Saturday, October 06, 2007

It's my life...

Ok...I know times are tough all over town. Yeah. I get that. I get that paydays should come a little more often and bills, not as much. Fine. Whatever. But lately, it seems to be much harder to make ends meet than it has in the past....that being said...I will admit right here, that I shop at Walmart. For food. I can't bring myself to purchase anything else there, but food does it for me.
I was on a mission to save $ this weekend, to try and keep checks from bouncing, and buy a birthday present for my son. Ok. So. I also decided to throw a tiny little birthday party for the boy, too. I invited some family...and my mission to save $ was put to the test...First stop? Aldis. Not Aldo...the shoe store...but Aldi...the super cheap grocery store. Ok. I have been to Aldi exactly ONE other time before that...and probably broke out in a rash from it...but my memory was apparently erased, because I couldn't remember a damn thing about how they don't allow you a shopping cart...Nope. Apparently, you can RENT one. Ok. No. I can carry what I need, right? I am...carrying 2 bags of chips, 2 things of cheese, and I notice the pickles are on sale/for sale? So...where am I going to put them? Aha! My handbag. Yes. That is right, I was shoving jars of pickles and olives into my knock off D&G bag. In broad daylight. Without concern...I had to actually stop and text my friend, because really, when you find yourself at rock really need to share it with someone. So...check out...back in the bag with the pickles...but I had to take them out when I got to the car...because I was going to Walmart and didn't want to be accused of shoplifting pickles from Walmart, that I paid for at Aldi.
Walmart. The deli. The deli is actually where I am going to die. Yes. You can go there at any given time of the day or night...and there are always going to be 20 disgruntled people in front of you. Always. So. I wait. I do need chipped ham...for ham bbq. And I wait. And...wait. My turn...OH MY LORD. The man waiting on me DOESN'T HAVE ANY BOTTOM TEETH. Ok. I am exaggerating. He doesn't have the MAIN 4 bottom teeth. He has the pointy ones...but not the front 4. Ok. Perhaps this is Walmart's new way of keeping down costs. And I get that. Hire people without teeth to work in the deli...they certainly won't eat your food...They just can't. And that is great and fine. In theory. Not so much in practice. It scares me enough that they wear those big honkin hair nets. Why? Are they all sporting gigantic afros? I doubt it. But still, they wear hairnets that will cover the entire state of Vermont. Now? They don't have teeth? Please. No more. It is halloween time. Could that man with no teeth have sprung for some waxed lips? Or dracula teeth? I mean, dental is expensive...but those two alternatives are relatively cheap. I don't know...something to think about.
So...I left Walmart...pondering how my life has become what it is. How can I possibly be the same girl who used to have a cashmere collection? A Neiman Marcus credit card? And a taste for all things Coach and leather? Fast forward a few years. Old Navy cutoffs? Check. Target flip flops? Check. Knock off hand bag, filled with pickles from Aldi? Check.
I need a xanax...and some cashmere....

1 comment:

Melissa said...

LMAOOOOOOOOOO and here I am, just the opposite. I have panic attacks buying my damn $50 bra from VS. I'm such a tightass, I shit quarters. ROFL