Thursday, May 03, 2007

BB GUNS and Starbucks.

So...McStarbucks and I have had some mcconversations...and admittedly, he was way more attractive when we were not speaking. Isn't that how it always is? Everything is hotter when it is a mystery. Like that hot guy that you are dying to have sex with? He seems so wonderful...and the first time you do it...WOW! The sparks...but then you wake up, smell his morning breath, observe the drool on his pillow, and realize FUCK. He is no different than anyone else. And almost immediately, you are looking for a way out and an excuse to not ever see him again. No. I didn't sleep with McStarbucks. He did TOUCH me though...but we were in Starbucks, and it was him touching my arm...Turns out I look like someone he knows. Is it wrong of me to want to know who is hotter, me or this look alike girl? I refrained from asking...but still...it plagues me. We'll see what happens.
Also...on the Starbucks front...last night I am walking the boys and the dog...clad in a pair of shorts, a tee, and flip flops...trying out a new "casual do" with my hair in little pig tails on the side in the back...cute...anyway...the dog is a whore when it comes to being petted. He stops for everyone who even a little bit looks like they want to rub his belly. So. He stops...and I look at the guy and his two adorable kids...and am like...hmmm...you look fami..liar...OMG! You work at Starbucks! Yes. The guy that lives around the corner from me works at the Starbucks. God. it is a small world. Wonder if he would be opposed to bringing me home SF/FF Vanilla Lattes? I will have to work on this...
So...after we walked the dog...the shorties and I went to sign up for Cub Scouts. OMFG. Seriously. I don't know much about this little cult...my brother was never a cub scout. My nephew is one, but I always wrote it off because he is such a dork...but now my kids want to join. Fuck. So. We go to sign up...and as we roll up...there are 2 GROWN UPS wearing the Cub Scout uniform. What? WHY? One is a man...and one is a woman. Quite frankly, it was all I could do to keep from laughing...and here they are...tempting my kids with juice boxes and Doritos....Honestly, I learned a lot about my kids...it will only take an abductor a bag of Doritos (cool ranch, please, lest they NOT have the stinkiest breath EVER) and a juice box...and my kids are history. They were little food hounds. Like they hadn't just polished off the McDonalds. Then this guy starts telling them tales of camping and shooting BB guns and bow and arrows! I probably have a little Jeffery Dahmer on my hands...so...this man, in his cub scout outfit...filling my kids bellies with food and their heads with bb gun stories...I am no match for this? And we HAVE to get out of here. I cannot stand here and listen to this woman spout on about the scouts...I start shouting out bribes of my own...We have to go boys...mommy has to go to CVS. Usually, CVS garners the same response every time..."Can I get something?" But this time? It was as though I hadn't even said anything. So...I say..."boys! We have to go...mommy has to go to CVS...you 2 can get something..." And like the little whores they are...their attention shifts from cubby mccub scout...to me! Fuck yeah...in your face cub scout guy! I gave birth to these kids. You and your bb gun stories...puhleeze. And off we went. I got the information to sign them up...but didn't exactly "sign them up" Do you think they will forget? Oh I hope so.

1 comment:

M said...

It's like Callie said on Grey's, when she banged McSteamy....you were so much hotter when you weren't talking. (I swear I love that line!) LOL
Aren't all kids and mutts attention whores?