Wednesday, March 05, 2008

couple a things...

  1. If we are driving FORWARD...and you, lady in the big white SUV in front of me, decide that forward isn't working out for you and you suddenly stick it in reverse...DO NOT get bent when I flip you off and beep the horn. Just because YOU want to go backwards, does not mean I want to, as well.
  2. If you have a tendency to fall down and get bruised on your legs/thighs, it is probably NOT a good idea to wear your micro mini with the fuck me boots and no stockings. To work.
  3. If you WANT to wear your big furry blue boots because it is snowing out, I get that. However, I don't get why you don't immediately change out of them. You have to know how ree-dick you look.
  4. If you want to smell like a stripper, fine by me. If you feel the need to freshen up that ever fresh stripper smell in the bathroom while I pee, that is NOT fine by me. So you know...perfume at walmart is NOT a deal.
  5. If you want to argue with your husband/boyfriend/paperboy, that is also fine by me. If you do it while I am seated in the cube next to you, don't get mad at me because I laugh when you become enraged that he won't pick the damn dog up at the vet. Even if it IS his dog, it is still funny. (this one you might have to trust me on...)
  6. One 7 yr old + a Yosemite Sam video + 2 plastic pistols = a scratched cornea for me. (full contact parenting is something I subscribe to)
  7. A scratched cornea = a trip to see Dr. Hottie, the eye doctor. I know I joked about sticking a fork in my eye, but never did I dream of sticking a plastic pistol in my eye. Who knew?
  8. A scratched cornea hurts like a mother fucker.
  9. Add a cold and you have one unpleasant bitch.


~Tori said...

my lawd child... simma down!

Melissa said...

LOL I needed this today. Are your ovaries throbbing?