Sunday, July 01, 2007

wetawds and swimming pools...

I am not sure where this is going to end...but it starts with how proud I am of my public school, educated children. As you know, school has recently ended...the boys are making their way through this summer to the best of their ability...getting as dirty as possible and then arguing with me at 9pm that they don't NEED a shower. Right. We have joined a local community pool, so this does help out in a pinch, where showers are concerned...this is a fact that I will deny if ever questioned about it...anyway...back to my bursting with pride moments...First...they all concern the little one..."Stinky" "the General" "Loganator" "the Yellow guy" whatever you want to call him, he is fine with that...he prefers "George" but that is another story...anyway...2 weeks or so ago, I was getting him ready for bed...no small accomplishment...and he says "Mom, I have something to tell you. It's bad." Really, this doesn't alarm me. He is prone to drama (where on earth does he get that?) So...he proceeds to tell me that he needs to whisper it in my ear...because it is "so bad." He then says, in my ear, but by no means a whisper..."This kid on the bus said 'suck my boss'" I look at him. I think for a second, giggle, and then say..."Do you think he might have said, 'suck my balls'?" To which he said "OH! YEAH! That is what he said." I know, you might just be thinking that MAYBE I should have told him that wasn't nice and not to repeat it...and I did do that...but I had to correct him, because you and I both know that he is going to use that again, and frankly, he needs to be correct about it. I can't have my kid telling someone to "suck my boss" and getting laughed at...
Todays episode of "things my kid will say" comes to us live poolside...where I am desperately trying to find someone to hang out with. I don't know too many of the women there...as it is not in our school district...yes. I am playing out of my league, but not too far...I can pull it off...anyway..."the General" has a small speech problem...his "R's" often sound more like "W's" so today...he says..."Mom, a kid on the playground called someone a 'wetawd'" Oh. The word 'wetawd' made me giggle until pee threatened to come out...the thing with the speech issue is that he doesn't realize he does it, so when I repeated it just like he said it, he corrected me. God I love that kid. I did tell him that the word retard wasn't nice...but when he asked what it meant, I was at a loss for words. I simply said it meant "different." To which he said..."well the kid was acting different..." Well, then clearly the boy who called him a retard was right on the mark.
Back to the pool issue. The pool is a pool. The women go all ages...but there seemed to be a run on the "swim skirt" and it's ugly cousin "swim dress." If you are one of the swim evening gown wearers, I am not talking about you...of course not...it is just THESE women! Anyway...all I am looking for at this place is a woman I can be friends with and sit and make snarky comments to about all of the other women at the pool. I had so many funny things to say...I thought my head would explode. Like how it is NEVER flattering to lay on your side at the pool, EVER. How no matter how cute it looks on an 8 year old, a ruffled skirt does not flatter a grown woman. Shame, really, on the company that made such a thing. The weekends are great for "dad sightings" Dad, who spend all winter and most of the weekdays drinking beer and eating poorly...who then feel that it is their god given right to unleash that huge white belly on the world. I like at the end of the day, how that huge white belly turns a cute shade of pink. Also, dad? if your breasts are bigger than your 15 year olds? How about keeping them covered? Thanks. Another tip for the dads? Why do you think black socks are sexy? Have you not heard all the jokes about them? If they are the ONLY thing in your drawer? You can spend the afternoon at Target fixing that situation...we'll see you next week, I promise we'll be there!
There were quite a few funny things going on at the pool...the woman in the black bathing suit who was wearing the gold chain and gold hoop earrings...the dad in the print shorts who hiked them up to cover the belly...he fooled NO ONE...
Anyway...if you are in the area and want to hang out with me every Saturday and Sunday...promise that you will make fun of people with me and that nothing is off limits...I will be glad to take you with me!!

1 comment:

M said...

OMG we would die from laughter if we were at the same pool! I couldn't find anyone to share my sarcastic comments with either, so would sit and laugh hysterically by myself. John thought I needed to be committed!