Saturday, July 10, 2010

slipping and falling...

I re-read a post a few down from here...where I ended with a date the next day. The guy turned out to be amazing. Amazing in so many ways. We dated only a short time...sadly, I admit. He had a smile that lit up a room. He had the cutest dimple. The kindest eyes. An adorable daughter. Many things to love. Which is what happened. And then it didn't go so well. I tried my best not not to fall. I held on to all that I could. But I kept slipping. He made it easy to slip. And then, when I fell...I really skinned my knees. I don't know for sure that he didn't feel the same. I only felt like he didn't. And that caused me to panic. I felt more uncomfortable than I wanted to. Past situations reared their ugly head...and I projected this on to our current situation...which isn't a situation any longer. I had issues with some of our differences...and I didn't think that these differences, coupled with my insecurities, could be dealt with. So. I ended things. Because I didn't want to get hurt. I didn't want to feel the pain of rejection, that I am so sure would have followed. I didn't want to snuggle with his sweet daughter for another second, lest I become anymore attached than I already was. As quickly as my walls came down, they went right back up.
I wish I could say I am sorry. I wish that I could talk to him and let him know...Maybe I will, but probably I won't.

1 comment:

Susan Patton said...

Life is short. Pick up the phone :)