What do the zoo and the Livestrong bracelet have in common? Oh. Nothing, really...but today I took the two boys to the zoo and while we were gone, the dog ATE a livestrong bracelet AND threw it back up. Now...we were gone for 6 hours...and yes...I get hungry too...but the difference is...I eat FOOD. The dog? Eats whatever he can get into his yap. How do you know he ate the bracelet? You ask? Well. Because, while normally, when he throws up, he cleans right up after himself...not so much the case with the bracelet. No siree. Vomit laced with bright yellow rubber. MMM...I thought about framing it and adding it to the curio, but I didn't.
The zoo? Is another story in and of itself. I lost the boys twice. Yes. Twice. Yeah. SO? Once was a complete accident...and they were right around the corner...the other time? They went to the bathroom and I sat on the bench. The bathroom wasn't where they thought it was...and they didn't come back! I mean, they DID come back...but not right away. It was fine. No harm...no foul. There were some interesting things to see at the zoo. Most of the pictures that I took of the animals are just of their bums. Yes. I don't know why...but I have elephant bum, zebra bum, ostrich bum, and random monkey bums. We rolled up the elephant area, and my oldest says "WOW! That is a BIG elephant." I looked...and said "Oh, baby, that is a ROCK." Yeah. That is the gifted one. There were also a lot of Japanese tourists there. Yes. At the zoo. In Pittsburgh? I did take a few pictures of random Japanese folks...just for fun. I also made the oldest pretend to throw the youngest into the piranha tank...then I told the youngest that it would eat him...so...then I overheard him tell a younger kid..."don't stick your fingers in there, it will eat you." That poor little boy couldn't understand what he was saying...nor were we in any danger of him reaching the top of the tank to stick anything in, but in the little ones mind, tragedy was averted. I witnessed a funny scene at the sting ray tank. They have it set up so that kids can crawl under and stick their fingers in the water...yeah. whatever. Not my kids...but anyway...one kid touched the stinger and SURPRISE! He got stung. So...when he was there with his mother...telling the zoo worker that he had been stung, he had to pull his finger OUT OF HIS NOSE in order to show the employee which finger had been stung. Yeah. If it doesn't hurt badly enough to keep out of your nose, then it doesn't hurt. Thank you.
We stayed at the zoo 5 minutes longer than we should of. And when I say this I mean that my patience LEFT 5 minutes before I did. I ended up kind of yelling at the boys "Why can't you just say THANK YOU for a great afternoon.?" Instead? They want to nickle and dime me in the souvenir stand. Do we need to spend $40 on a stuffed polar bear? OH HELL NO! $40? Gets my toes done, bitch. We didn't buy anything...and we made it home SAFE! I know. Shocker! No souvenir? AND Home without incident? The stars have aligned!!
Well, maybe not. I have to take them to football practice still!