So, my therapist is on vacation this week, more than likely on my dime...but I was looking for a little outlet for my anxiety, if you will. So. I took the show that is my life, on the road. Yep. All the way to Target. Daring? Maybe. Stupid? Undoubtedly. Actually, it wasn't that bad.
I can rarely, if ever, leave Target having spent under $80. I have no idea why, I could be buying 2 packs of gum and some dental floss, and still the total would be $80. It just works out that way, and I accept it. What ever.
So today, I am sans kids/husband/distraction and it is just me. Strolling the aisles of Target in search of something that I had to have, but didn't need. I didn't know what I was looking for...except a book...I have been looking for A Thousand Dollars for a Kiss...and it seems to be sold out...so continuing my stroll...I come across something rather alarming. A 6 pack of KY Jelly. Yeah. You read that right. A 6 Pack. Of KY Jelly. I don't get it either. It isn't like KY Jelly is ACTUAL JELLY that you put on your toast. It is something that you use...for...well...you know. Sex...and stuff. So. I am kind of perplexed as to why the variety? I couldn't get too close to it, lest I be labeled as someone who would NEED KY Jelly...and you know, there is probably nothing wrong with that, but still. I don't know. Whatever. So, I wrapped up my therapy...er...Target time and hurried home to google KY Jelly...I HAD to know. Ok. So. It turns out that it is actually KY "Touch Massage." http://www.ky.com/gift-products/index.html In case you don't believe me, you can check it here. Anyway...it just got my shit thinking about all kinda crazy things...and how I would almost, ALMOST, like to work somewhere that people had to buy condoms and shit like that from me...I am pretty sure I would get fired for fucking with someone...but still...i know it would be worth it.
And, in case you were wondering...contents of Target bags: 4 assorted red throw pillows for livingroom (trying the red/sage look that is hot these days...) an address book (don't ask) a dog lead (it is getting too cold for this bitch to stand outside while Mickey takes his good old time taking a shit.) a book (meg Cabot A Size 14 Isn't Fat Either) a pair of knit type slipper things (that look so cute and stylish and will be ok to wear out to put the dog on the new lead) a lamp base (because the dog and cat broke the one that previously resided on my dresser...)and surprisingly, I spent $70.66. That was after the $5 gift card was applied. (side note, I got the gift card from a purchase that I made before Christmas, and was GOING to regift it to the bus driver, but didn't...good thing, because the girl said 'oh you must have purchased blah blah blah to get this.' Imagine if I had regifted it and she would have said that to the bus driver? My kids would be last to be saved in an accident, first to be pushed off, and not crossed carefully!) So for once in I can't tell you how long, I got out of Target spending LESS than $80. It was a good day...so I promptly stopped and got a Starbucks on the way home...love the bucks.
So...that was my Target shopping experience...I came home to find that my husband had invited our sons friend over...the kid that I CANNOT tolerate for more than about 5 seconds. So. Basically all of my hard work was undone in 5 seconds. Awesome. Good think I made the Starbucks stop...otherwise I probably would have killed atleast ONE if not BOTH my son and his friend...maybe the dog and certainly the CAT. I spare my husband, because he would still bail my crazy ass out of the slammer. Why just today, he said..."honey, your ass looks great in those jeans." As long as we have romance, what more can I ask for?