Sunday, November 04, 2007


Well. If any of you had 3 days...on the whole "how long will she do this before she screws the pooch?" You are a WINNER! Yep. blog. I have tons of excuses...First, it is hard to blog when you are sleeping...which is what I was doing for most of the is hard to blog when your kids are obsessed with all things webkinz and the computer table is up to its ass in Halloween candy and webkinz. I won't even get into that at this juncture. is even harder to blog when you are out getting all tuned I failed. I am sure I am in good company...but still. I will try to make it up maybe posting twice? How about 3 times? Will that help?

Right now...I would like to take you back to last night, if I could...I'll set the scene. My friend Lori is turning 36. We go out for a few beers. It'll be fun...we go...there are beers...and laughter...and conversations from the boys about shaving their balls. Really? It doesn't even seem to take that much beer to bring those conversations out. Meanwhile...drinking and laughing and all things fun...leads us to the local Eagles club. Admittedly, I have never been to one, after dark. Turns out, those Eagles? Know how to throw it down. There was a band. Ok. A country band...but that brought out all things funny. I LOVE to make fun of people, I mean, that is just what I imagine my delight to discover this whole underworld of people there...that just lent themselves to being made fun of. There was the table of women, who I only hope had just returned from a wedding reception...complete with updos. There was the woman with more mascara/eyeliner, than is legally allowed in this county. There were dresses. And fun...but I think the funniest part of the night, was when my drunken stupor, attempted to buy the first round...only to find out that...they don't take credit cards there at the Eagles. I had $3.79 in my purse. Not quite enough for a round of drinks...even at the Eagles!
We rolled the party over to the local I don't know what. It was about that time that I decided I was long past my bed time...and nothing good was going to come out of the rest of the night. I had to pee...and as I am perched a mile above the toilet...I notice a nice little blurb written on the wall...about someone who has Hep C...apparently...Hep C is the new crabs? I don't know. I washed my hands with antiseptic wipes I had in my purse...I gave some serious consideration to wiping with them...but figured that would sting, just a tad. And, I wasn't certain that antiseptic wipes would help me in the quest to remain Hep C negative.
Not to worry...I got home...had a delightful conversation with my husband...and by delightful, I totally mean NOT DELIGHTFUL in the least. It went something like this....he said something to hurt me, I returned the favor. It was a lovely game of verbal volleyball. Then...just as the clock set itself back an hour...the vomiting began! Yes! Of course, I was the only one up for it! Yes...somehow, he can manage to hear me SNEAK in...but can sleep through our youngest vomiting? Amazing, to say the least. Not to worry, though...even though I had no help from my husband...the dog did his part...Yep. He was more than willing to EAT as much vomit as he could lay his snout on. Fuck the Atkins diet. All you need to lose weight is to over feed your son Halloween candy and Totinos pizza rolls...and let him projectile vomit all over your bathroom...while you struggle with a case of "too much beer..." Add Dog and you have yourself a new diet. How did I know it was Totinos pizza rolls? Oh. Because he said...It sure does smell like pizza rolls! Yep. I couldn't place the smell...but now I can...and can also assure you that we won't be having pizza rolls again.
Anyway...That brings me up to speed for the day...I'll be back to see how you are feeling in a little while!

1 comment:

Melissa said...

Ok, I just threw up in my mouth a lil. Nasty!