Monday, August 27, 2007

back to school!

Today is the first day of school...Big is in 4th grade...little is in 1st. The dog is sad. "Where are my boys going? Who is going to rub my belly all day? Who is going to slip me 1/2 of their ham and cheese sandwich? Oh...woe is me!"

Here they are, reassuring the dog that they will be back soon for the whole belly rubbing, sandwich feeding routine. they are at the bus stop. Pretending that they don't know the crazy woman with the camera...who keeps taking their picture and kissing them.
My babies aer growing up. :( I need a nap.

Sunday, August 19, 2007


Last night...I pawned the boys off on my mother...the husband was out of town...and I was hoping for a big night of drinkin, dancin, laughin, and debauchery. What I got? Is no relation to that. I got a nap. From 7-830. At 9 I set out for a friends house...where I hoped the debauchery would begin. It has begun there on more than one occasion, so really, I wasn't dreaming. In this quest for fun, I stopped at Starbucks (please make this plural in your mind.) The first Starbucks was closed. What? At 9pm on a Saturday night? Where are all the yuppy folk supposed to gather? I had to trek across the bridge and 10 minutes out of the way...just for the delightful taste of the latte. So...I get to the PARTAAY...and realize rather quickly that it was indeed, NOT A PARTAAY. In fact, it included 3 girls under 10...who, I must say are adorable and sweet...and I loved playing mermaid with them...but when I get a night alone, I am not really looking to hang out with the under 10 scene. So, we are hanging out...and talking...and my friends boyfriend asks me if I realize how old I am. It might sound odd, but I had just finished saying that we should move to San Diego, because the Navy is there...and think of all the hot boys...What? They are hot. We began to disect this comment from him. First I had to point out that he had lied about his age in the beginning...and so, essentially, I had missed 3 of his birthdays in a mere 4 month time is that possible? But I let him go on, merely because he is funny. I am 30-something. I can't full on accept the actual something part. I wear cut offs and flip flops. I read Perez Hilton. I listen to Fergie. I don't drive a mini van. I can't be this old, right? I mean, my oldest is going to be you can deduce that I am ATLEAST 23...give or take...but 30 something? Jeesh. And you know what? I am rapidly approaching 30 something PLUS one. I am on the WRONG side of 30, that is for sure. I have 2 therapists. One for me, one that I share with my husband. I have a mortgage that only has 19 years left on it. I have a car payment that will exist after my last student loan payment. I have a 401K AND a pension. I can still get up in the morning AND poop without any assistance. I can't be that old, can I?
As I reflect on the last 30 some years...I realize that while you may not be what you are as old as you feel. And I feel? Like a nap.

Friday, August 17, 2007

The zoo and the Livestrong bracelet

What do the zoo and the Livestrong bracelet have in common? Oh. Nothing, really...but today I took the two boys to the zoo and while we were gone, the dog ATE a livestrong bracelet AND threw it back up. Now...we were gone for 6 hours...and yes...I get hungry too...but the difference is...I eat FOOD. The dog? Eats whatever he can get into his yap. How do you know he ate the bracelet? You ask? Well. Because, while normally, when he throws up, he cleans right up after himself...not so much the case with the bracelet. No siree. Vomit laced with bright yellow rubber. MMM...I thought about framing it and adding it to the curio, but I didn't.
The zoo? Is another story in and of itself. I lost the boys twice. Yes. Twice. Yeah. SO? Once was a complete accident...and they were right around the corner...the other time? They went to the bathroom and I sat on the bench. The bathroom wasn't where they thought it was...and they didn't come back! I mean, they DID come back...but not right away. It was fine. No foul. There were some interesting things to see at the zoo. Most of the pictures that I took of the animals are just of their bums. Yes. I don't know why...but I have elephant bum, zebra bum, ostrich bum, and random monkey bums. We rolled up the elephant area, and my oldest says "WOW! That is a BIG elephant." I looked...and said "Oh, baby, that is a ROCK." Yeah. That is the gifted one. There were also a lot of Japanese tourists there. Yes. At the zoo. In Pittsburgh? I did take a few pictures of random Japanese folks...just for fun. I also made the oldest pretend to throw the youngest into the piranha tank...then I told the youngest that it would eat I overheard him tell a younger kid..."don't stick your fingers in there, it will eat you." That poor little boy couldn't understand what he was saying...nor were we in any danger of him reaching the top of the tank to stick anything in, but in the little ones mind, tragedy was averted. I witnessed a funny scene at the sting ray tank. They have it set up so that kids can crawl under and stick their fingers in the water...yeah. whatever. Not my kids...but kid touched the stinger and SURPRISE! He got stung. So...when he was there with his mother...telling the zoo worker that he had been stung, he had to pull his finger OUT OF HIS NOSE in order to show the employee which finger had been stung. Yeah. If it doesn't hurt badly enough to keep out of your nose, then it doesn't hurt. Thank you.
We stayed at the zoo 5 minutes longer than we should of. And when I say this I mean that my patience LEFT 5 minutes before I did. I ended up kind of yelling at the boys "Why can't you just say THANK YOU for a great afternoon.?" Instead? They want to nickle and dime me in the souvenir stand. Do we need to spend $40 on a stuffed polar bear? OH HELL NO! $40? Gets my toes done, bitch. We didn't buy anything...and we made it home SAFE! I know. Shocker! No souvenir? AND Home without incident? The stars have aligned!!
Well, maybe not. I have to take them to football practice still!

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Overheard from the backseat.

So...yesterday...after spending 5 fucking hours at the football field, where the temperature was hovering in the 100's, instead of going swimming...I thought it would be a good idea to load the kids and the dog in the car...and go get ice cream. Yum. There is a place near here that had ice cream for you know...good fun for everyone?! Why I don't learn from these mistakes, I'll never know.
Our trip to get ice cream involves a stop at McDonalds because these kids have not really eaten much today. We are in the drive thru line...and Logan yells..."MOM! Pull over! Mickey (dog) has to go to the bathroom!!" Wondering when the dog started talking, I asked how Logan knew which he responded "There is a red thing coming out of his weiner." internal"Uhm, no, baby, I don't think the red thing coming out of his weiner means he has to pee." The much older, wiser son, starts making VOMIT noises. Me" What's wrong, Patch?" Older "You. Can't. Say. That." Me"Say what? Weiner?" Him (more vomit noises) "YES!" Logan"What does the red thing coming out of his weiner MEAN?" Patch (more vomit noises) Me"Ask your dad."
I LOVE that I have 2 boys. I cannot WAIT until puberty comes a knockin!