Monday, August 04, 2008

OOPs I did it again...

I have been absent from here...but maybe you have noticed.
I have a lot on my mind...and instead of getting easier, it seems to just be getting harder. I try to think about it...and it overwhelms me and I just stop.
How can I be sure that I am making the right decision?
How can I be sure that this is the best for everyone? Especially when one of the boys says "When is Daddy coming home?"
I feel like my life has been one bad decision after another as of lately...and when I turn and look, I don't seem to have a scrap of dignity left. Each bad decision seems to have a consequence worse than the one many more, before I lose everything?
I look at my life 6 months ago...and I don't even recognize it, compared to the mess that it is today. Yes. I have people who love me. Yes. I have my health. Yes. I have my family. Yes. I have those two very sweet little boys. And, I suppose, in the over all scheme of things, that is enough...
I look at Little and when he starts to cry because I am not the one taking him to football practice, I cry too. I cry when he asks why Daddy isn't coming home. It doesn't make sense to me, so how can I explain it to him?
I need to know that I did the right thing. In my heart. I need to know that.
I need to find the strength to be independent. I need to know when to say no and not make decisions that are not 100% the right thing to do.
I need to take inventory of my life and figure out what is going to stay and what is going to go.
Keep something crossed that I make the right decisions...

1 comment:

~Tori said...

ugh... girl.. i love you... i really hope things ease up... let's talk soon