Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Holiday Spirit...and fist fights...

ok. today might not be a testimony to my mental stability. I had to go to Best Buy on my lunch hour to pick up the IPod for the kid who didn't want the dog. I get there...and mind you, it had not been the best morning to begin with...actually, it all started last night...(cue the scooby doo dream scene...) You see...we got the pooch on Saturday and everything was great and fine. It was even mildly amusing that he didn't "do"steps. "hee hee...the dog is just as lazy as you are..." "ha ha...you are carrying our 50lb dog up the steps." and so it went...but last night, said dog would NOT go down the steps to go into his crate for beddy by. So. After my husband suggested I carry the crate upstairs...(it is such a good thing that he is not a mind reader...) (he works midnights...)I opted to sleep on the couch...with the dog. So. I get him up this morning, walk him...he diddles and doodles...and I get a shower...well. we are late, OF COURSE...and I take the pooch out for a walk and then attempt to put him in the crate. Why I thought that he would somehow go down the steps, is beyond me. Brakes are on...dog is going NO WHERE. So. Weighing my options...dog shitting on the carpet or hearing my father in law say "I told you so"...I went for dog shit on the carpet...and left him in the livingroom...knowing that my husband would be home at some point...well...we get to the road we usually take to get to the in laws...and it is blocked by 2 big dump trucks. What the fuck? Could someone have mentioned this to me? So. We are already late. Now we are just getting later. I take the other way to the inlaws...which sets us back a few minutes...and in the morning, minutes are precious. We get there...of course, the little one doesn't have a belt on...natch...why would things go well? At this point, he could go to school in his underwear...I was LATE. After a performance that would make Denny Hamlin (yes...lame fedex reference...) proud...I made it to work at 8:01. Yes. The Saturn does do 85 mph. I would have thought the doors would fly off, but they didn't.
Oh. so back to the fist fight...clearly, my nerves are shot...I mean, the way the morning started...so. I go to Best Buy...and am in the parking lot and this JACK ASS is sitting in the middle of the road, with his turn signal on...so..fine, I am NOT going to take your space, but at the same time, I can't go around you because you are parked in the middle of the driving part. So, I get around them. Park and walk to the store, while they are still waiting to park. I don't understand that. You would rather SIT in the car than park 2 spots further away and get in and get out? Naturally, I have to make arm motions at them...one of them might have been a finger gesture...MIGHT HAVE BEEN. And there was some lip reading to be done. Anyway...when I walked by them...I stopped, looked at them, and gave them the "thumbs up" sign...as if to say...hey jackass...glad you are still waiting...I will be done and back to work before you get in the spot...so. I get into the store and they come in...and I hear the wife say "She is still on the cell phone..." OH. NO YOU DIDN'T. I was on the cell phone on hold waiting for effin toys r us to pick up so I could ask them if they had the baby alive doll...so that my friends daughter, whos parents are about to get divorced could have some happiness in her life, and you are going to give me shit about it? So, I close the phone and say "Way to FUCK up the parking lot, asshole." In appropriate? Maybe. But it did feel good. You big fat turtleneck (not sweater, just turtleneck) wearer...Way to accentuate the positive. So...That was my trip to the retail hell on my lunch. Oh. Then I went to Burger King. WRONG. BIG MISTAKE. Why do they not post a big sign outside of Burger King that says..."yes. Our food smells delicious, but our employees are RETARDED." But I digress.

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