes...sugar...plenty of parents, but limited supervision...a lethal combo, really. As soon as there were tears and screams, I packed it up...I forced our present on the birthday girl and out the door we went. OOH...not so fast! In the door? The Cops. Yep. It might be the ghetto, if your 6th birthday party involves the po-lice. Drug dog. Christ, I was happy not to have any "thing" on me...how embarrassed would I be? Turns out, they just patrol the projects and he stopped in because he recognized kids from school. They are in 1st grade...Can't wait to see how they all turn out!
By the time we got home, I realized "I haven't eaten since that 1/2 cheeseburger at lunch" it was 9. I just went to bed.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

trick or treat...

First of all...I have to say...I love to be able to add pictures. It makes me feel so smart. So hip. So darn cool...Ok...carry on...

We went Halloween costume shopping. Both boys were invited to a birthday party on Saturday. Big's party is deemed "The party of the century." No pressure there, huh? So...we went...and we had a blast! Just the 3 of us...trying on wigs and hats and giggling and acting the fool. It was so much fun! We settled on these costumes...and damn are they funny! Big is going to be a hula girl. A hula girl. Complete with coconut boobs and a grass skirt. Yes, I am aware of the fact that this will probably bring on years of therapy, but frankly? He has that coming anyway! Really. Look at his parents!

Little's party is not quite the party of the century. It is a party that I am concerned about...actually. The family of the girl who is turning 6 has a problem. They like to reproduce. The wife currently has 6 children and at this time next year, that number will be 7. 3 different baby daddys, though. You know. That is how we roll here. Their constant need to reproduce wouldn't be THAT bad, if their kids were good. But they are not. The oldest is 20. then 15,9,6,5 and 2. They are always dirty. And not in a "oh...let me get a wipe and wipe that off" kind of way...more like a "Holy shit! You need a bath and a good scrubbin" kind of way. The party is at the community center in one of the local housing projects. A place I have never ventured. Good times. Drop my 6 year old off for 2 hours of dodging bullets and bobbing for syringes. He is going as a gangsta rapper. It is the funniest thing ever. So...stay tuned for the update on the Halloween party extravaganza!!

Monday, October 15, 2007

We've got a man down...

After much tooth wiggling...we finally lost a tooth. I honestly thought he was going to be the only kid at his high school graduation with all of his baby teeth...but alas! He won't be!
The normal ritual at bedtime went a little something like this:
Him: Mom, wiggle my tooth...
me: One time baby, then it is lights out for you...
Older brother: let ME wiggle it...
screaming ensued...
Him: Just wiggle, don't pull, mommy.
me: I want to pull it, just a little bit...(tugging on the tooth...)
up until last night, the tooth remained firmly in place.
Last night? The tooth popped out in my hand...his face was PRICELESS...although, I figure mine was as well!!
Of course there was blood...and phone calls...because honestly, when we draw blood or lose teeth, we have to call a relative...and in this case, when both happened...we had to call 2 relatives. All contacted were very happy at the loss of the tooth. Even if it was almost 9:30 at night.
The toothfairy came. Of course, when he woke up...the tooth had fallen onto the floor and the money had slid down in his bed, so the only thing under the pillow was the note that we left, requesting that the toothfairy Leave the money AND the tooth! There were tears...and then when the tooth/money were discovered, the big one was pissed off. Apparently, he never got $2 for a tooth. I started to explain inflation to him...but the little one interrupted and just said "well, you never had a tooth pulled by your mom." Clearly the only logical explanation.

Monday, October 08, 2007

10 years...

Wow! Time sure flies when you have fun...

Here is to you, P-Diddy...On your 10th birthday...I love you...for the boy you are...and the man that you will become.

I remember so much about those early days with you...I remember you and daddy watching Penn State on tv 3 days after you were born. I think you slept. I remember not long after you were born, John Denver died. We sat on the livingroom floor and sang some of his songs...your dad and I...When I was very pregnant with you, Princess Diana died. I cried like she had been my best friend. So sad. I remember the crisp autumn weather...sitting on the porch...swinging. Wondering if either one of us was ever going to make it through the day without crying. I think it was much later that we were able to do that!!

I remember your first day of preschool. So cute...I just wanted to hold you and never let go. Your teacher, Miss Wendy, thought I was off my rocker...I cried at orientation. Then came your brother. I know you remember the day he was born as the day Aunt Heather forgot the ketchup! Your memory is incredible. The day Logan was born is the day you aged so quickly. You went from being my tiny little baby boy...to being the big brother. Oh...how fast the time has gone.

Yesterday, you were in kindergarten. Today...4th grade. You are an athlete. A caring young man...a son, a brother, a grandson...a friend...I love you baby.

I love you!

Saturday, October 06, 2007

It's my life...

Ok...I know times are tough all over town. Yeah. I get that. I get that paydays should come a little more often and bills, not as much. Fine. Whatever. But lately, it seems to be much harder to make ends meet than it has in the past....that being said...I will admit right here, that I shop at Walmart. For food. I can't bring myself to purchase anything else there, but food does it for me.
I was on a mission to save $ this weekend, to try and keep checks from bouncing, and buy a birthday present for my son. Ok. So. I also decided to throw a tiny little birthday party for the boy, too. I invited some family...and my mission to save $ was put to the test...First stop? Aldis. Not Aldo...the shoe store...but Aldi...the super cheap grocery store. Ok. I have been to Aldi exactly ONE other time before that...and probably broke out in a rash from it...but my memory was apparently erased, because I couldn't remember a damn thing about how they don't allow you a shopping cart...Nope. Apparently, you can RENT one. Ok. No. I can carry what I need, right? So...here I am...carrying 2 bags of chips, 2 things of cheese, and I notice the pickles are on sale/for sale? So...where am I going to put them? Aha! My handbag. Yes. That is right, I was shoving jars of pickles and olives into my knock off D&G bag. In broad daylight. Without concern...I had to actually stop and text my friend, because really, when you find yourself at rock bottom...you really need to share it with someone. So...check out...back in the bag with the pickles...but I had to take them out when I got to the car...because I was going to Walmart and didn't want to be accused of shoplifting pickles from Walmart, that I paid for at Aldi.
Walmart. The deli. The deli is actually where I am going to die. Yes. You can go there at any given time of the day or night...and there are always going to be 20 disgruntled people in front of you. Always. So. I wait. I do need chipped ham...for ham bbq. And I wait. And...wait. My turn...OH MY LORD. The man waiting on me DOESN'T HAVE ANY BOTTOM TEETH. Ok. I am exaggerating. He doesn't have the MAIN 4 bottom teeth. He has the pointy ones...but not the front 4. Ok. Perhaps this is Walmart's new way of keeping down costs. And I get that. Hire people without teeth to work in the deli...they certainly won't eat your food...They just can't. And that is great and fine. In theory. Not so much in practice. It scares me enough that they wear those big honkin hair nets. Why? Are they all sporting gigantic afros? I doubt it. But still, they wear hairnets that will cover the entire state of Vermont. Now? They don't have teeth? Please. No more. It is halloween time. Could that man with no teeth have sprung for some waxed lips? Or dracula teeth? I mean, dental is expensive...but those two alternatives are relatively cheap. I don't know...something to think about.
So...I left Walmart...pondering how my life has become what it is. How can I possibly be the same girl who used to have a cashmere collection? A Neiman Marcus credit card? And a taste for all things Coach and leather? Fast forward a few years. Old Navy cutoffs? Check. Target flip flops? Check. Knock off hand bag, filled with pickles from Aldi? Check.
I need a xanax...and some cashmere....

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Oh Dear!

I think that there may be cause for alarm. It would seem that Forever 21, the ever hip...very trendy...exceptionally CHEAP clothing store, has taken ill and thrown up all over a girl here at work. I must preface this story with the fact that I get a rash around cheap clothes. I don't mean to sound snobby, but it is true. I spent a great deal of time overweight...and I developed an appreciation for good fabric and well made clothes. You see...there were not a lot of options for a working woman who wore a size 22. I was a regular in the "plus" dept at Macy's. I had yards, no bolts, of fabric from Jones New York, Liz...and Ang HATED my Liz collection, among others...and they were, well made. Now that I can shop at places like Forever 21 (ok...technically, I CAN'T shop there, because I haven't been 21 in quite a few years...) I am appalled at the lack of quality that passes for fashion these days. This girl was seen sporting a grey mini dress...short sleeves, short skirt...with a long sleeve blouse underneath. Apparently, this is all the rage among the younger crowd. I don't get it, but whatever. The mini dress SKIMMED high mid thigh. When she sat down, I TOTALLY saw London (as in...I see London, I see France...) I saw more of her than my husband has seen of me in weeks! She pulled this outfit together with MUSTARD yellow shoes. Confused? Me too! It is the ugliest outfit EVA! Her hair? Not sure what we are trying to pull there...the top is pulled back in a clip...then the bottom is kind of twisted and up and fixed with another clip. Looking like 2 very different hairstyles, all sitting down together. It was hard to look away. It was even harder not to stage an intervention and go all "Glamour Don't" on her ass. She is young. I guess she is entitled to her mistakes...I know I made them...thinking about the plaid short/vest combo that I rocked one day, early in my work career.
Let's all send a get well card to Forever 21...in hopes to avoid any further vomiting on anyone!!