I have been doing some boo-hooing lately. You know...random health issues that make me realize I might not be invincible. First it was the "OMG you have a hernia...no wait we're taking your colon" and then it was the "I know you love the eye doctor, here is a corneal ulcer." Throw in a "coughing so much your abs hurt" cold...and last but not least "We know there are abnormal cells on your cervix, but we are going to use a knitting needle and rake to take more samples" trip to the gynecologist.
Please. I could drown in the pool of tears I am crying over all of this. Poor Poor me. In fact, I have said "can a girl get a break" in the most ghetto tone I can muster. I mean, an eye infection and a colon-ectomy and cough/cold AND an abnormal pap? The world might end.
None of it is life threatening. None of it. But all of it is bringing me down. I am still sleepy from the colon surgery. (wait. Maybe I am just lazy.) I can't shake the cold. Or the eye thing. (shout out to dr. cutie!) and the abnormal pap was just the cherry on top.
So...yesterday at my shrink appt. I was telling her all about it. And I can identify why the colposcopy freaked me out. I was on the table and the dr was talking about an outpatient surgery that he wanted to do in order to remove the cells. I kept thinking "he is saying minor surgery. he is saying outpatient. But they said very similar when I went in for an alleged hernia and came out 12 inches of colon and an appendix lighter." So my freak out was kinda normal...or at least understandable. But my woe is me...Eeyore attitude needed to go. And...my shrink kinda told me that.
She started telling me a story about how sad her father was when he found out he had bladder cancer. I felt bad for feeling bad for myself, when obviously, her dad was worse off than I was...but she was going somewhere...she basically said that her sister, after a week of him being sad and woe is me-esque, told him that everyone dies from something. And fuck if she isn't right. Everyone dies of something. So...rather than sit around, waiting for something to kill me...maybe I should stop feeling sorry for myself, feel grateful that nothing that is wrong with me is life threatening, and get on with things.
You know, cause something is gonna getcha.