A slackers Thanksgiving list

I know that today is Sunday...a full 3 days since the actual Thanksgiving day...but I have been giving a lot of thought to things that I am thankful for this year.
Naturally, I am thankful for my family...all of them...even Gram, who pinched my butt and asked if I were gaining weight. (she is 88, I didn't hit her.)I'm thankful for my boys, who, just like me, believe that Thanksgiving is the new Christmas and that family members are magical, and heroic, and are placed on a pedestal, where they belong. I am thankful that they have the opportunity to know their cousins.
I am thankful that said cousins shared their new baby with me. I am pretty sure I hogged him the whole time, but I fell in love. And that love made a difficult week much easier than I thought it would be. Next time I get to see him, he will be walking and talking, and the snugglefest will be long forgotten, but somehow, I think I will remember it for a long time.
I am also thankful that we were all able to be together. All of us. Even the more difficult ones. I am thankful that my parents have their health and were able to host this again. I am thankful that my 88 year old gram did pinch my butt and ask about my weight. I am thankful that she is here and is able to do it! I also know that it means she loves me.
I am thankful for the other, more routine things...like my job. I stress about it and I may or may not still have it next year at this time, but I am thankful for it right now. I am also thankful for my friends. This year has been a trying time for me. I have done something that I never thought I would or could do. I know that each of my friends brings something that I need into my life. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for one friend, in particular...singling her out isn't a bad thing, I know she doesn't read this...but she has been a source of strength for me. A sounding board. A critic. A cheerleader. An ego booster. An advisor. A comedian. A shoulder to cry on. A nurse. And much more...sometimes all at once. So, I am very thankful for her...while I hope never to see her in a position where she needs the favor returned, I can only hope to be able to help her the way she has helped me.

So...all in all...I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a job, a wonderful family, great friends, a warm house, and food on the table. It would be wrong to ask for much more.

Happy Turkey day!

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My favorite Christmas song...admittedly, I like the Perry Como version better, but damn youtube didn't have it!

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving...I didn't have to look very far, to find things that I am thankful for. I am counting my blessings...

the countdown begins

Make no mistake...I love my birthday...LOVE IT! It is an entire week of MEMEMEME! I don't have to share or be nice or anything...and I do that so well, so any chance to show that off is welcomed!
However, usually, the birthday extravaganza kicks off the holiday season! Yes, some would argue that Thanksgiving does that...but whatever...it goes birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year! Birthday is a big one, second ONLY to Thanksgiving...
Thanksgiving, for as long as I can remember, has been the best that every single holiday has to offer. We celebrate it with my mom's side of the family...and while my mom does the martyr thing, and my dad self combusts, the rest of us have a grand old time. Many a family mystery has been solved over pie or hot dogs! The lamp? The disappearing beer? solved. solved.
This year will be different. This is the first year of separation holidays. The Dad will be missing. He has missed before, while serving in Iraq...but certainly, that is a different kind of thing.
I can't help but feel that instead of being excited for the holiday...I am anxious. And sad. And a million other things. I feel like this is a downward spiral clear through til New Years! And, I am not that excited for it!
We have split the holidays in a fair and agreeable fashion...but I might be stepping up my game with the therapist for a little bit!
Let's hope I am wrong. I was wrong about my bday...I thought I would be sad and disappointed, and I was a little sad, but not disappointed!
However, I broke a mirror last night...so the odds are not in my favor!

Wish me luck, the festivities start a week from today! (I will kick the day off with a trip to the shrink...) The arrival of cousins and family is anticipated by everyone...(HI B...we can't wait to meet G!!) I'll post pictures!

It's a GIRL!!

Isn't she lovely? Isn't she wonderful??

Well...we scrapped the Britney Spears look for more of a Paris Hilton kind of thing...he had a little stuffed dog in the purse and just stood around saying "that's hot" all night. It was so funny...for 11, he has a lot of self confidence...and a great sense of humor!!

Hot dog, hold the bun

Tonight, I found myself in a situation that I never thought I would be in. I was shopping for a dress for my child! Now, you know that I only have boys...so what the heck?
It's Halloween! Don't worry...they are going trick or treating as very manly men. Little is going to be a goth/zombie/Frankenstein guy and Big is going to be an army man. Both very testosterone laden and masculine. However, Big was once again, invited to the party of the year! Honestly, this girl goes all out for her birthday party. I would LOVE to do this! This year, the theme is "red carpet bash" and you are supposed to come as your favorite celeb. Big at first wanted to be Clint Eastwood or some shit like that...and I was all...No baby! Why don't we bust out the wig from last year and you can goes as Britney! Hell to the yeah! It really took about a second for him to come on board that train! So...that is how I ended up shopping for dresses, no, GOWNS...for my son!

This took us to the local goodwill. Now, please don't get me wrong. I have shopped at the goodwill. I take my crap there...and I bring other peoples crap home...and so I know, there are good Goodwill's, and there are not so good ones. This one? NOT SO GOOD. You could guess that from the smell. At least that is how I can tell. This one stunk...and there was just crap all over. I didn't think we were going to find anything...until Little spots the wedding section! It was like the 1990's threw up all over the back of the store. I swear I saw a gown just like the one I wore back on that fateful day, 14 years ago. I mean, it was white. Puffy sleeves, lace, and sequins. Put it together and you have a wedding gown from the 90's. Anyway...we were browsing the selection...I was trying to keep the giggle brothers out of the way...and I found the dress. It is plum velvet. Long. High slit. Perfect for the party...and at 14.99, a real steal. We had to tackle the issue of trying that on. Both dressing rooms were occupied by women who reminded me of myself at Macy's on a good sale day. They were getting down to business. So...he takes his coat off and I try the dress on right there in the store. Good move. And Bad move. It was tight, but over a pair of Levi's and a sweatshirt, I figured we were good. Off we go to pay. The cashier looks at me and says, "you know this is 14.99, right?" I did. But apparently, people don't have that kind of jingle to toss around? Because he looked at me like I was nuts...Uhm...14.99 is probably a good 50$ less than what a dress would set me back at the Halloween store...anyway...
We get home and Big goes to try it on for realz. Uhm. Here is where the problem comes in. He has a wiener. It is obvious in a dress. REAL obvious. I mean, my kid is 11, but still...it is obvious that something isn't right in Britney-ville. So...this is where my dilemma comes in. What do I do with the wiener? I pose this question to my mother. She apparently was laughing too hard and my dad had to respond. My friend Scott said he didn't know anything about hiding a wiener...weren't boys supposed to show them off? (I am dealing with him later.) So...I ask you...where does it go? Scott did mention tighty whiteys. I have no idea if that will solve the problem or not. I know when I am trying to hold things in, I wear a control top hose. Perhaps?
The good news is, he has the cutest little butt in this dress!
Pictures on Saturday, I promise!

I'm gonna turn this blog around

For the last few months doom and gloom have taken hold. Admittedly, things are not roses and sunshine...but one thing that I have really lost touch with, has been my sense of humor. Let's face it...when that goes, really, why bother getting out of bed?
So...I am going to embrace the sarcasm and apply it to my daily life once again. I am going to revel in the fact that just when I think I am 5 minutes early, the dog escapes and I am 10 minutes late...I am going to blog about the funny, disaster that is my life...so...put on your big girl pants and let's go!
B...if you read this, I need you to pinky swear that you are not going to discuss anything at Thanksgiving dinner. If you have read past that, I am taking that as your pinky promise.
I'm going to make some changes...and hopefully get back...back in the New York Groove...(who doesn't love Ace Frehley?)

 

So...last night, I met some friends for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory.
These were not ordinary friends, these were sorority sisters...some that I haven't seen in 15 years.
Naturally, I was nervous. I am just coming out of a failed marriage. I am sad a lot. So, I was afraid that I would be the only one there who was in a bad situation.
It was such a nice surprise to go with these ladies and not have it be a "look at me" show. Everyone was so nice and so sweet...it was just nice to be there.
I am relying on my friends a lot more than I thought...and I am finding these friends in the strangest of places. People that I felt certain I would be able to count on for anything, let me down. People that I would never have suspected, are doing more than their part. It makes me feel good, in a way that I haven't felt in a long time. I hope that the friendships that were rekindled last night, continue to grow and build on what we have in common, as well as how much we have changed. I guess I'll keep you posted!

Too Cool for SCHOOL!

 

Here we are...all ready for the first day!
God are they cute!

Dream a little dream of me...

I have been really doing a lot of thinking lately...well...that and cruising facebook for pictures of me in 1989...but whatever...
A recent series of events has left me wondering if I will ever truly know happiness. If I will ever be able to find it on my own, you know, without a roadmap and some serious directions...
I recognize that things are not how I would like them to be...and I seem content to just sit and wallow in self pity, rather than pull myself up and out of this funk. Financially, this separation was the worst thing that I have ever done. The good folks at all of the major utilities are being kind...but I know that they need their $$ soon, or we won't have to worry that the gas is off, because we won't be able to see anyway! I have applied and gotten a part time job, but I can't start until the 19th, and really, it is only 10 hours/week...not exactly big bank. I can't really afford to file for divorce...because if I do, I will owe him money. So. While that goes a long way to prove my point in this whole separation...it doesn't help me put gas in the car or food on the table!
Emotionally, I have learned that I am co-dependant. An outside observer pointed this out to me. She did it in a very loving, kind way...and Eureeka! It's true! It sucks. Because I ended up glomming on to someone that I wouldn't necessarily have glommed onto, had I been in a different situation. I allowed myself to be fooled by early behavior...and I can't seem to get over it. I basically allowed someone to shit on me...and then kick me while I lay there. The sad part is, I feel like I would roll over, so they could do it again. Where did my self worth go? What am I teaching my kids? I burst into tears randomly. And, while I would never really physically harm myself, it is something that I have contemplated on way more than one occasion. Don't worry...I have a therapist...she is aware...
I guess I just don't see an end in sight to any of this...I left my husband, I can't afford to live like this, I entered into an unhealthy relationship that instead of removing myself from, I was thrown out of...
I know that I have my health. I have my family. I have my job. And I thank God every day for these things...I just wish that for a few minutes, I could catch a break.

A girl can dream...

The meme...which I don't understand what that meme's (hahaha)

THIS IS ME:
Eye Color: Hazel
Hair Color: light golden brown with caramel highlights
--Dyed or Natural: yeah. dyed. Naturally would probably be salt n' peppa
--Curly or Straight: crazy curly...but I straighten it everyday...
Right- or Left-handed: right
Tan or Pale: I am fair skinned...ok...pale.
Jeans or Khakis: yoga pants
Country, Rap, or Rock: really? one or the other? No. How about rock/country/rap in that order?
Car: the Saturn
Place in order of preference--T.V., book, movie, music: book, music, movie, tv
Your heritage: I am proud to be a mutt!
Shoes you're wearing today: bare feet
Your weakness(es): a nice smelling man, babies, pizza
Your perfect pizza: pepperoni from Frank's...or plain cheese from anywhere else.
Favorite color: black
Favorite place: the beach on Marco Island. It is paradise...for sure.
Goal you'd like to achieve: be happy with myself.
Your most overused phrase(s): Dudes! I don't think I have any, yo.
Your thoughts first waking up: I'm going back to sleep!
Your best physical feature(s): my smile
Your bedtime: usually 1030 or 11.
Your most missed memory: would have to be growing up...as kids we would spend a few weeks with my grandparents at their country house (sounds way more impressive than it is.) They had running water from a spring, but it was only cold. We heated water over the stove to wash dishes and faces. All 4 cousins slept together in the same bed. We spent all day playing and fishing and picking berries and being kids. Dinner was often cooked over the fire that we would roast marshmallows over later that night. Someone always stopped over...a neighbor, a relative. It was such a peaceful time. After my grandparents died, my dad and my aunt ended up selling the house, as it was in desperate need of updates. The people bought it and burned it down. I can't bring myself to drive past there today.
Pepsi or Coke: Diet Pepsi
McDonald's or Burger King: nothing with a drive thru, please.
Single or group dates: Does this mean do I want to go out with a group of men or just one at a time? Either way, GROUP! hee hee
Adidas or Nike: Nike for shoes, Adidas for clothes.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: diet Lipton with lemon
Chocolate or vanilla: swirl them together!
Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee...or skinny vanilla latte!

DO YOU:
Smoke: No.
Cuss: like a sailor.
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend: I have several girlfriends...but not in the Cherry Chapstick way...
Take a shower: yes...sometimes twice a day
Have a crush(es): yeah. Hello? Michael Phelps!
Think you've been in love: I think I have covered that base.
Want to get married: again? the jury is out.
Believe in yourself: learning to...
Believe in God: yes
Believe in your government: I don't know how I feel about this, so I will go on to the next one.
Get motion sickness: yes! Don't make me read while riding or I will puke in your car.
Think you're attractive: I won't break your mirror, but I won't be on the cover of Vogue any time soon, either
Think you're a health freak: No...just a regular freak
Get along with your parents: usually
Like thunderstorms: Not really, no.

IN THE PAST MONTH, HAVE YOU:
Drank alcohol: yes
Gone on a date: yes
Gone to the mall: yes
Been on stage: no
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No. Not even half a box!
Eaten sushi: no
Been dumped: no
Gone skating: no
Gone skinny dipping: no
Stolen anything: no, I don't think that I have!

HAVE YOU EVER:
Played a game that required removal of clothing: yes
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes
Been caught "doing something": by my college roommates.
Been called a tease: I don't think so...not to my face.
Gotten beaten up: no
Age you hope to be married: hmmm...
Number of children you'd like: I've got two...and I am cool with that.
Describe your dream wedding: One that the marriage doesn't end in divorce.

WHAT YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX:
Best eye color?: don't care
Best hair color?: don't care
Short or long hair: Short.
Best first date location: Cleveland
Best first kiss location: in a tree house

IN THE NUMBERS:
Number of people I could trust with my life: 3 or 4
Number of CD's: no idea
Number of piercings: my ears are pierced...
Number of tattoos: two
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Not very many
Number of scars on my body: A lot

Tell me, tell me, tell me the answer...

50 Bonus points if you can tell me the song that line comes from...without GOOGLE!

so...my homework for the therapist is to figure out what is best for ME.
Christ on a cracker...why not just ask me to solve the worlds energy problems...or finish the NYTimes crossword puzzle or something a tad bit easier.
You see...my dilemma is this...do I file for divorce and be able to get on with my life in a normal manner? or do I continue to ride the separation bus until it comes to a crashing end?
Sit and ponder for a minute, then let me know.

K...so I am guessing an hour has passed and you are no closer to an answer than I am. I wouldn't mind if you would just tell me what to do...and then, incidentally, if what I should do includes getting a divorce, then please also pass the bar exam quick, so you can do the divorce for free...mkay?

Getting a divorce will break me, financially. I am convinced of this.
Staying married because of that will break me emotionally. I am convinced of this, too.

The only difference that I can see is that if I go for broke financially, creditors and collectors will come a calling.
If I go for broke emotionally, I don't think anyone will notice the difference.

I need someone to tell me what to do...yet I don't want anyone to.
I have always believed that as long as I made decisions based only on what I thought...no matter how it ended, I could know that I was the only one to blame. Currently, I am willing to suspend that logic in exchange for some solid advice.

This is where I solicit you!

March 1, 1964 - August 1, 2008

I wonder if you know how much I looked up to you when we were younger?
I wonder if you know how much your smile and your laughter were contagious?
I wonder if you know how I noticed that you always did the right thing, even when doing so was the hardest thing you had to do?
I wonder...and I will never know the answer...
It has probably been 5 years since the last time we talked...you told me about your wife and your daughters and your job...and how proud you were of all of those things. We laughed about old times. We laughed about people that we used to know. People who had fallen out of our lives...like we had fallen out of each others...my call was just a small attempt to keep in touch. I should have made more of an effort.
I always always always talk think about you when the Chicago song "25 or 6 to 4" comes on...I can remember you telling me about how that song came about. I can still tell the story...and I do! I don't know if it is the truth or not...because you were pretty darn believable...but I tell it like it is gospel.
I remember you had that blue convertible...your baby...and you took such care of it. I remember you taking me for a ride one day...I was maybe 17 at the time...and the typical 17 year old problems weighed heavily on my mind...and you put the top down...turned up the radio...and we drove...and the wind carried my problems away...
I remember you and Junior coming over to my house after work...my parents loved you, Joe...honestly, I could have probably killed a man and as long as you said it was ok, it would have been ok with my parents. And we would sit and watch tv and goof off.
You gave me my first real job. And then you gave me my second job. You sent me flowers on my birthday when I was away at school. I can still see the bouquet. You made me laugh. You dried my tears.
I am sorry that we drifted apart. I am sorry, because I know that you were the kind of person that everyone should have in their life.
Did you know that about a month or so ago, I tried to find you and your phone number? I took the boys to Florida and we were going to be spending a day in Ft. Lauderdale. I knew you lived there...so I wanted to try to meet up. I couldn't come up with a good phone number...and then planning the trip got in the way...so I figured that I would catch you the next time.
I wish there was a next time.
I'm sorry Joe. I am sorry that I didn't get that chance...I am sorry that my boys didn't get to meet the guy who told the story about the silly song that mommy sings on the radio. I am sorry that your wife will have a day, a week, a lifetime, without you. And I am sorry that maybe I never told you how much you did mean to me...
This one is for you...Live long and prosper...
'>http://

OOPs I did it again...

I have been absent from here...but maybe you have noticed.
I have a lot on my mind...and instead of getting easier, it seems to just be getting harder. I try to think about it...and it overwhelms me and I just stop.
How can I be sure that I am making the right decision?
How can I be sure that this is the best for everyone? Especially when one of the boys says "When is Daddy coming home?"
I feel like my life has been one bad decision after another as of lately...and when I turn and look, I don't seem to have a scrap of dignity left. Each bad decision seems to have a consequence worse than the one before...how many more, before I lose everything?
I look at my life 6 months ago...and I don't even recognize it, compared to the mess that it is today. Yes. I have people who love me. Yes. I have my health. Yes. I have my family. Yes. I have those two very sweet little boys. And, I suppose, in the over all scheme of things, that is enough...
I look at Little and when he starts to cry because I am not the one taking him to football practice, I cry too. I cry when he asks why Daddy isn't coming home. It doesn't make sense to me, so how can I explain it to him?
I need to know that I did the right thing. In my heart. I need to know that.
I need to find the strength to be independent. I need to know when to say no and not make decisions that are not 100% the right thing to do.
I need to take inventory of my life and figure out what is going to stay and what is going to go.
Keep something crossed that I make the right decisions...

off my chest

• If you are 45 years old...you don't need to avoid eye contact with me...I have been your sister in law for almost 14 years. I have known you for as long as you have known your own son.
• If you think that leaving me mean messages on my voice mail is the way to make things happen, you haven't learned anything in the past 16 years.
• If passive aggressive were a sport, you would be the olympic record holder.
• That 10 minute soliloquy that I was subjected to the other night was beautiful. You should seriously think about a career in acting.
• I am not sure when NOT DOING ANYTHING different began to constitute change...but if it does, we have been changing for a long time. Maybe we need to stop.
• I know he is your son. BELIEVE me, I know.
• If you think that I WANT to be living this, that this is what I dreamed of when I was a little girl, you might want to lie down...because YOU ARE CRAZY!

surprise

Uhm.
So...I am sitting here...and Little comes down...he is clearly up to something, because there is a shit grin on his face. The convo that he will repeat to his therapist in 10 years, went like this:

Little: Close your eyes.
Me: No way, Jose...I am not falling for that one.
Little: Come on mom, it isn't bad.
Me: Yeah. Nope. Not doing it...what do you have?
Little: Nothing! NOTHING
(at this point I notice the noise...bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)
Me: OMG! Give it to me. GIVE IT TO ME!!!
Little: Why?
Me: OMG! That is MOMMY'S. GIVE IT TO ME!

Trip to the therapist- $25 copay
blue plastic vibrator- $15
Look on your mothers face when she realizes that you found it?- Priceless.

Hello Kitty

Many things are changing here at casa de crazy. One thing will remain the same. I will never get a break. Here is an example:
Yesterday, I decided to pull the trigger and buy a new grill. The grill that we have hasn't worked since Nam...and I wanted me a burger. So...I looked and looked...and found one at Wmart for a cool hunge. (100, hundo...)anyway...They came assembled or unassembled. There was no change in price. I? Still drive a Saturn. There was no way I was going to fit a fully assembled grill into the back seat of said Saturn. No sir.
So, I opted for unassembled. I struggled to get the grill down from the shelf...I gave up when it became clear that I was going to become trapped underneath that grill if I were to continue attempting to get this grill down, without help.
Fast forward 20 minutes and I am zooming down the road with an unassembled grill in my back seat.
My parents were coming down today to help me buy this grill. I went all independent on them and bought it myself. I did the research. I know BTUs. So, my dad was going to help me put it together. BBBZZZTTTTT. Wrong again. I was going to do this myself. I didn't get much sleep last night, but I was determined to start that grill. The directions said it should take approx. 45 minutes. BBBBBZZZZZTTTT. Hey! It took me 45 minutes to figure out which pieces were the legs. I was clad entirely in my jammies. Hello Kitty jams to be exact. On my front porch. Recently single. Hello. Perhaps I should have showered and applied a full face of make up...but that is hind sight. I got that damn grill together...2 hours and much swearing later. It isn't together exactly correct, and between you and I? I totally disposed of the extra parts, so my dad wouldn't know. But...the best part is the text that I just got.
J: You got the grill together!
Me: Uhm...yeah...how did you know?
J: I drove past you this morning.
Me: In. My. Jammies?
J: Yep. That's why I didn't stop.
Me: Uhm. OMG. I am so embarrassed.

Allow me just to say that J is a hot local guy...and while I have no intention of beginning to date any time soon, if I were...J would SOOO be on the top of the list. However, I think that my hello kitty jammies just took him out of the running. I suppose I will rethink doing things on the porch in the morning.

Don't be a hater...

Mother's day came and went...with limited fanfare around these parts. Public school has really stepped up their game as far as holiday swag goes. I got a shit load of stuff this year...allow me to extrapolate. (OMG. I totally used that word)
Big's swag bag contained a marigold potted in a pot with a picture of him glued to the front, lest I forget what he looks like. It also contained a flower made of construction paper with a pledge on each petal. (Here is an insightful look into casa de crazy...) The middle says "Dear Mom, I'd like to show you in my own way, how much I love you each and every day." Please don't think he wrote that. It doesn't have football in it. He had nothing to do with it. The petals each say "I promise to" and the kid filled them in. Here is a list of his promises:

1. Get the mail (from the sounds of this, you could deduce that we either get a shitload of mail, or we live at the end of a long country road. Neither would be correct.)
2. Not record on the DVR (a little background on this? I was pissed the other day when Grey's Anatomy didn't record because the DVR was at 100% with the Deadliest Catch and Spongebob episodes.
3. make breakfast on mother's day (if by make breakfast he meant to sit on the couch and ask if he could have another pop tart, then he SOO did this.)
4. clean my face (This kid could make a mess eating ice. I have an anxiety attack any time we have wings or ribs. Not pretty)
5. not beat up Little (AS IF)

So damn sweet.

The swag from Little was even better! It included a flower of unknown origin planted in a regular pot, without a picture on it. (I am afraid I might forget what he looks like) A flower made of tissue paper, and a homemade card. The card touts the ways in which I am special...Here goes:

My Mom's name is (Misspelled)

She is special because (she buy me ice cream) That's right. I buy ice cream. Jealous much?

I like it when my mom (tickles me) OMG. So cute

My mom can do many things! I think she's best at (cooking) uhm...hey kid. They are talking about ME! Cooking? Really? THAT is what I do best? Heaven help us.

My mom has a pretty smile! I like to make her smile by (going crazy) Yep. That will do it.

My mom is as pretty as a (Princess) Who moved up to favorite? That's right!

My mom is smart. She even knows (everything) Are you starting to think maybe he copied off the kid next to him, so he could go outside faster? I know I am!

I like to tell my mom (I love her) Collective AWWWW!

It was a nice Mother's Day. Little picked the menu for dinner. We had Bourbon Chicken and Tater Tots...that is sooo how we roll around here!

Everythings gonna be alright...

I love my boys...they try my patience on a daily basis, but I LOVE them.

Yesterday, the boys and I drove to meet my mom and my gram for dinner. The ride MAYBE took 20 minutes. MAYBE. Apparently, 20 minutes is too long...because Little decided to take the lemon scented magic marker and color his entire ENTIRE hand yellow. Front and back. Yellow. I didn't realize that is what he was doing...I was on the phone with a co worker...discussing very important work business...so...when we pulled in to the restaurant parking lot, I heard him giggle. I didn't know what he was doing. I looked up and there is this YELLOW hand. I didn't know if I should laugh or cry.
As that is going on...Big is talking about the $300 that I owe him. Please know that my kids do this. They often say "you said you would give me a dollar...or you promised we could go here..." and I didn't. But I fall for it every time. But. He was pushing his luck with $300. I KNOW I didn't promise him that kinda cash. I mean, hell, I don't even know that I HAVE $300 right now. So, I ask him what the hell he is talking about? Turns out he thinks I owe him his part of the stimulus check that we are getting from the government. SHUT UP! Can someone PLEASE keep my kid away from Fox news. Thanks. He is trying to shake me down for the money I get for having him. I am not sure where these kids come from.
But I love them.

how can you not love this face?

Loving this...my little PIRATE!

baby girl...

ain't got a motorboat, but I can float your boat...I can't get that song out of my head.
Funny...when something gets stuck there...it is STUCK there.

SO...I took that LOA from my life. I did a lot of thinking. And, I read something that basically said "There is a difference between just existing and living." and it hit me in the face. I have been 'just existing' for so long now...(I heard you say, No DUH!) but I didn't realize it. No. Really, I didn't.
So...long about Monday night, after spending the weekend avoiding my husband, I opened my mouth to speak and "I don't think this is working any more" spilled out. I know it crushed him. I know it hurt. I know how much. Believe me, I know how much. But. I couldn't take it back. I don't think I want to take it back.
There has been much discussion with me and my therapist (she was not surprised.) and C and I. And C, our couples therapist, and me. There have been many tears. MANY tears. The thing is. I don't hate him. I can't hate him. I just don't know if I can get beyond the hurt. And, I am tired of putting everyone else in front of me...when no one is putting me first. How is that fair?
There is more...but I am tired of talking about it right now. The gist is...he is leaving tomorrow for 2 weeks at summer camp for the Army. We are taking this time to cool off and see what happens. Lots of stuff to think about.
The part that freaks me out? Is how relieved I feel having said that. It can only get better, now.

LOA

I took a major leave of absence from my life this week...I went to Boston for work and didn't do one thing that I usually do.
I didn't blog. I didn't read blogs. I talked to my kids, but that was it. I didn't email. I just laid low. It was great. Nice. Fun. No worries. I didn't even know who won the election in PA until I saw it on the news.
I am going to catch up...but I'm not in a hurry! I am sitting in the airport...waiting for my 9pm flight. I thought it was an 8pm flight...and I got to the airport kind of early...so I had about 4 hours to kill...
I went to Harvard for an evening. It was fun to walk around and take in the sights. Seeing students on the lawn, playing frisbee or catch...walking dogs, holding hands...it really was nice.

Who's the Boss?

Convo:

Big: Mom...who is that girl with the brown hair from that show in the 80's?
Me: Really? You couldn't be any less specific?
Big: MOM! You know...I think she was on Who's the Boss?
Me: Alyssa Milano?
Big: Yes. Alyssa Milano. With your new haircut, that is who you look like.

Apparently, a good hair cut can change your whole appearance!

I got my hair cut today...I drove an hour...spent 2 1/2 hours getting it cut, colored, and highlighted...and fell in love. The cut is amazing. Funny how that happens. Apparently, there IS a difference! I guess the $5 box I was selecting was maybe not the best!! I LOVE the color. I LOVE the cut! I will post a picture tomorrow...maybe...unless Tony Danza calls, then I am totally outta here!

WTF?

warning: random post about girl stuff

Yesterday, I got a surprise visit from Aunt Rose. She was early. I had no tampons. At work, we have the machine that dispenses them for a quarter. I put the quarter in, my ONLY quarter, and *CLICK* nothing came out. I wiggled the handle, I hit the machine, I even tried the old "swear at it" method. Nothing. Here I am, in the bathroom, banging on a tampon machine and swearing at it...A woman in a stall hears my plight. She kindly offers up a tampon. (I totally plan to pay it forward...) I take it. In the stall...UHM? Hello? was she 11? It is the SMALLEST tampon I have ever seen. Seriously. I put bigger things in my ears to clean them. Who has a vajayjay that small?

I guess when I "pay it forward" the lucky recipient will probably be like "UHM? Hello? Who has a vajayjay that big?" Oh well!

Guitar Hero

DSC02971
Originally uploaded by sweetpeas123

My little rock star! We played GH3 all weekend...I beat it on Easy...no easy feat, let me tell you! I am one song in on medium. Big is trying to beat the first boss guy...Little hates it...but sings along. It is awesome to hear him sing "Slow Ride..."

If I could save time in a bottle...

The car ride on our date tonight...Big and I...

"mom...if we 'Flintstone' your car, I think we would go faster..."
"Flintstone?"
"Yeah...you know, cut holes in the floor so our feet can hit the ground..."
"Where do you come up with this?"

So, Big and I had a fabulous date. We just poked around the mall area...had dinner at the Steak N Shake...deelish...He ate a double cheeseburger with fries and fresh fruit on the side and a chocolate/vanilla milkshake. He is 10, remember. He ate it ALL. Crazy. We went to the bookstore and each picked out a new book...then went to Starbucks and played checkers until the comfy chairs were free...then we settled into them to read. We were there for about an hour. I think I could have stayed all night...possibly forever. I know there is going to be a time in the not so distant future, where it won't be cool to hang out with me at Starbucks. I know this. I accept it. But for now...I will just enjoy it for what it is!

Earlier, I read a post over at Miss Britt...where she says she sucks...in a cleansing response, I reported all of the ways that I also suck. I suck because my kids are so long overdue for a haircut, I think they have Caucasian Afros. They have a perpetual kool aid mustache, since kool aid is about all we have to drink here...my car is out of inspection...by 2 or 3 months...I know it needs new tires and brakes...and an oil change. I haven't found a place that offers those for free, yet...so I just obey most traffic laws and wear a low cut top as a preventative measure. My own hair hasn't been cut since October. I am dangerously close to being mistaken for harvesting caterpillars on my forehead...my house is in a state of disarray. I have a few outdoor projects that need finished...oh I am sure there was more...but funny how a nice date with a lovely young gentleman, will change your outlook entirely!
There is one person in this world who today, doesn't think I suck! And that is good enough for me!!

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

I came here to talk about the day...and how incredibly awesome the sun is for showing up today and how the birds rock for tweeting and how the sound of a basketball bouncing in the distance is so incredibly sweet...until my thoughts were interrupted by the stink brothers. They were all "he stole my gun" "he did this" "he did that"...and it caused me to lose my ever lovin' mind. Because REALLY? You're going to whine on a day like today? REALLY?
I just got done telling Big that he had another hour left of his sentence involving being outside for the entire afternoon. He whined "I haven't been on the computer ALL DAY!" I said "I know...now getcher ass outside." It has been below zero here for the last 6 months and I am supposed to be sympathetic? Be kids. Dig in the dirt. Draw on the sidewalk with chalk. Play kickball.
In all honesty, it has been an awesome day. We are working in the flower garden up front. Flower garden might be too strong of a description for the mess that I am talking about...but we'll leave it at that, because you can't see what it really looks like. In the whole 11 years that we have lived her, nothing but weeds have successfully grown in this bed...of flowers. So. I am cutting my loses and scaling back the area that remains barren. I hope that I can at least get some sedum (spelling?) to grow there...that shit grows everywhere...
In homeowner 101, I have decided to tackle a few other tasks...I have enlisted the help of random family members, so as not to burden all at once. New shelves went up in the pantry...YAY! You have no idea how big of a YAY that really is! Next up, painting the kitchen and the dining room. That gets a little yay, because I am the painter.
Baby steps, I guess.

April Fooled

If you know me...you know that I am a big joker. Laughing is my favorite sport. Yeah...so...being on the receiving end of an April Fools joke is RARE...for me. I am the joke player.
Today...I was got.
And...by someone so unsuspecting it isn't funny! It was a co-worker...we talk 5 or more times a day...and this morning he calls and we are talking about work and stuff and he told me that we wouldn't be working together much longer...as of June 1, he would have another territory. I was crushed. We get along so well. I have been at this job for almost 6 years...I have had co-workers in this capacity, come and go, and I couldn't have cared any less. Buh bye. But this new territory...I am learning some teamwork...and I have come to really like and respect this guy. So. To hear that we were "breaking up" really hit me hard.
I am almost embarrassed to say how hard! I nearly cried on the phone with him! How terrible would that have been? In this job, I don't get close to very many people, because frankly, they come and go...those that I do allow to get close, I cherish. So...really, I barely stopped short of proclaiming my undying love for this guy today. (Believe me, I am already embarrassed enough...) He wanted to send me the email that showed all the changes, but I flat out refused. I told him that I wouldn't read it, because I was in denial. I would remain in denial until I couldn't do anything about the changes.
He sent the email. I didn't open it. Our conversation changed and we continued talking about work...it wasn't until about 10 minutes later, right before we were hanging up, that I clicked on the email. Mother Fucker said APRIL FOOLS.
I was fooled, alright.
I couldn't believe that I HAD BEEN GOTTEN!
I have a new found respect for this man. I may offer to have his children.

Murphy

This is Murphy. I am not a fan of rats...but from the front, Murphy is the cutest thing ever. From the back? Murphy has the biggest set of nuts I have ever seen...and a freakishly long tail. No thanks.
He isn't ours...he is part of my friends zoo...cats, dogs, rats, a spider, and a bunny or two.

We spent Friday evening there...

Something is gonna getcha!

I have been doing some boo-hooing lately. You know...random health issues that make me realize I might not be invincible. First it was the "OMG you have a hernia...no wait we're taking your colon" and then it was the "I know you love the eye doctor, here is a corneal ulcer." Throw in a "coughing so much your abs hurt" cold...and last but not least "We know there are abnormal cells on your cervix, but we are going to use a knitting needle and rake to take more samples" trip to the gynecologist.
Please. I could drown in the pool of tears I am crying over all of this. Poor Poor me. In fact, I have said "can a girl get a break" in the most ghetto tone I can muster. I mean, an eye infection and a colon-ectomy and cough/cold AND an abnormal pap? The world might end.
None of it is life threatening. None of it. But all of it is bringing me down. I am still sleepy from the colon surgery. (wait. Maybe I am just lazy.) I can't shake the cold. Or the eye thing. (shout out to dr. cutie!) and the abnormal pap was just the cherry on top.
So...yesterday at my shrink appt. I was telling her all about it. And I can identify why the colposcopy freaked me out. I was on the table and the dr was talking about an outpatient surgery that he wanted to do in order to remove the cells. I kept thinking "he is saying minor surgery. he is saying outpatient. But they said very similar when I went in for an alleged hernia and came out 12 inches of colon and an appendix lighter." So my freak out was kinda normal...or at least understandable. But my woe is me...Eeyore attitude needed to go. And...my shrink kinda told me that.
She started telling me a story about how sad her father was when he found out he had bladder cancer. I felt bad for feeling bad for myself, when obviously, her dad was worse off than I was...but she was going somewhere...she basically said that her sister, after a week of him being sad and woe is me-esque, told him that everyone dies from something. And fuck if she isn't right. Everyone dies of something. So...rather than sit around, waiting for something to kill me...maybe I should stop feeling sorry for myself, feel grateful that nothing that is wrong with me is life threatening, and get on with things.
You know, cause something is gonna getcha.

discovery channel is good food

The following took place moments ago.

Big: "MOM!"
Me: "what?"
Big: "That make up that you smear all over your face? it is made of PIG FAT."
me: "uhm...what? Oh...right...the discovery channel...k thanks for sharing."
Big: "Yeah. GROSS. And? Do you know what HAM is made from?"
Me: "pig fat?"
Big: "No MOM. PIG. PIG."
Me: "right...I have heard that before...must be true."
Big: "Do you know what part?"
Me: "The rooter? or the tooter?"
Big: (coming close enough to whisper...)"THE BUTT"
Me: "Good to know. Thanks."

I bet he will never eat HAM again.

drinking and hiding easter eggs don't mix

Last night was a big night out for me. It was a "make up" St. Patrick's Day party. Last week's was cancelled for some reason that I am not completely sure of, but that is ok. Every day can be St. Patrick's Day for me, I don't care.
I spent most of the day leading up to the big bash, cleaning, taking kids to egg hunts, baking cakes, coloring eggs, etc. So, when it came time to don my "Everyone loves an Irish girl" tee shirt from Target, and hit the streets looking for a pot of gold, I was more than ready.
I met my friends at a local pub. It was by no stretch of the imagination, a pub. But let's call it that for shits and giggles, k? I had already bought a ticket...and so I was granted admission to the par-tay. Some of the local favorites were hanging out...oh...look, there is my 65 yr old neighbor over there...let's not make eye contact...everyone was already established at a table in the back. The "big" buffet, that the tickets promised, was actually a table with a few things...and GREEN chocolate flowing from a fountain. I found this completely disturbing...but indulged anyway. It was fun. There was a lot of laughing...some boy nipple comparing...more laughing...much drinking...at one point, I busted out the "robot" move from my 8th grade dance moves. There were some other fun things...then, I found myself looking at a girl/woman's ass that I didn't really know. She was bent over...and her butt was BEGGING me to smack it. So! SMACK! omg. I didn't! Turns out I did. Not sure who was more embarrassed...but I didn't say "...gave that big booty a smack..." which is what was playing in my head...so I guess I should consider myself lucky! I also spent a lot of time looking at this one redhaired man wearing a leprechaun hat. No sir. YES SIR!
So, my friend JKLMNOP walked me home...and it was upon entering the house, that I remembered I had to hid eggs and make the baskets. Not a good idea. Hiding the eggs involved me wrestling them out of the dogs mouth, because he apparently thought they would taste good. Making the baskets didn't go so well...especially since I would get one made up, have to stop to wrestle the dog, and then fuck it up when I tried to finish. I ended up stacking the shit inside the basket in no organized manner, shoved eggs further under the couch than the dogs head could reach, and called it a night.
I was, of course, not done. At the top of the steps was Little, with a tooth in his hand. Uhm? How did you lose a tooth in the middle of the night? He says he wiggled it. I couldn't be sure that the toothfairy had any ones left, so I mumbled something about it being too late tonight, but that the toothfairy would be stopping tomorrow. Turns out, I did have some ones...so it was all good.
I woke up this moring to find 6 texts in my in box. 4 were from Cheryl. The most recent one said "Dude. You HIT on my brother." Clearly, she was texting the wrong person. I remember talking to her brother, but hitting on someone, I think I would know. A few more texts confirm that I MIGHT have hit on him. Which is funny, because of about a million things. Also, she thinks he was being retarded and that I am fine. No hitting. We did giggle that we could be related...but only 1/4...because she and her brother have recently discovered that they don't share the same dad...and neither of their dads are the man that they called "daddy" when they grew up...but that is for another day...
Oh. I also confirmed the robot dance and the ass smacking...those seem to be for true.

Funny shit

someone sent me the link to this yesterday...and I cannot stop laughing...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGZxaDKmtwE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KVbjpFVe1w

These are two of my favorites!!

Hip bones and tattoos

Dear Tiny Girl in line in front of me at the CVS,

Hi. I know you don't know me, but I couldn't help but notice your lovely tattoo. I know it is only March, but God bless you, wear that crop sweatshirt and those low rise jeans.
When you turned around to say something to your friend behind you, I know you heard me gasp. Your hip bones. And that flat little, stretch mark free belly. Lord. I wanted to grab you by the hand and take you over to Starbucks. I wanted to tell you a few things...
Like how no matter how strong that maternal instinct is, do not birth children. I know that sounds harsh. But, you'll thank me someday. Those hips will disappear faster than you can say "the condom broke." Even if they return, they won't be the same.
That flat little belly? Also will disappear. In its place? Something we 37 year olds refer to as "the Pooch." Don't make me show you mine. You are too young to see it. Just take my word for it. No matter what anyone says, stretch marks DO NOT GO AWAY. Do you want to take the risk of getting them? NO MA'AM. Just don't have babies.
Also, since I am sharing my wisdom with you. That tattoo there, on your back? I hope that is your dad's name. or maybe your favorite pet. If it isn't, start saving your money now, because you are going to HATE it once you two break up. I know, sweetheart, you two will be together, forever. But when forever gets here, you are going to want to have it removed. Just sayin.
One more thing...all the make up? You don't need it. The eyeliner MIGHT be a little dark...just tone it down a little bit. You have a pretty face. Show it.
You don't have to thank me now...
Love,
You, twenty years ago.

Meme in pictures...

I have never done one of these before...so forgive me if I fuck it all to hell. I stole it from Tori...not really "stole" because it is a Meme and frankly, she TELLS you to do it...so do it, already!

It is a meme in pictures...
How do you do it?
Go to http://www.photobucket.com/
type in your answer to the question
insert the picture into your blog...

sounds easy, right? Let's just see how it goes.

1.) What is your relationship status?


2.) What is your current mood?


3.) Who is your favorite band/artist?


4.) What is your favorite movie?


5.) What kind of pet do you have?


6.) Where do you live?


7.) where do you work?


8.) What do you look like?


9.) what do you drive?


10.) What did you do last night?


11.) what is your favorite tv show?


12.)Descibe yourself...


13.) What are you doing tomorrow?


14.) What is your name?


15.) What is your favorite candy?

You say it's your birthday....

Today, Little turns 7. I can hardly believe that you are 7. I remember very vividly the day we found out I was pregnant. We had tried for some time, to have a second baby...and we didn't seem to be getting anywhere...so we stopped trying...situations changed and we started to try again...and just like that, he was on the way!
Pregnancy #2 was not as easy as #1. I spotted early...was basically sent home to rest and see what happened...I cried a lot. I didn't want to have a miscarriage. I wanted to have a baby...sonogram after sonogram confirmed that you were growing. Long about 13 or 14 weeks, when we should have been able to hear your heart beating, we didn't. I had to go home and wait until the next morning to have another sonogram to make sure you were still alive. Probably the longest 12 hours of my life. As soon as the doppler hit my belly, your heartbeat was there! Tears of joy! You gave me such trouble when you were in my belly...and you continue in that spirit!
I had a few "false alarms" before I went into actually labor with you. One false alarm involved a little tinkle and an embarrassing conversation with the gynecologist. (Who hasn't accidentally peed themselves and then gone straight to the gyno because you are IN LABOR!) I didn't think I would ever have you after that episode. I even threatened to NOT LEAVE the doctors office without the baby. (I have since switched doctors...I may have had a "label" at that one...)
The day my water DID break...I thought it was just another "tinkle" incident. Who knows what goes on...the only thing I knew was that I hadn't had a shower and couldn't possibly go to the hospital until I had taken care of that. When I finally got to the doctor and was kind of scolded for taking so long, we were sent to the hospital! You were born about 4 hours later!
Every single day has been something new with you. You have a silly, unique personality. You had the curliest, blond hair...the bluest eyes...the sweetest smile...the hair isn't curly...or very blond anymore, but the eyes and the smile...they remain the same.
Do you remember your "jumping off the couch" incident? The one that resulted in my "mother of the year" trophy? You broke your foot...but you kept right on jumping...so I didn't take you to the hospital. How was I to know?
How about the time you tried to roller skate down the sliding board and got MAD at me for making you take them off?
Or when you and your brother locked the cat in the bathroom and I had to take the door knob off so that we could pee?
Or how your favorite word was "jackass" for a long time. (maybe it only SEEMED like a long time to me!)
Or how last summer, when we were at the hotel for Chris and Jen's wedding, and the fire alarm went off, the first thing out of every ones mouth was "where is Little?" You potentially COULD have done it, but you didn't!!
I love you, baby! I love you for the sweet, adorable little boy that you are...and the young man that you are becoming. I love the fact that I know the craziness and fun is only just beginning. I love how this morning, when I was hugging you and squeezing you and commenting on how old you were getting, you looked at me and said "hello? you're 37. THAT IS OLD."
Tomorrow, we are having your 'cosmic bowling' party...and I am quite certain that I will be boozing by 8pm tomorrow night, but I hope that this is the best birthday, ever...and that next year is even better!
I love you, baby!! Happy birthdizzle!

shopping fun

Tomorrow is Little's 7th birthday. I am certain not to forget such event, simply because he won't let me! We have been counting down the days since the middle of February...and that is fine, I do the same. I told him that we would be going shopping to pick out his birthday gift and he could pick what he wanted. *within reason....Would you like to know what a 7yr old thinks is *within reason?
First we get to Toys R Us...I am already beat from a day at work and cooking and cleaning...but it is 7:15 and I still have a birthday gift to procure. He wants to look at bikes. and skateboards. and motorized Razor scooters that cost $300 and are entirely OUT of the reach of reason. He rode a couple of bikes around the store...which entertained him, while I took a quick cat nap on the bench. One of the bikes had "handle bar brakes" which Little is not so familiar with. The end result was a small scream and a near miss in the aisle that involved another little boy. Where was that kids mother? I tried to get him to buy into "guitar hero" and frankly, it was only because I wanted it. HE wanted an actual electric guitar. Not so much. There were some tears. He stopped proclaiming that I was the best mom, EVER. I suggested we head over to Walmart...
On the way to Walmart...he remembers that he wanted a "wap-top" aka laptop. I remind him that we are talking about gifts that are *within reason and a wap-top is not. We stopped at Best Buy to prove my point. Again, I tried for the Guitar Hero. (good news...Rock Band for the Wii will be out before Christmas, start standing in line now!) Then...we finally went to Walmart. Walmart. Had the same bike that we saw for $100 at TRU for $68. I'll take that. It is orange. It has handle bar brakes. He didn't hit anyone at Walmart. We bought it. In the check out line, the little girl in front of us was checking out his bike. They talked. She clearly dug Little. He was cute. I told him later that he couldn't bring home a girl that he met in the checkout at Walmart.
Now for the funny part...and really, who didn't see this coming?
We get the bike out to the car. The CAR. The SATURN. There isn't a lot of space in the Saturn, and what space there is, is taken up by a butt load of crap. I try to put the bike in the back seat thinking that Little could ride shotgun on the way home...he managed to survive the first 7 years, he would be fine. Not to worry, the bike wouldn't fit in the back seat. After much wrestling, I got it back OUT of the backseat and popped the trunk. Yeah. It wouldn't fit in the trunk, either. Much wrestling, swearing, yanking, yelling, giggling...and then I decided to put down the back seat. In theory, that sounds like I am using my head. In reality? Not so much. I couldn't get the bike far enough IN the trunk to need the seat down. More pulling, pushing, swearing, sweating, and begging...finally, it was IN the trunk. However, the trunk? Wouldn't close. More swearing...and of course I don't have a string or anything to tie the trunk closed with...so I get an idea...I use the plastic bag to tie the trunk shut. Off we go...Little in the back seat, hanging on to the tire, afraid that the bike is going to fly out at any moment. I tried to assure him that all of the tugging and pulling and swearing that I did was exactly why the bike would NOT fly out. However, I was certain that my random shit that was in the trunk, was going to fly out and leave a Hansel and Gretal like trail on the way...
We made it home. Little rode the bike around the livingroom until the dog barked and I yelled.
Happy Birthday, Baby!!

a disclaimer

Ok...so...my husband is very much a republican. Very. Much. I know...but this isn't even why we have problems...anyway...I like to think of myself as a free spirit...kind of vote on the issues, not the party...which worked out well...but a few years ago...when we were "allegedly" getting a tax credit to be mailed out, in addition to our regular tax refund...you remember...this was the first time they did it...I mockingly said "The day I receive that check in the mail is the day I become a rep." Well. Hot damn. I got that check in the mail...cashed that bitch...and came home to my husband on the couch with a voter registration form beside him. He had lovingly filled in most of it for me. I signed it...not because I wanted to be a rep...but because I am nothing if not a girl of my word. So...I am rep. In name only.
I voted for Clinton, both times...which brings me to today...He is speaking locally here tomorrow...and I am thinking seriously about taking Big to hear him speak. I think that it is important for him to be involved in current events...well...the mere mention of this has caused my husband to have heart palpitations...I am actually afraid to mention it to either my father, or my father in law, for fear of either sending them to an early grave or causing them to call children services to take the kids from me...
I just want to say...if something happens to any one of the 3...I had nothing to do with it.

Memories...

I was just hanging out over at Jennsylvania...and she talked about how she got loaded up and sent an email to a friend of hers...and it reminded me of the night...not so long ago...when I was on my way to getting trashed...and sent a text to someone who might not have been the intended recipient...and then proceeded to sing karaoke (Britney-Toxic...I had been working on that...) in a NON-karaoke bar...and giving a lap dance to my son's pee wee football coach...ok...there was a reason...I wanted to know what it would take to get him to be captain for the next game...and then proceeded to do a bump and grind routine on this poor guys leg. I don't think I threw up. However, on the ride home, when I said "turn left here" I really was thinking "turn right" and proceeded to yell at my friend's husband for turning wrong...(he is less than fond of me, to this day.) The next day...after a long shower and a big cup of coffee...or 10, I got to the game, just in time to see my son standing at midfield with the coach and the other 2 captains for that game. The coach txt'd me from midfield to make sure I saw it. Yeah...momma shook her money maker...but it paid off.
It took me a while to get beyond the embarrassment. We now refer to this as the "night of the lap dance..." or "stripper Jodi"
But...hey...it worked...and frankly, I am going to have to keep my girlish figure, because I can totally see needing to pull the lap dance out for Little. Only, that will be a little bit more tricky...since I am thinking that he will need the help at school. Wonder if they would install a pole in the cafeteria?

go away

go away...eye infection.
I had to go to the follow up eye appt. today...or as I am going to call it from now on, "the old bait and switch."
Gone was Dr. Hottie. In his place? Dr. Not-so-hottie. He was so mean about my eye infection. I think he really thought I was getting a kick out of having it...like I LIKED going to the eye doctor or something. (I want to know who told him...)
Anyway...Dr. NSH yelled at me...told me that my eye health is very important...and then promptly upped the antibiotic. Which had a $25 co-pay instead of $5. Plus, since he is my EYE doctor...not my PCP, he is considered out of network, so that set me back $60...plus, when I was at the drugstore waiting for my medicine, I bought chocolate easter eggs and diet coke...and a magazine...but I did take my blood pressure...(I feel like I might be 7) The whole thing irritated me.
Oh? And freakily enough? As I am waiting for my name to be called so I could pay for all this loot...I hear "Sugar free vanilla, non fat latte" which is my nickname, apparently. Turns out, the girl behind the counter at the pharmacy used to work at my favorite starbucks. Funny. And a tad bit frightening.

couple a things...

1. If we are driving FORWARD...and you, lady in the big white SUV in front of me, decide that forward isn't working out for you and you suddenly stick it in reverse...DO NOT get bent when I flip you off and beep the horn. Just because YOU want to go backwards, does not mean I want to, as well.
2. If you have a tendency to fall down and get bruised on your legs/thighs, it is probably NOT a good idea to wear your micro mini with the fuck me boots and no stockings. To work.
3. If you WANT to wear your big furry blue boots because it is snowing out, I get that. However, I don't get why you don't immediately change out of them. You have to know how ree-dick you look.
4. If you want to smell like a stripper, fine by me. If you feel the need to freshen up that ever fresh stripper smell in the bathroom while I pee, that is NOT fine by me. So you know...perfume at walmart is NOT a deal.
5. If you want to argue with your husband/boyfriend/paperboy, that is also fine by me. If you do it while I am seated in the cube next to you, don't get mad at me because I laugh when you become enraged that he won't pick the damn dog up at the vet. Even if it IS his dog, it is still funny. (this one you might have to trust me on...)
6. One 7 yr old + a Yosemite Sam video + 2 plastic pistols = a scratched cornea for me. (full contact parenting is something I subscribe to)
7. A scratched cornea = a trip to see Dr. Hottie, the eye doctor. I know I joked about sticking a fork in my eye, but never did I dream of sticking a plastic pistol in my eye. Who knew?
8. A scratched cornea hurts like a mother fucker.
9. Add a cold and you have one unpleasant bitch.

myth busters

I woke up a little early today...Sunday...so there was coffee and cinnamon rolls and cleaning and webkinz...then I decided to grocery shop...since it was still early and no one was awake here...I busted out to walmart...which I hate with all of my being...but you can get a shitload of stuff for not a shitload of money...and I am willing to compromise myself for some extra cash, yo.

The whole way driving to walmart, I kept thinking...it won't be crowded...it is early Sunday morning...no one will be there. Right. Not so much. In fact, if it is possible, MORE people were there. And, they were meaner. Clearly, these folk needed to be heading to the church...not Walmart. I don't understand why, but Walmart seems to bring the mean in people out. And. The bad in kids. Why do kids think it is ok to scream and cry on the floor at Walmart? Get your ass up. That floor is dirty. And? I don't want to hear you. So...we have mean people and screamin kids. Oh joy! Can you say where are my meds?

I cannot believe that I thought it would be less crowded on a Sunday morning. Perhaps I thought everyone was at church...but alas, I was wrong.

this close to a tantrum

Today started out bad...and just continued right down that path...I woke up later than I normally do...and really? I am already late when the alarm clock goes off...it is "food day" at work. Why can't we ever have "jammy" day? or "go fuck yourself" day? Instead...we spend a whole week discussing the food day...who will bring what? how much should we bring? Where will we put it? and on and on until I want to kick the next person who sends an email that even remotely talks about food. Or days.

So. I was already in a rotten mood about food day...but since I was able to BUY my offering for food day...which allowed me to lounge on the couch and catch Survivor...I should have felt blessed.
I get to work...and oh...by the way...it started to snow on my way...which, if you are not familiar with snow, often turns to water when it lands on your head. Your head, where your hair resides. My hair is naturally curly. Part of the reason I am so late, is because I straighten it. Once the snow hit it...the top layer frizzed. Beautiful! I am late. Frizzy haired. AND going to have to deal with food day. It couldn't get any worse...so you think! But. I left the plates and forks in the car! I start the 1/2 mile trek back to get them...only to realize that they weren't in the car! OMG. Someone broke into my car and stole the PLATES! AND FORKS! Typing that, I realize how insane that sounds. Truth be told, I realized seconds after I thought it, how silly it was. Yeah, sure, someone broke into my SATURN and stole the plates and forks that I bought at the dollar store, Yo.
Ok. More hair friz. Feet cold. Co-workers annoying. GOOD TIMES!
I just felt like I was seconds away from screaming mean things that couldn't be quickly forgiven OR forgotten. So, I hid in my cube.

The good part? I happened to find a Clark's CD that I had forgotten about. Yeah. So. That is what I am doing now!

Hey Mickey!

Ok...so...I have never been a dog lover. I mean, growing up, I HAD a dog for about 3 seconds. That story goes a little something like this:

We get Abby. A cocker spaniel cutie. LOVE HER! Later that month, my mother gets sick with Bell's Palsy. It is 1978 and it seems like she is in the hospital for much of that Summer. My brother and I are left with my grandparents because my mom is in Pittsburgh (an hour and a half by car at that time.) She finally comes home and my dad plans this family vacation for all of us. All of us, except Abby. Abby goes to the kennel. It is about 45 minutes from our house. We go on vacation. We come back...my brother, my dad, and I load up the station wagon to go get Abby! So excited! Abby! Yay! We get to the kennel...Abby isn't there. She apparently died while we were gone. Hindsight has me laughing...isn't that conveinient? She "died" right...just like they go live at a "farm!" Anyway...the 45 minutes home from that kennel was the longest 45 minutes of my dad's life! My brother and I cried and cried for days!

Ok....back on topic...my not being a dog person...

Tonight...Mickey was acting strange...and suddenly seemed to have a seizure. I freaked out. I started screaming! I stuck my fingers in his mouth (cause thats what you do, right?) We get me settled down. I called the vet and they would see him as an emergency...$75 plus any tests or anything...So, I haul ass in the Saturn up the hill to the vet...Probing and poking...Mickey just kinda sits there...$175 lighter...and we don't know why he had the seizure.

I don't regret taking him to the vet and spending that money. Not one little bit. I used to think that you could love your new dog just as much as you loved your old dog...and that someone who pays thousands of dollars for their pet was nuts. Now? I might be nuts myself!! I also just might be a dog lover....

The freakin weeken

Sunday morning...and I am realizing that I am a freakshow. Or at the very least, I have issues. I have a weekend coffee cup. It is from Starbucks. Yellow, red, and orange...with flowers. It is the perfect size. I get really crabby if it isn't clean. And by crabby, I mean that I stomp around and wash it BY HAND. Yes. crazy. I also like cinnamon rolls. Hot and fresh from the oven. Both days. with my coffee. in my cup. And you know I load up the cinnamon roll that I plan to eat with extra icing. Yeah. A perk of being the mom!
I justify my love for the cinnamon roll by telling myself that a portion of the money I spend on these, goes to my sons school. (we collect box tops) Logically, I could just kick them 20 cents/weekend and call it a day. My ass would probably be thankful. But I love the rolls.
And speaking of yummy, delicious things that I love...I was at the eye doctor yesterday. MMM...How wrong is it that I love him and sometimes think of sticking things into my eye, just to go and see him. Can you imagine the convo? him: "So, how did this happen?" me: "I don't know! The fork just went into my eye." him "This is the third time this week you have had a fork in your eye, maybe you should use a spoon?" Ok. So a fork in the eye might not answer my prayers. But he is delicious! Tall. Smells good. He actually takes his life into his own hands by wearing cologne and asking me to sit close to him and stare at his ear. How about we just make out instead? It is just a good thing he isn't my gynecologist.

Speaking of that...I also saw her this week. This will confirm your suspicions that I am whack...I have my annual eye exam and annual gyno appt. all set up for the same month that my car needs inspected. I never forget. Anyway...the gyno is new. She is a she. I like her. She didn't buy me drinks before she saw my girly parts, but neither did a lot of boys I went to college with, so I can't really complain. She did take a mean sample of my cervix. It was as though she had something against it. I guess that is good...
I am back in the swing of things. Saw the couples therapist last week, see my shrink this week...by Friday, I will have seen 6 doctors in 2 weeks. And I am not even in full on hypochondriac mode. Love me. Love my quirks.

karma...she isn't my friend today!

Hello, Karma? It's me...chicken...yeah, yeah, right...I know...but really? A sore throat, too? Is it not enough that I am cultivating a second bellybutton? Or that you could keep small change in said second bellybutton? But now? I have a sore throat. Thanks. I am off to drown myself in tea and vicks....because I am 80.

Both Big and I have this cold. I can only take Tylenol...cold/sinus/whatever...and Big can take whatever the fuck I give him...and he does...usually, though, it is with much complaining and face making and often he spills more of it than he drinks which results in some yelling. (I do the yelling, not him...)
I finished the last of the Tylenol last night...and today asked C to go to the store for some more and also some cough drops. Seems relatively simple, right? Tylenol cold...nothing special...cough drops...also, nothing special.
He comes back with Superduper deluxe Tylenol with rapid release. And Cold EEZE. I guess in hindsight, being what it is and all, I should have know he would fuck this up. <3 TLA. So...I have to get dressed and return everything that he bought. I can't take rapid release....and Cold EEZE scares me. There are a lot of warnings on it...and frankly, it isn't a cough drop. This is the man, who went sent to the drug store 2 days after our baby was born, with a detailed list that included Nipple cream, Preperation H, and pads...came home with a candy bar, some vaseline, and a box of tampons. Yes. He is very handy to have around. Also, there was a Sports Illustrated...you know, to prove he is a man...lest someone think that the tampons were actually for him.?
I am probably just sick...you know...I am not usually this bitchy...
HAHAHAHA...that makes my side hurt from laughing!!

Oh...and if you know why my spell checker isn't working and want to fix it, I would appreciate that...otherwise, I have to stick to words I am certain of how to spell, and frankly, that limits me!

Dear Starbucks

Dear Starbucks,
Hi! Remember me? I was your customer of the week about a month ago? I have been coming in to see you every single weekday for the last year and a half? You have to remember me! Well...I was away for a little while...sick for 4 weeks. You didn't ask about me. You didn't send flowers. You didn't even seem to miss me. I spend close to $4/day with you...factor that over the course of the last 18 months, and you get a new car.
I came back on Wednesday, but you didn't seem to notice. I know you have some new friends working there...and I don't expect them to recognize me right away. But the old friends, they seem to have all but forgotten about me. You used to remember my drink. I could walk in, pay, and pick it up...all in the span of a minute. Now? I have to SAY my drink and WAIT for it. That is pure crap. Also, you need to tell that little barista that SKINNY VANILLA LATTE means sugar free, non fat. Those are YOUR rules, not mine. And tell her not to give me crap when I send it back. I order it that way for a reason. If I wanted someone else to decide how I wanted it, I would just say "Make me whatever the fuck you want." Then I would have no reason to bitch. But I didn't say that, so I am bitching.
I am sad that our relationship is coming to this. There was a time when I didn't think that I could live without you. Seriously. But being out and having you not ask about me? That hurt. Clearly, I can be replaced. My $4 is just a drop in your bucket, I guess.
I'll still be around...just not as often. Please don't call me, I can't talk to you right now.
Customer of the week,
Jodi

Update...

Remember when I posted earlier...how the first line went something like "I love my kids?"

Yeah, scratch that, please. I am going to kill them both and bury them in the basement under the pile of laundry that never gets done.
Also? Their friend? Is only adding to the annoyance. If she doesn't watch her back, she'll be joining them under the laundry.
Really? Handstands in the livingroom? WTF???

Also? C? You're coasting on my last nerve as well...that spot under the laundry is big enough for all 4 of your asses.

XO

just for today...

I love my children!
Here is what I heard at 8:30 this morning...

Little: Mom! MOM! It's 8:30...we're late for school! Mom! MOOOOOM!
Me: Baby, look out the window...
Little: SNOW DAY! BOO YAH!

So...they are both home on this, my last day of sick leave/disability. At first I was a little mad, I mean, this is my last day off. I have to go back to work tomorrow...but then I realized...I kinda like spending time with them...I mean...don't tell them that, but I do. We made cinnamon rolls for breakfast...they watched cartoons...I nodded off on the couch. Around 10:30, there were requests for going outside. Around 11, they were ready and dressed to go...their outfits were a bit mismatched...but they seemed ok with it. As I closed the door behind them, I yelled "I'm locking the door. You're out for an hour!!" They were out for 2! I took pictures of their pink cheeks and cute faces! Even the terror boy down the block looked cute (til he opened his mouth, of course...) I'll post them later!

I made Stuffed Pepper soup for dinner...hot chocolate with marshmallows and pizza rolls for lunch...funny how I am coming to like being home, just as I am heading back to work.

Another funny? The boys have discovered "Ernest" as in "Ernest goes to camp" or "Ernest joins the Army" or some shit like that. I can remember when Ernest came out...I didn't like him then...and apparently, absence does not make the heart grow fonder, because I don't like him now, either. The boys? Think he is the funniest thing ever! They hoot and giggle! It is cute...even if Ernie is annoying!

Big: to little "You smell like rotten pierogies."
Little: "Yeah? well if someone was going to eat you, they would die from your stench."
Big: "Rotten pierogies"
Little: "Sweaty Betty."

They are wrestling now...and I could sit here all day and listen to them...and laugh and quote and have a blast.
This is a good way to spend my last day off!

BRRRR...

Hi. It's cold here.
That is all.

Last night the weather folk were talking about how cold it was going to be this morning and how a lot of schools were calling in 2 hour delays already. This was at like 6pm. So. Big takes it upon himself to sit at the computer, with the news website pulled up, hitting refresh every 10 seconds, to see if his school has a 2 hour delay. This continued until bedtime. Our district did not call in a 2 hour delay before 9pm. Yes. 3 hours he spent sitting in front of the computer, hitting refresh, yelling out the new number of schools that HAD called in a 2 hour delay. At first it was annoying. Then it became comical. The number started at like 49 and was well over 300 when he went to bed. He was sure they were playing a joke on him. All the OTHER schools in our area had 2 hour delays, what was up with ours? I couldn't stop laughing...under my breath...
They did have a 2 hour delay. It was called in around 11!
And...damn is it cold.

A blast from the past...

I bought one of those speaker things for my old MP3 player...the one I bought for my husband for our 10th wedding anniversary 3 years ago...when he was in Iraq...then fell in love with it...and went out and bought myself one, too...cause that is how I roll...
Anywhoodle...I don't listen to it much anymore...we have the itunes on the computer...and the ipod for the car...but this is old skool MP3. This was loaded up before kazaa crashed our old computer. Before I cared about illegally downloading music...this has ALL KINDA music on it!
No one is home...the music is blasting...Harvey Danger...Flagpole Sitta! OMG! Dynamite Hack? Boyz in da Hood...Love their remake!
You name it...it is on there! LOVE IT!
Son of a gun...you're so vain! Meatloaf...you took the words right out of my mouth...some Eminem...God I love him! And...50cent. Remind me sometime to tell you the story of how I have a raging crush on fiddy and xzibit. I pink puffy heart pimp my ride! In fact...I have a picture taken with the dudes from West Coast Customs...from a tradeshow that I went to in Vegas one year! WOOT.
We can even slow it down for a couples skate with some Lionel Richie...I'm taking requests...I've got the Band...Up on Cripple Creek or even some Garth Brooks? Johnny Cash? You name it! Eddie Money...anything from Tom Petty...admittedly, he has seen better days than the Superbowl...but he rocked it. My senior year in high school...I dated a guy 4 years older (yea that makes him 22...so? he could get beer.) anyway, he looked just like Tom Petty. That was when I did the burnout phase. The whole sneak out of the house to ride on his motorcycle...(Bethany you better not tell my mother...) Anyway...wonder if that is what Doug looks like? Good thing he got back together with his wife and we broke up...I think waking up next to that might frighten me a bit!
Next up...Erasure...A Little Respect! Can you say Friday night getting ready song? My bangs just grew 6 inches listening to it!
VanHalen...Whitesnake...Europe...Dude. I am going to get the Camero out of storage and go for a ride...

Conversations with a 6 year old

Admittedly, we are watching too much tv these days. Whatever.

Little: Mom! CAN WE?
Me: Can we what?
Little: Nickelodian is setting sail!
Me: What?
Big: There is a Nickelodian cruise...you know on a boat. (yeah. cause I am that retarded.)
Me: Oh.
Little: So. CAN WE?
Me: Oh baby, no.
Little: PLEASE! All the characters are going to be there.
Me: I don't think so...
Big: GINGER is going to be there.

Remind me to tell you about my obsession with Ginger. As Told by Ginger was my FAVORITE Nick toon ever. Ah the good old days.

Me: Nice try...but the answer is still no. (although, secretly, I considered it!)

random sunday

I just got back from the grocery store...started dinner...Little wanted meatball sandwiches for dinner. I indulge him, because he is often very picky. He is on a 7 year "pasta hiatus" his words, not mine. He'll eat meatballs, but not pasta. He will eat hot dogs. He loves my vegetable soup and my stuffed pepper soup, yet often won't eat chicken nuggets. Only peanut butter for him, no jelly, please. His favorite sandwich to carry in his lunch is bologna and pepperoni. I have no idea where he came up with the combo, but he loves it. Last night before bed, he asked me to buy him strawberries at the grocery store. He is so sweet...in such a crazy way. He reminds me of myself.
All 3 of the boys are at my in laws. It's quiet here.

Big's team won their basketball game yesterday. He had 5 points and 7 rebounds. He is a whole head taller than everyone on his team, yet is only growing into his arms and legs now. It is cute and painful to watch him dribble up the court.

I went to Starbucks on the way to the grocery store and ran into McStarbucks. Isn't that weird? It wasn't even the same Starbucks that I normally see him at. He was with his 2 1/2 year old daughter. Perhaps the sweetest little girl ever! I love my boys and don't want any more kids, but sometimes I wish I had a little girl. That is selfish, I know. I have 2 very well adjusted, healthy boys. How dare I ask for more. She was sweet, though. Her name is Zoe. We laughed when I commented on how I have no pink in my life...apparently, her favorite color is orange. She hates to wear pink.

I talked to a friend from high school, too. She lives in Cleveland. We see each other about 2xs/year and maybe talk on the phone every few months. I bet we have been friends for close to 30 years. That is weird to think about. No matter how long it has been since we talked last, we spend at least 10 minutes giggling about high school boyfriends. Wonder if that will ever change? We both have a bad habit of googling them or catching bits of information from our moms, who both still live in the town we grew up in. Once, I actually CALLED the work # listed on the internet for my 10th grade boyfriend. 10th grade. That was oh, about 100 years ago. He didn't answer, so I hung up. Good to see that I have matured since the 10th grade. I dream about him randomly. He was my first true love. As true of a love that you can have when you are 16 and making out in the back of his parents Suburban behind the high school. We went out for my entire 10th grade year, he was a senior. I went to his senior prom. We broke up later that May. We dated again when I was a senior. I can't remember why we broke up, but I do know that I was cheating on him. I remember saying "I don't ever want to see you again." And...I haven't. I suppose I should be more careful when I say that.

Speaking of that...I have one aquaintence...who had a big problem with alcohol. He was in rehab and had been sober for almost a year. I can't confirm this, because I can only go by what he told me...I remember telling him that if he decided to drink again, that I wouldn't be able to be his friend. I think that I thought that would mean enough for him to never drink again. (who thinks a lot of herself?) I haven't talked to him since the end of July. He was drinking then and I have to believe that he is still drinking now. I have no idea how he is doing. I know that I couldn't be sucked into the drama again, but that doesn't mean that I don't wonder how he is. I am just too damn stubborn to find out.

It is still quiet here and I think I am going to take a nap. Why not? I have nothing more to do!!