At work we have a pretzel container...full of pretzels ( I know, right?) We seem to take turns buying the pretzels...I say seem to, because frankly, I just thought that the pretzel fairy brought them when I was sleeping. I was mistaken. So, yesterday...after having to stick my hand way too far into the barrel, I decided to buy the next round. The dilemma is that the pretzels come from Costco. You need to "belong" to Costco. I don't "belong" anywhere. This normally isn't a problem, many friends and co workers belong...and I just go along with them when I need something. Yesterday, no one was up for a random Costco trip. I ended up borrowing my cousin Aimee's card. Aimee and I don't look alike. Who knew that would be a big deal! So...I go...browse the aisles of Costco...wishing I had a disposable income large enough to afford the $1500 leather 3 piece recliner...and plucking the pretzels from the shelf. I have 2 large pretzel barrels, one under each arm...and I am off to check out. I am nervous, what with the illegal card and all. But she rings it up and things are almost done...I even make small talk with the lady working with her. Pretzels are paid for...I am so close to being done...and then the cashier turns the card over. BUSTED. She looks at the picture. She looks at me. Picture. Me. Now, to be fair, my cousin doesn't even look like this picture any more, but I look NOTHING like it. Her? Curly hair. Me? Not so much. The cashier, what a nice lady she was, says "Is this your card?" Well. We both know it isn't. But really, all that I needed to say was "yes" and I could have been home free. But what ensues is really, the height of my retardedness.
Her: "Is this your card?"
Me: hangs head "no"
Her: Looks to other lady, as if to say "WTF? Couldn't she lie, so we can let her go? What an asshole."
Me: "I mean, YES! YES! That is my card."
Other lady: "The card is non-transferable." hands me the card.
What a dumb ass I am. And, when did I become so honest? It pains me to think that there might be more of this in the future.