Friday, November 10, 2006

Terror and the beauty products

I felt this deserved its own blog...It started taking over the "things that annoy me" blog...so I moved it. You'll thank me at some point.
The airport....it would seem that there is a new rule about not being able to look good when you reach your destination. Yes. The mean old security guy wanted to confiscate my ENTIRE morning routine. Does he think my hair is NATURALLY this beautiful? OH HELL NO. He starts pullin out shit and I was like "Uhm, excuse me, but what are you doing?" Yes. I did know that there had been a terror thing going on. Yes. I do support the crack down on terror. But lets look at this. You start taking my beauty products and you are going to WISH I were only a terrorist. Come on. AND. He wanted to take that shit I spent $82 on from the dermatologist. YEAH, I don't think so. Because my fucking ticket only cost me $75. If you think I am kicking over my shit you are CRAZY. And my Straight hair shit that I can only find at ULTA...and I HATE to go into ULTA. Crazy. I would be more likely to blow up a plane WITHOUT the beauty stuff than with it. And I bet now that I said "blow up a plane" I am officially on some government list that will prevent me from EVER travelling again without a rectal exam. Well. I say BRING IT. Because of all places on me I would think you want to go, my rectum IS NOT one of them.
Now. I know you are wondering...did she even GO on this trip? I mean. Shit. I was nearly without my hair and face. Well. Read on...I pulled my near psycho-self together and asked if I could check the bag? Turns out that is an option. So. My $82 face shit was able to make the trip. BUT. When I went to help the asshole repack my bag...I got YELLED at for putting my FEDEX envelope on the table and reaching over the "wall" EASY Charlie. I zipped that bitch and you are NEVER going to get it alone. But TRY if you must. And as for the supervisor who did the yelling. Please. It was a FEDEX envelope. Clearly, I am IMPORTANT. Well. The bag got zipped. I managed to get out of security without a fist fight...but and this is funny...the guy CARRIED my bag out along the wall until we were passed the secure part and I was able to be alone with my beauty products without being a threat to national security. Also. I had my boots in tow. Fuck that. You have to take them off to go thru security? Again. YES. I read about the shoe bomber. I get where they are coming from...but honestly, my FEET don't even fit in these shoes...you think I have room for any explosives? Yeah. The ones I couldn't fit in my moisturizer, I threw in my shoe. Well. Since I had to go check my bag...I wasn't putting the shoes on...then taking them back off again. Hell no. So. I paraded thru the airport with my bag of terror and my boots. Awesome.
It all worked. I arrived at my destination...beauty routine and all...Inspite of the mean people at the security check point who looked like they could do with a beauty routine upgrade. Maybe that is it. Not only are they fighting terrorism, but they are also fighting flawless skin and straight, shiny hair.
But I digress.

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